My daughter is 9 years old and has ADD as well as anxiety. I have anxiety as well, so she and I have been working hard on how to take control of our anxious thoughts and feelings. I feel like we have most of it under control....except....she is terrified to sleep in her own bed at night. We have tried bargaining with her, we've taken things away, we stay in the living room with the lights on and TV on so she knows we are right outside her room. She plays her favorite church music on her phone, she gets to leave her light on and her door open....anything at all to make her comfortable enough to fall asleep. However, nothing is working. She lays in her bed and cries for at least an hour because she is scared. We have talked in depth about why she's so worried and tried to help her in anyway that we can. The deal we make with her is that she has to fall asleep in her own bed but if she wakes up sometime throughout the night, she can come and sleep in our room. Does anyone have any suggestions?
Help for my daughter: My daughter is... - Anxiety and Depre...
Help for my daughter
Hi JD, I don't think I am going to have solid advice for this one, but I am curious to hear other responses.
How many nights in a row has she cried herself to sleep? I think the common treatment for anxiety is exposure therapy right? Have you let her do that for a week or so and she still cries for an hour every night? You might already do this, but I would try hard to validate her emotions. I have to remind myself that all emotions are valid and validate my kids before I try to dispel their reasons or get them to accept them. I would make sure that she knows it is fine to be scared of the dark, or being alone, or even making the transition to sleep which can probably be scary. I would try to get to the real root fear and you can validate her about it and laugh with her if appropriate or cry or whatever empathy is needed.
What does her therapist say if she has one?
Sorry again if this is not helpful at all, but I am hoping to see others' responses.
I wish you and your daughter peace, hope, great sleep, and transitions to sleep.
Thank you for those suggestions. We do those things already, but I could do better! This has gone on for the past 3 years. When she was really little it was expected. Then she grew out of it and did fine for a few years. 3 years ago I went on a trip with some friends so my husband let her sleep in our room while I was gone. Ever since then, it has been a battle. We do let her sleep in our room on the weekends, but she must sleep in her room during the week. Currently, she doesn't have a therapist, but I have been considering having her see someone. I myself am a school counselor, so I feel like I should have the answers or be able to help her more, but nothing is working. Listening to her cry in her room breaks my heart, but we never give in. We make her fall asleep in her room. I know if I let her come into our room, even once, that it will set us all up for failure.
do you think that letting her in your room on the weekends makes it harder during the week?
Possibly. We tried to use it as a reward for sleeping in her room during the week but it might be making it even harder to sleep in her room.
Good afternoon,
When I worked with special needs kids in the school district, I had a few kids who had to have quiet time and or naptimes. We used to make tents with lamps and set the computer up with story time with their favorite stories or music. I also had their parents bring a favorite blanket. I also put a small fan put on low then once they got comfy, I got them a water bottle and let them know I am right here next to them working at my desk. It usually took about 15-20 minutes to get them settled in and another 10 minutes to get them calmed down. Then they had another thirty minutes to rest or sleep.
Sounds like you are doing a great job with your daughter! Don't forget to pray with her before putting her to bed.
God bless you!
I think youre doing the right thing by trying to keep the boundaries and having limits, kids really need that even if they dont understand it yet. If it were me i would try and have her sleep in her own room as much as possible to build her confidence but thats just me, i dont have kids. It makes me wonder what shes afraid of, she has anxiety and that always has a way of attaching itself to things whether theyre the cause or not. Therapy does sound like a good idea
Thank you. I called and made an appointment with a therapist. I'm hoping that helps!
She only 9 for God's sake, just let her share your bedroom until she able to sleep alone. I wouldn't worry me if my kids slept in my bedroom at any age..in fact I wouldn't let then sleep on their own if they were going through anything like your daughter is.
Maybe this is an answer too. My sister-in-law was in bed with her parents until she was 12 or so. She seems to be doing well and is 17 now. As a parent though I want to be able to be alone with my wife in bed.
I used a "you do things, in your time, and in your own way, approach" My daughter moved out of our room when she was around 7-8 and my son did not move to his own room until he was almost 10. My daughter just went to college in another state and my son, now 13, would not think of sleeping in our room. It may not be for you, but if having her in room is not a problem for you, maybe try to end the battle and de-escalate the situation. Tell her that she will move when she is ready. I did fall sleep on a mattress in my son's room for the first few nights when he was ready to move.
Hi JDT.Nothing but admiration for both ur daughter & urself in dealing with things together & being each others driving force to be better.
Now a suggestion if I may & I will openly admit I use this everytime I'm anxious when trying to sleep & that is audible, I listen to some of my favourite stories to help calm my brain & help it slow down & my all time favourite book, movie, animated version is
" A Christmas Carol " by the man himself Charles Dickens.
Some times it only needs to be first chapter that helps me relax or half the story but it does always help me.
Does ur daughter have a favourite author, character or book ? If so give it a try or if she allowed a TV in her room, her favourite movie on dvd to watch to help help her feel safer in her own space.
I do wish both U & ur daughter a speedy conclusion to get passed this blip & move forward.
This is a great idea. She currently listens to church songs that she loves but a story might be better. Thank you for the advice.
Ur most welcome & I'm sure you can find many good positive bible stories or stories with a message like Aesops fables. Also maybe some sounds like those of a church may help ease her tension. What ever is the answer I hope its very soon & wish U every success & the more U both share the stronger that bond & with all family on her side she will succeed & move forward.
My suggestion is to spend some time looking for and vetting a good therapist for you daughter to help her with her fear and OCD so she can learn how to make it work for her and start to be able to accept herself more. My granddaughter has OCD and is on the spectrum and my daughter spent quite a bit of time finding a therapist for her who specializes in treating adolescents/teens with special needs/issues. Most therapists have websites and profiles that you can review to help you find one.
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