Scared.

[slowdaisy]

I joined this forum because I am looking for some kind of outlet. I have always assumed I had seasonal depression, but a relationship I have been in for the last couple of months has recently put it into overdrive.

I believe my boyfriend has a drinking problem, and I don't know how to make him realize it. I don't want him to think I am looking down on him or belittling him. But he has gotten verbally abusive with me on multiple occasions and I don't know what to do. It makes me feel like dirt. Like I am garbage. Worthless. Pathetic and crazy. It's gotten so bad that two weeks ago I had suicidal thoughts. While skipping details, after a bad night he cornered me and was screaming to the point I felt at the time I had no other choice but to hit him. Long story short, I got arrested and now have a battery and domestic abuse charge against me.

I am loosing my mind. I am so scared. I took a temporary leave of absence at work but don't know what to do. Apparently him and his mom think I am just putting blaming on him for the way I act. But his drinking and actions when drinking has got me to this very low point.

I'm sorry for the rant. I just don't know where else to turn. I am ashamed, embarrassed, and I hate myself. I wish I could just not wake up.

[Lynl]

This is not a safe relationship, as hard as it may be , you need to leave and be safe, I hope there are no children involved, don't waste time . Prayers🙏

[slowdaisy in reply to Lynl]

I keep trying to hold out and hope for a change. I'm not perfect, either, but the alcohol is a huge contributor to problems. We don't have children together but do live, work, and have class together. :/

[Lynl in reply to slowdaisy]

You have to remember, you will not change him, and as long as you stay, he knows he can get away with it. You have to make the better choice and maybe that will wake him up to change, but it takes time and you do not deserve to be in an abusive relationship and enabling him to do as he pleases and you are trying to justify it by saying your not perfect, well no one is perfect , but no one should be abusive. I wish you the best, keep in touch. We are here for you.

[Ddorne]

I'm sorry for your situation. It's very difficult to watch someone change because of drinking or drugs. Didn't his mother know he has a problem? Try and keep away from him and focus on you.Take care of yourself. Find therapy and confide in it. You don't want to be dependent on him. God Bless