Any Farmers, family or spouses of farmers, out there with ADD/ADHD?

[MrsKlco]

I am asking for support, just a shoulder to lean on. My hubby is a fourth generation farmer and my boys are spitting image's at 10 and 8y/o. And, no they do not wear overall all the time...just when working on equipment or cleaning the barn. Anyway, it is difficult for me to be at the farm because there is sooooo much to do all of the time. I want organization, clean, straight lines with equipment, ect! When I am overwhelmed, I will go and stay out in our camper. I have to get away form the dirt, dishes, ect. Must I go on?

Almost 13 years ago I met my hubby and fell hard for him because of his drive, his endurance, integrity, and he is a mastermind with repairs. He has to be, everything we have (tractors and equipment) is old! like from the late 70's 80's and our "new" combine is early 90's!! SO breaking down is such a reality that saving money for parts is the biggest category in my budget plan.

Sooo what is my problem, I work full time and come home to a mess all the time. Doing the math, I am a single parent 5-6 months out of the year!! When he IS home he is doing math, looking at weather, or snoring because he is pooped. If I want anything done at the house (ie, repairs, construction, ect.) I have to plan my "honey do's" for winter time. Not a problem but he takes forever!! Maybe accomplishing one thing a year!! UUgggg

I have talked to him about my ideas and that the ideas never stop. I dream at night and during the day. Hell, I've even been caught up while in group therapy thinking of my ideas. I feel that I am the last person that he thinks about. First him, farm, boys, theeeennn me. We had a fight the other day when I asked him to be open to another job with less mandatory overtime. (especially during planting and harvesting seasons) He became very defensive and harsh. I could not stop crying. He has apologized and stated that he will take next Friday off to spend time with me. ONE DAY!!??? But we don't go out, no money!!

We don't have a huge farm so we are stuck being committed to raising our animals, raising 200 acres of corn or soybeans and 55 acres of hay. At the end, we are very well fed..... poor people!!

I love my life, I love the farm, and at times can see a future. But if he is so resistant to any change I am not sure we will have a future. My sister-in-laws are so passive and unsupportive..."this is what farming is", "you knew what you were getting into", "he (hubby) will never change." So it is very frustrating. Am I too demanding? Let me just say...I do have some very loving and sweet friends at work but they do not have ADHD and that is a giant factor. I know that someone out there will understand me and my up's and down's.

Soooo if your up for helping me, I would love it!! Anyone is qualified as long as your empathetic and supportive. Being a farmer or a family member of a farmer is a plus. (sounds like a job listing!!)

PS; I am still getting used to this website, and stuff. So help me if I need to do something for a group or chat--hell I don't know what I am talking about.

Thank you for reading,

Renee

[johnfamilyman]

Renee

I was a Farm boy grow up, dad Farm several hundred acres corn and beans vegetables were the big cash crop Dad was also into oyster harvesting on the Chesapeake Bay. I followed in the family footsteps, I love farming, Went to college study horticulture, came back home helped manage the family farm for a couple of years. The farming vegetables and financial risk was too high.

[MrsKlco in reply to johnfamilyman]

I appreciate your response. Sounds like you had your heart in it. How was it to see my story? And thank you for being vulnerable about your losses at your farm, hard to hear. I hope that as my boys grow up there will be an amazing ????? that they can take advantage of. I have no idea what that is but I encourage them just the same.

I will make it through with the support and encouragement from everyone.

Thank you again,

Renee

[johnfamilyman in reply to MrsKlco]

Loved hearing your Story! Any thing farming, I am all in. For me, after farming, my career was farm-seed sales and next vegetable seed; Research and development and sales. It was a amazing opportunity with a vegetable seed company that operated worldwide.

All the long undiagnosed ADHD, although self-medicating with alcohol latter to bottom-out at 56 yrs old and quit drinking, got sobriety with God grace and AA’s 12 steps. At 62 another bottom, thanks to God and AA guys, I didn’t drink. My wife had one last straw to pull, jackpot and Diagnosed with adult ADHD. Now that we know what the problem is the solution seemed simple but certainly not easy for me.

Recently turned 67 into retirement, Life keeps coming at ya, no matter what.

I found Hope, with my ADD coach.

[MrsKlco in reply to johnfamilyman]

Thank you for your story. I was just thinking today how my energy and personality is so well received at work but at home (farm) with my family, it can be so difficult.

I actually work with people in early recovery (detox and short term residential). So I know exactly the difficulties with self-medicating. Your story gives me hope.

Thank you for your response and I will write soon.

Renee

[StoneJeweler]

Oh my! You are overwhelmed!!!!!!!!!!!! I own a 7 acre organic farm and it has been driving crazy these last 5 years. Do you know that GMO products make your brain worse . I live alone except for 1 tenant. I have no friends where I live thanks to ADD. The people have really changed around hereto used to be a very friendly place , but since that last depression many people are very paranoid about money. I can't deal with that fear that keeps people afraid and stingy. Now I haved been robbed several times, tools equipment, and then it turned to household stuff. mainly kitchen stuff. Most of my fruit has been stolen like oranges, avocados, mangoes, and much more. I can't find any dependable help. I do have someone who has a team of workers to pick, harvest macadamia nuts, they due very little maintenance .

I apologize for not being too helpful. But one way I have found is to forgive my self for having a messy house, my fields are full of weeds. I have an organic farm, which makes it harder still. But self-forgiveness keeps me going. It might not work for long , if it doesn't change I will probable one else is allowedly sell my farm.. I love it here, it's a beautiful paradise and I want to stay, but it needs to change.

Anyway instead of looking at all that needs to be done and I want done. I am taking a little space ,,or box and I can manage that way and now things are starting to look a little better.

If you don't have a special space just for you. I encourage you to claim your space where no one else is allowed to go, comment on or try to fix it. It gives you a little respite from the chaos around you.

[MrsKlco in reply to StoneJeweler]

I appreciate your response. It is nice to know that there are others (farmers) out there. I have frustrations with people. I just know that I am too emotional to handle that side of our farm. SO my sister-in-law does it.

Thank you for your response, hope to talk more.

Renee

[johnfamilyman]

The Family relationships are challenging, always will be. For me family is everything.