I am a 19 year old Finance student. I live in UAE with my Father only. As my parents are separated and my mother is back in my home country. I love both of them.
My depression started a few years back when this guy that i really loved left me for another girl. He was the love of my life and losing him was terrible, I did bad in my exams, made stupid decisions. In short i moved to UAE. Coming here, i realize my dad is not doing fine. He owes money to a lot of people. We are trying to manage but its crazy and i cant handle it. I feel like a burden on my dad. I dont feel anything good will ever happen to me. I see my friends, I see how they have their own families, their own small happy lives, they are living a carefree college life, going out every other day. They invite me too but I have to say No because i dont have enough money to eat in a restaurant. At first i used to fight with my dad , it was frustration. Why couldnt i have what my friends have. Why cant I have a happy , normal life. Where my i can make mistakes and not worry about how much i score in my exams because i cant afford to give the exams again if i fail.
My dream was to just get through college, get a job, be independent and support my family but i just feel like these things are getting farther and farther away from me. I am not able to sleep because of the stress. My dad is smoking all the time and its stressing me out. My brother has college next year and I dont think my dad can afford that. I had almost got a REALLY AMAZING JOB and i thought that i can support my family finally but i lost it to someone else in the last round of the tests.
I just fdont feel good enough, the guy i loved more than life left me, my parents left each other, I cant be a support to my family. I cry all the time. Im just disappointed that life turned out this way, I dont know what to do.