So tomorrow is my birthday. I rarely get excited this time of year, especially in the last couple years. In fact I’m going to spend it at work I’m choosing to treat it like any other day.
Each year that I get older rather than celebrate my life I mourn the “age milestones” I didn’t hit. It makes me depressed and I get into a funk for the whole month before the day.
I’m watching my peers buy homes, get married and have children and I haven’t done any of those things. I know these are just milestones set in my head but I can’t help but feel disappointed in my self for not being where I want to be.
And even worse, here I am having a pity party for myself when there are so many out there wishing their loved ones lived to see another birthday.
Just my yearly prebirthday funk and I needed a place to vent.
Written by
Gettingthere73
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14 Replies
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Happy Birthday for tomorrow!
You know the phrase: wherever you go, you take yourself with you?
I wanted what you want so badly.
My peers and my sisters had everything: husbands, children, own homes, happy sorted lives.
So, I was on a mission. At 37 I finally met a really good guy. We married when our first child was on the way and had a second child just before my best before date: 40. We bought a lovely house with a lovely big garden in a lovely area. We had a lovely life.
So why did I feel so disconnected from my life, from me? Where was the joy? I thought I’d have it, after all I had everything I’d ever wanted.
Luckily I read a book about embracing one‘s dark side and accepting one‘s whole self. I went around saying: what if it’s ok to be me? It was the first time I’d ever considered it. I had so many dark secrets to expose to myself (and others where appropriate). I did the work until I could look in the mirror and say: what’s not to love? with a bit of a leonine roar. Haha.
Please take this in the spirit it’s meant: you will always be getting there when actually you are already there. Embrace it, get in step with time and everything will fall into place for you.
Another phrase that my Mum used to say was that all the suffering in the world didn’t help her toothache...it just made her feel worse.
Ooo I just noticed you are just venting and not asking for anything.
I wanted you to know that I understand because I’ve been there.
Thank you so much for this reply, it so full of hope, this is what I needed. What was the book that you mentioned about embracing dark side? I would really love to give it a go.
You tested my memory! I read it 20 years ago. But I looked on amazon and it’s there.
Dark Side of the Light Chasers: Reclaiming your power, creativity, brilliance and dreams.
(no wonder I bought it)
It’s by Debbie Ford.
It’s lovely when something catches your attention and you find you have a choice in everything...that you can believe in the process of becoming well...that all the advice you’ve ever been given will work if you are patient with it and yourself.
I must admit the book irritated me at the time, but thankfully it started me thinking what if it’s ok to be me? And it was and it is. Just a few blips along the way.
I just turned 70 and the time leading up to that birthday was difficult. The what if’s, regrets and comparison with other people didn’t make me feel good (not that I could make those thoughts stop). But it does help me to work on belief that I am exactly where I’m supposed to be and every choice I’ve made has gotten me here. Happy Birthday. We have a year to worry about the next one.
Oh luv look at what you have! I’m 56. My youngest left for college 10 years ago. I worked 70 hour work weeks to give them all they needed.
It’s taken me 10 years to get to where I wanted in my career, get rid of that house, not pay for school clothes, have friends that aren’t parents of their friends.....
I don’t own anything but a bulldog. I don’t owe anybody. No one has rights to any piece of my time.
We have freedom. Pure freedom. You can not celebrate or you can. You can take a day off or a week. You only answer to you. I love being free!
I will celebrate your birthday because you’re a blessing but I suggest you make a new tradition for yourself. Do something you’ve never done before and that you can do every year just for you. I used to take a weekend at a local hotel with a pool and books and do a staycation. No phone!
Celebrate life on your terms. Celebrate how you want your life to be and not what society told you to make it.
Happy birthday! I'll be 56 this year and also ignore the day as I do most any other holiday. No one to share with so for me why even think about it. Just another day. I found your comment about these milestones being in your head. I firmly believe society puts these milestones in our head.
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xx
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