How to be happy

[Noor01]

Hi everyone.

I am a 19 year old Finance student. I live in UAE with my Father only. As my parents are separated and my mother is back in my home country. I love both of them.

My depression started a few years back when this guy that i really loved left me for another girl. He was the love of my life and losing him was terrible, I did bad in my exams, made stupid decisions. In short i moved to UAE. Coming here, i realize my dad is not doing fine. He owes money to a lot of people. We are trying to manage but its crazy and i cant handle it. I feel like a burden on my dad. I dont feel anything good will ever happen to me. I see my friends, I see how they have their own families, their own small happy lives, they are living a carefree college life, going out every other day. They invite me too but I have to say No because i dont have enough money to eat in a restaurant. At first i used to fight with my dad , it was frustration. Why couldnt i have what my friends have. Why cant I have a happy , normal life. Where my i can make mistakes and not worry about how much i score in my exams because i cant afford to give the exams again if i fail.

My dream was to just get through college, get a job, be independent and support my family but i just feel like these things are getting farther and farther away from me. I am not able to sleep because of the stress. My dad is smoking all the time and its stressing me out. My brother has college next year and I dont think my dad can afford that. I had almost got a REALLY AMAZING JOB and i thought that i can support my family finally but i lost it to someone else in the last round of the tests.

I just fdont feel good enough, the guy i loved more than life left me, my parents left each other, I cant be a support to my family. I cry all the time. Im just disappointed that life turned out this way, I dont know what to do.

[Ddorne]

I am so sorry for your loss. I know the feeling of seeing your friends having it easier than you. It breaks your heart. You shouldn't compare it only makes you feel worse. Just focus on school and be a support emotionally for your Dad. Things will get better.Do you have a therapist ? That will help. I see one twice a week. I am on Medicaid. Also have u thought about medication? I am on it.

My old therapist used to say "when you compare it leads to despair" and I believe it.

God bless

[Noor01 in reply to Ddorne]

Thankyou. I wish i could emotionally support my dad but i am such a panicky sort of person that whenever something goes wrong , even if its a tiny thing. I freak out and i think that gives him more stress.