need advice

hello,I am a 53 year old woman and I am in need of help, I just don't know how to function at work anymore. I feel so stressed and anxious all the day, I struggle to get up and make myself go, then I get sick to my stomach when I get there, and I mostly stay in my office by myself, I avoid talking to any one, I think the stress and anxiety make me hyper and when I am hyper my voice gets loud and I get into trouble, my coworkers don't like me and report to the boss that I am being aggressive towards them, I don't feel aggressive at all, I'm being mistaken for a monster, I feel stressed, anxious, sad, lonely, and I'm afraid to talk, or even look at anyone, I got accused the other day of having an aggressive posture, I don't even know what that is what these people say I am saying and doing are not even close to anything that I am feeling. Because the stress makes me hyper and my voice gets loud my coworkers have my boss convinced that I have a tone with them, now my boss says he sees it too and is making me take anger management classes, but I'm not angry. I tried talking and explaining but he doesn't believe me. Please help, I've been going home crying a lot lately.

29 Replies

  • I've been there and unfortunately we have to do what we have to do to keep our jobs. Do what they want you to do at work and express yourself at home.

  • R u seeking therapy, or taking any meds. Try to get ur mind on something else or maybe look for a different job. There is also outpatient programs that can help. Something or someway to relax

  • I am on meds and will be seeing a counselor on Jan 23 for the first time. I do look for another job, but reality is this job pays my bills and has great benefits, and I have a lot of years and hard work invested to this place. it isn't easy to find other jobs even close to what I'm making at this one.

  • I sympathize and empathize with you. Just because your coworkers and boss say something, it does not mean it is true. I believe you should self-assess based on their comments ... and I think you have done that (i.e - you acknowledge you talk loud when stressed).

    I agree with the advice above: Go along with them (Although do speak up occasionally if you feel you are wronged), but also look for another job -- even if they pay is somewhat lower.

    I too feel unfairly treated at work. Work is unfortunately ... often not a fair place. You are not alone!

  • Couldn't agree more with your advice! Well said. :)

  • Therapy and meds and letting it go will be a start to healing, and u can put ur trust into thhose that r here to help. Thats a step to getting better.

  • Great advice here so far. You sound depressed and anxious. I have both of these problems myself, but I'm content and happy because I'm treated for both. I see a psychiatrist for medication and a counselor to make sense of it all and be on my side. I highly recommend you get both for yourself. You can keep your job if you get successfully treated. If you need medication you may only need it for awhile, but the counseling will help you determine that.

    You can decide how much you want to say to your boss, but saying you are getting help of some kind might be appropriate at some point for keeping your job. Maybe you can communicate this by writing a short letter to your boss since verbally telling him/her hasn't worked?

  • I am very depressed and anxious, I hate feeling this way, and I am looking forward to my counselor appointment, I currently take wellbutrin, maybe it isn't helping I've been on it for 5 years. I also eat a lot, I have been gaining a lot of weight, everytime I get upset I eat and I eat junk food. I'm just in a very bad place.

  • I lost my whole answer to you, so here I go again.

    Overeating is a common problem with emotional upsets. It just makes you typical. You wouldn't be able to eat if your anxiety was at the top of the scales. That's the good news.

    The Wellbutrin may need a dosage adjustment or a change entirely to a different med. Wellbutrin can cause anxiety in some people but you would have noticed it before now. I hope your Dr. is a psychiatrist because you're getting into complications now and need someone trained in diagnosing and medicating. This is all psych Drs. go to school for and it makes them the experts in this field.

    I'm glad you're getting to go to counseling. You need help monitoring your depression and anxiety so you can call your prescribing Dr. as soon as you notice a significant change in your mood. A change in meds now will help sooner than if you weren't on any meds at all. That's also good news. Hang in there, you're working on a solution to your problems!


  • You poor dear! So very sorry you are enduring this. I agree that the Wellbutrin isn't working for you. Even though we all hate change- it sounds like a med change might be warranted. As far as work is concerned, once you get to feeling better emotionally, I highly suggest you look for something different if possible. Not to incite religious overtones - but whomever god is to you- he/she wants you to be happy and not miserable around people that refuse to understand you. Maybe this is a sign that better things in your career are elsewhere.

    You hold that chin up though! There is help here and out there! Will be praying for you!

  • Thank you

  • I feel for you. A med change did help me. I was taking Lexapro for about 6-7 years and about a year ago my doctor switched me to Trintellix. It was really helping until I got a new supervisor at work and started to feel as though I was being bullied. I had a couple of anxiety attacks at work, crying and hyperventilating. Luckily management didn't see any of it and I have great coworkers. I just joined to get some support from those who know what I'm feeling and experiencing. Thanks for sharing.

  • thank you everyone for all your advice

  • Good food and exercise is really important for stabilising mood. There is much evidence now about the gut being involved in serotonin production so what you eat has a major influence upon your mood. I also suffer from anxiety/depression and downloaded the couch to 5k app and have started running very very gently and find it really really helps with my mood. I am 46 and have never run before in my life so don't be put off if you think it's not for you - it was never for me before either. Again exercise has often proven more effective in the treatment of depression than meds. And great that you are seeing a counsellor. All the best xxx

  • Go to the anger management and explain to them what your going through they are professionals so they will unsterstand and might give u some other Therpy xx

  • If your employer has it, take advantage of EAP. Seek help and only you can make that choice.

  • I've been there. I thought having a bookkeeping job would give me the solitude to mask the symptoms but I still couldn't sustain. I had another friend who would excuse herself to the bathroom to try breathing techniques in order to calm herself.

  • Hi missery.....I personally don't think you need anger management, I think you need a little counseling and something to relax and calm you down a little bit...we all here have our issues and most of us still have some of them or we probably wouldn't be here....the more you can relax, the more you can see how you need a little something to help you at this time...

    Maybe the others could use a little compassion training themselves...

    Relax you are with friends.

  • Thank you so much 😥 I really am in a lot of pain, I know I am a good person, I wouldnt intentiinaly hurt anyone I don't think I have done anything to deserve going to anger management. I don't feel angry at all, sad all the time yes but not angry. The people I work with pick on one of the new girls, but I have become friends with the new girl and therefore that made me a trouble maker in their eyes.

  • Hello MisseryI imagine this situation is adding even more stress to what you already have. I would ask my doctor to write a note to my boss explaining my illness asking him to keep it private but to let people know you are able to work but, are suffering from something headaches or female problems. If your boss is agreeable, problem solved. If he's not go over his head , have your doctor mention this too. This behavior is abysmal, it must come under some kind of harassment. Now there's a word that scares most bosses. Just turn this thing around and put it on them. Some women can be dumb as dirt and mean as snakes. Give em some of their own medicine. Pam

  • I'm afraid my boss is part of the problem, we recently received a memo stating that we are not allowed to wear perfumes or anything scented, one of the women complained about one other woman's perfumes so they banned it from the office, not a problem for me I didn't wear perfume on a regular basis usually only when I dress up, anyway just this morning my boss told me I was wearing perfume, I said no I'm not he said lotion then, and I was like I put unscented hand lotion on like an hour ago, he wanted to smell my hands and insisted he could smell lotion in me. I got defensive and said joe I'm not wearing anything and apparently I leaned forward in my chair and he told me I was being aggressive with him!!! I seriously think I'm going crazy

  • This man has serious issues- like an overblown ego. Can you call the labor dept in your state?

  • Sounds like this is harrassment. Perhaps you could ask for legal advice? No wonder you are stressed.

  • Joe sounds like a nut. Do you have an advocate who stands up for workers ? Joe must be accountable to someone. I still think you need verification from your doctor, and you might want to keep a diary of when these incidence take place, what happened, where,who was there and what was said. Smelling your hands sounds like he's invading your personal space.Joe sounds like a bully., don't let him get away with it. Pam

  • Hi Pam, I have started documenting , I am part of the union but I'm afraid to go to them, I don't trust anyone, one of the girls that's doing some bulling, (I believe she tried to sabotage me making my deadline last week), well she is a union steward and she has a lot of friends that are huge in the union, and since I don't know anyone from the union I don't know who I can trust. I have an eating disorder, I have an appointment Monday morning with a councilor, and I just made another appointment with my regular dr to see about a change in meds. I don't know how much more of this I can take, I don't even want to get out of bed any more

  • I can well imagine how alone you must feel. Do you have a union rep. you can talk to about your fears? Do you have a company hand book that will tell you how to proceed. These things are put in place for exactly this kind of situation. What about a government agency that protects workers? Don't let these people do this to you if you can prevent it. May be your councilor will have some ideas for you too. Pam

  • Hi Missery, How are you today? I mentioned your problem to my daughter yesterday because she works in a similar situation . They even have the perfume issue so no can wear a fragrance. They work in cubbies, she does medical billing, so she stays in her area except for breaks and lunch, She communicates with everyone by e-mail no matter how trivial then she has proof of what was said. She thought this might work for you then you couldn't be accused of being loud or aggressive. I don't know if that would work for you , just another idea. Pam

  • Hi Pam, this is great advice, and I will do my best to follow it. I am not inviting any verbal conversation at all, my original plan was to refuse to talk unless the boss was there but obviously I can't trust my boss, so yes I will tell these women to communicate via email only. Mary

  • Good, Let me know how it works out. Pam

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