About me.

[symone93]

I've been healthy my entire life up until my senior year of high-school..... my pap who was the only dad I'd ever known died 8 days before my high school graduation, May 15th, 2013. In July right after my 18th birthday passed I was laying down for bed as I always did, all the sudden I felt like I had the air knocked out of my chest, like I was grasping for air, I sat up real fast and automatically started to panic, I felt like I just couldn't breath, my little sister called an ambulance as we were the only ones home, they had no idea what was wrong with me, my body felt so weak, my legs like jello, I went completely numb like when ur leg or foot falls asleep all needle like, that'd what my ENTIRE body felt like, if never been SO scared in my life....my mom was called an test were ran but nothing was coming up..... I went home after I settled down an felt a little better things started feeling ok....but when I got home an laid down it happen again..... from that night on my life changed forever..... a few months went by an I wasny getting any better.....I decided when I turned 18 to get tested for huntington disease, which runs on my dad's side of the family he has it, his mom died from it, his four brothers have it.... so in the midst of this I get my results for the genetic testing back, I thought god I couldn't handle bad news I was praying to god I wouldn't have the gene, my mom an I went in to the drs. She sat us down explained to us the degree of things and told me I DO HAVE HUNTINGTONS, I looked at my mom an just balled my eyes out until I couldn't cry anymore..... so that caused major depression for me.... if I had it to do over I'd not of been tested I'd of lived my life..... I soon saw a therapist who also diagnosed me wit this illness that nobody could seem to figure out...... it was severe anxiety/panic disorder.... like I felt SO hopeless, just one bad hit after another was coming, they put me on Xanax for the panic disorder..... which was supposed to calm me down an help me eat an gain back weight bc the anxiety disorder made my throat feel tight like I was going to choke if I swallowed something it's hard to explain really..... but anyway I dropped from 158lbs to 113 lbs in 5 months.... and btw I am not that teenager who does drugs!! so the Xanax made me nervous..... and guess what I ended up getting addicted to the damn things.....they tried taking me off them an I got em from friends an ppl, bc my anxiety wad SO bad without them... I was scared LITERALLY to leave my house I did this thing they called "nesting" in my gramms house for 6 months I balled up in a blanket day in an day out sleeping an sleeping an sleeping..... bc my anxiety was so bad I was afraid to be alone I had my gramm check on me when I was showering, I couldn't drive, eat, or function for that matter...... I felt PARALYZED from life.....anything life a throbbing headache I went to the E.R, a sore throat I went to the E.R, heartburn I went to the E.R I thought everything was SOMETHING WRONG! I was living in constant fear and hell...... I thought I was NEVER going to get better, I made the choice to check MYSELF into rehab to get off Xanax because I couldn't live my life like I was..... I cut my arms from top to bottom my chest, my face, my thighs....MI was SO ANGRY with myself....for not being strong enough to overcome what I was going through, I was mad that the only thing that made me feel better was MEDICINE..... I was just SO MAD! And SO DISGUSTED with myself..... I went to rehab for a week. They started me on anxiety/depression meds (NON-NARCOTIC) and tho I felt weak for at least a month after leaving the rehab I NEVER touched Xanax again....the fear....was well worth the outcome in a long run. I gradually got better with time.... started working FINALLY, able to drive and be by myself FINALLY!..... eating SO much food..... I couldn't eat before from fear of choking.... I felt AMAZING..... all this happen from 2013-2015 now here I am starting to struggle with anxiety again, an my depression has always been shitty..... idk what to do..... I feel alone this is a hard thing to understand unless your going through it yourself an I'm TERRIFIED to be where I was again PARALYZED with fear..... anyone any advice would be GREATLY appreciated..... I'm now 21 and living with my bf and he can only understand so much ya know.?

[BonnieSue]

Why not see a psychiatrist and take an antidepressant that helps with both anxiety and depression? A non-narcotic? I know how bad both can be. They can be hell on wheels. So before they get very very bad, why not make an appointment with a good psychiatrist? Don't waste any time! Let's get this under control. And no, your boyfriend can't possibly understand what you're going through. He can't unless he's had it happen to him.

But you know what can happen so now is the time to act. There are plenty of non-narcotic drugs that can help control both your depression and anxiety. And you also need to see a counselor for therapy. You need to be on top of your mental health always and know the signs of when you aren't doing well. You also need coping skills and help living with your problems. Talk therapy is very important. CBT--Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Highly recommended.

You should be fine once you see a doctor. I hope you take this advice to heart and right away. Please write back because I'd like to hear how you're doing. Take care.