I'm sorry to write again. I live in a foreign country and my friends on ground are limited. I asked my therapist twice about boundaries last week, she never brought up touch or emailing, after telling me to do so over break. So I brought it up explicitly. And even though I disclosed some childhood SA in the same session, the touch issue is what made me shutdown .
Today, after writing an email explaining everything I couldn't yesterday, she tells me the email allowance was only over break. Never brings up anything in the email and says she has no questions.
We sit in silence for thirty minutes. Which I as I to wrote her just made me feel more alone and backed in a corner. I'm shaking and rocking back and forth. Nothing from her side. I'm in a terrifying period in my life and I respect her boundaries (after me having to suss them out in three sessions) but after telling her how abandoned and lonely the silence made me feel...I still had to sit and stew in it today and get stared at. It was like a game of chicken .
I asked her to Please say something and she said, "You need to met me halfway". After I just wrote a two page email that detailed my issues I couldn't share from the day before and she said she understood and had no questions.
I eventually heard the bell ring, brought my adult and left.
I just feel so abandoned and unseen, unheard. I've tried to be clear, but its failing. Its a really fragile period in my life and I am heading into a dangerously lonely weekend, I now know I can't email her, (won't make that mistake again), and life is absolute hell.
Sorry. I intend to bring it up Monday before I go into detox. I'm not sure if we are just misreading each other, but it feels like the more desperate I feel, the more boundaries she throws up.
If you have any thoughts or ideas, I'd love to hear them.
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Giana80
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Dearest Giana, I agree with AXXES2 in that she doesn't sound like the
best therapist for you. She wants you to meet her half way but right now
it seems like you need her words and advice more than you need to talk at
this moment.
I'm so sorry you are going through this ordeal with her. Not everyone is the
right "fit" when we are emotionally broken. I care xx
hi Giana, I completely agree with the advice you have been given here. A therapist is supposed to create a “safe” place for you to share what’s bothering you without judgement. Making you sit in silence is not comforting and I’m so sorry she made you go through this. Shame on her! There are other compassionate caring therapists who will not make you feel this way. I hope you can find someone else to see soon. Don’t give up, We care!🙏
I'm shocked to read how she's treating you. I agree with the others, look for a different therapist. No apology needed for writing again. That's what our forum is for. I sincerely hope your detox goes much better.
Many years ago I went through something similar and walked out of mysession. Looking back, that probably wasn't a very positive thing to do , despite my anger at the time.
I think your therapist is waiting for you to open up in the session, rather than writing everything in an email, even if you use what you wrote as a prompt. It's also worth seeing it from another point of view - what if you were employed by someone who emailed you during your time off and expected you to remember everything for the next time they saw you?
So, if you need help, you need to tell her in your session what some of your issues are. If she still doesn't satisfy what you feel should happen in a session, tell her that. If you cannot "meet halfway", then it's time to look for another therapist. Remember - if you don't ask, you don't get, and an email may not arrive in time to be read, for all sorts of reasons. Good luck.
Thank you for your response. I've thought long and hard over it, and I could be clearer in my wishes and needs as well. I will try again Monday, to basically teenage what I wrote in my email and be clearer about everything. I think her response will let me know whether its right to continue or not. I've never let another person see this side of me, the hurt shaking, rocking back and forth. I think she thinks I don't trust her. But I've let down a big wall to show her this, and maybe she doesn't know it, but I need her to understand and now help me.
I will tell her all this Monday. I should be freaking out about detox and all that entails, but this is what bothers me. Sigh. Thankfully, lots of therapy in detox.
That sounds as if you have given some thought to my message, and you are on the right track - to basically talk to your therapist, being absolutely honest. She should have encouraged you to do this, and in your next session, hopefully, she will learn something about you and gain more understanding. Good luck with finding your voice.😊
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xx
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