Hi there -- Your story sounds like mine exactly -- diagnosed at 45. Many of your same symptoms. My therapist said, "have you ever considered that you have ADHD?" I had not -- the concept was mind-blowing. Then I realized why I always felt out of sync with everyone else I knew. It opened a whole new world to me.
I am sorry you had that interaction with a psychiatrist -- so ridiculous and unprofessional. Hope the next one goes well. Sounds like you know what you need and will find someone who is on your team, though.
Mediation and therapy have been serious game changers -- it's not perfect, but the awareness and support have made a massive difference. Hang in there, and know you are not alone!
With the exception of your problem with structured environments, since I was the exact opposite and failed up to the 12th grade yet excelled in college, and not getting married nor having children, our stories are identical.
Without revealing the practice's name, I went to a group located in the Andersonville neighborhood of Chicago that alleges to diagnose, treat and advocate for childhood and adult ADHD. I went through their testing, which was comprised almost exclusively with questionnaires, Rorschach and memory tests. To digress a bit, what does ADHD have anything to do with short term memory? Mine is actually very good.
My diagnosis was not only for no ADHD and anxiety issues, but the results they sent me included advice like "splash water on my face" if I felt too anxious. Let's just say there were politics involved as well, but frankly I can't get a test now and even if I had insurance, the wait just to start the process with a reputable hospital (of which there are literally 3 of them in Chicago metro, yep, for 8 million plus people), is 6 months to a year just for the initial consultation, then another 1-2 years for the actual ADHD tests.
Neurospych testing should have at least 19 tests in it and includes memory, tracking, emotional, analytical and other tests like MMPI and IQ type testing. That produces a picture. ADHD, non-verbal learning disorder, and overall-cognition deficits emerge. All tests are really needed to get a picture. I get this testing via my neurologist every two years. The test last fall revealed that some things improved slightly while others got worse. The doc literally pushed a paper in front of me, drew a straight line with 100 on one end and zero on the other. He said, "I will make a tic mark on the line for the result of each test and you will see." After fewer than 50% of the tic marks I got pretty teary as I saw my life expeience emerge on a piece of paper. Very painful. I asked what I should do to cope and he said, "You worked for 40 years. You lived abroad. You perform live music. You're one of the best copers I've ever met. Keep doing what you've been doing. And yes, expect that as you get older it will generally be harder to recover. There is no cure and current treatments have varying levels of effectiveness." Hard to hear.
My tests had an IQ component (which was literally trivia questions) and some deal with 3D blocks and being asked to duplicate a pattern. It was straight-up BS.
@Chaos_pal, You mentioned two things I wanted to touch on. I’m not saying anything either way. We all house our own struggles, and I wanted to comment on two things you mentioned.
RE:what does ADHD have anything to do with short term memory?”
It’s not really the short term memory. It’s how those memories get stored and reused. Depending on what we are focused on, yes our short term memory is great.
Though For me, there any times it is not.
It’s hard to remember parts of someone else’s story when I hear a part of their story and cant wait to share my own anecdotal part to be included in their story. Their story is now lost as I’m only thinking about the part I want to contribute.
When I’m in the middle of a train of thought, someone mentions something that starts another train shooting out of the roundhouse and that initial train is now lost.
The part of going somewhere (Room, kitchen co-worker office, etc) and along the way thinking of other things and then forgetting why you went to that somewhere. Many meds help induce this.
RE:”included advice like ‘splash water on my face’”
This is actually common advice given for Anxiety situations. It’s similar to taking a cold shower. It’s a method of resetting your nervous system. The colder the water the better.
Thais is one of the many Anxiety tools in the Toolbox.
I'll get there, one way ore another. I have to get treatment.
Yes, meditation helps with my anxiety and panic attacks.
To find out that my childhood ADHD evolved in to the adult version with all its implications was on one hand a shock, but on the other hand it meant that something can be done about it.
But when i asked AI what are the Long-Term Mental Health Effects of Untreated ADHD i got this:
1. Increased Risk of Depression and Anxiety:
- Co-occurring Disorders: Untreated ADHD significantly increases the risk of developing depression and anxiety disorders. Approximately 18% of adults with ADHD have major depressive disorder, and about half experience anxiety.
- Chronic Stress and Frustration: The chronic stress and frustration from managing ADHD symptoms without treatment can exacerbate these conditions.
2. Emotional Dysregulation:
- Mood Swings and Irritability: Adults with untreated ADHD often experience mood swings and irritability, which can strain personal and professional relationships.
- Low Self-Esteem: Persistent difficulties with concentration, time management, and social interactions can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem.
3. Substance Abuse and Risky Behaviors:
- Increased Risk of Substance Misuse: Untreated ADHD is associated with a higher risk of substance abuse, as individuals may self-medicate to manage symptoms.
- Risky Behaviors: Impulsivity can lead to risky behaviors, including reckless driving, which increases the risk of accidents.
4. Relationship and Social Challenges:
- Strained Relationships: Difficulty with time management, distractibility, and impulsivity can strain communications and lead to misunderstandings in personal relationships.
- Social Isolation: Chronic stress and frustration can lead to social withdrawal, further complicating mental health issues.
5. Impact on Work and Education:
- Workplace Performance: Untreated ADHD can manifest as disorganization, missed deadlines, and lack of focus, hindering career advancement and job security.
- Educational Challenges: Similar challenges can affect academic performance, leading to poor grades and educational underachievement.
Basically all the f*****' shit that happend in my life is listed here.
I just typed a reply and the page gave me an error, how f***ing typical. Anyway, I give you credit for your confidence that your condition will be addressed. I've been disappointed by the medical community for over 30 years, and this instance is just the latest one.
Very similar for me as well. It was the 60s and 70s. You were cray-cray, and you had a personality disorder. So I stopped talking to docs for decades because of that. No practioner then--and even many now!--understood. I inherited from my Polish immigrant great grandma. The myelin was utterly stripped from the related neurons. Tears just streamed down her face while talking to you. They said she was crazy. But not. And then my grandma, and my dad and his brothers, and now me and my brothers. The gift that keeps on giving....at lease it is a bit less each generation. Traceable back over 100 years.
Meditation (and I mean real hardcore sitting on a bolster in a sunny room in the morning for 20 minutes every day) and exercise were also game changers. But my body had failed to recover after 50 years of sleep deprivation, so I cannot work at age 61.
Those I was diagnosed at 57 with type 2 narcolepsy, which could actually be severe ADHD+RSD with intractable insomnia. They are treated the same, in any case. Then, when my neurologists started doing neuropsych testing every two years I got the ADHD diagnosis and Non-Verbal Learning Disorder as well.
I was refused a diagnosis initially as well. I just did a push button activity and because I hyperfixated I can’t have adhd. It really is frustrating. Definitely go to a second one. Ask for a neurological evaluation if you can/
The website of the ADHD testing service says that among other tools they use the T.O.V.A. test - the push button activity test. I can focus on a square on the screen, but how does that relate to focusing on complex assignments at work? Sure, it's a computer, but not a computer of a IT admin of one of the top business in the country.
I'm going forth and back through the five stages of grief, mostly jumping between anger and depression. Thank you all for your support here.
Smradek I feel we may have some kindred spirits going on here.
Here is my 2 cents.
Sounds like you are Technical and have a very logical way of thinking. For me, it makes things hard as I feel things are On/Off, Black/White, Right/Wrong. There has been no Greys for me for sometime.
I either have this or I dont. I either take this and it works or it does not work.
I had gotten to a point where I’ve been searching for the ‘One’ thing that will help me be better, but I’m coming to learn, I’m not ’broken’ in one area. I’m needing support from many places and not all of the support looks feels, smells and supports the same for me as it does for others. Though there is support, and that partial support can make the difference in getting through the day.
Fighting ADHD (as a spectrum of potential issues), the Anxiety and depression that can go along with or exacerbate ADHD, potential Autism (another spectrum ) issues.
Its about Doing bits here and there to help the greater good of you.
yeah, the whole “you just think too much, try meditating” thing? I've heard that too, and it’s beyond frustrating when you’re trying to advocate for yourself and not being taken seriously.
After going through some dead ends myself, I ended up trying occupational therapy. Honestly, I didn’t even know OT could help with ADHD at first, I thought it was just for physical stuff. But it’s been a game-changer. We worked on practical strategies, like how to structure my day in a way that doesn’t feel overwhelming, how to break down tasks without losing momentum, and even how to build routines that feel natural to me. It wasn’t about “fixing” me—it was more like learning how to work with my brain, not against it. If you are worry about money, the platform I use they have free consultation session, it would not hurt to give a try.
It might be worth looking into if your next try doesn’t go well either. You deserve someone who listens and takes your experiences seriously. Wishing you and your kids so much luck and support on this journey 💛
Don't be surprised if you don't get the answers you think you should . I had a psychologist for 20 years who just keep saying, "just calm down," and a retired chief of psychiatry at a regional hospital in northern NJ who took my money and said only, "don't go there." Then he would dash off to Europe with his grandkids on vacation.
At 70, more than 10 years after I learned I had it, I found a woman psychiatrist in Florida who is the best mental health professional I've known in my life, and I've known quite a few. Of course all psychiatrists do any more is dispense pills, and counselors are required to know less and less. I'm 74 now. I'm hanging in there. You do the sam.
I have seen a few of what I call “bobble-head” therapists. They sit there, let you talk and keep nodding their head -reminds me of those bobble head dolls you see on a car dashboard! I want sound advice on what I can do to make my issues easier, not someone to sit there and agree that I have a problem.
I'm sorry you didn't get the help you were hoping for. some of your symptoms sound like depression too. ADHD and depression often occur together. I'm not a doctor, just something to maybe think about. Meditation could help even if it's not the whole answer. Best of luck in your search
Thankfully no depression, but sadly anxiety. Yes, meditation helps with being mindful of how and why I feel like I feel when anxiety rears its ugly head, so I do not get caught in that old vicious circle of anxiety causing anxiety causing panic attacks.
I have had some experience with psychiatrists, twice during my younger years for my self (not much help then, and looking back it was ADHD all along), then not so long ago as I accompanied my brother in law (after 30 years of drinking he finally did hit rock bottom and has quit drinking for good, that psychiatrist had not much work to do anyway), recently as I accompanied my mother in law (brain damage because of 2 months of subdural hemorrhage after a control MR that was preformed just on paper), and just now as I accompanied my mother (were I not there they would have done irreversible harm to her), so I was not surprised, just disappointed by his lack of character, intellect, and competence. I am still getting flashbacks from that traumatic experience.
I hope the next one will be more helpful. I think of first getting some form of consultation, and then decide if I get their (not at all cheap) ADHD assessment.
The last three weeks have been pretty exhausting, finding out I have ADHD, going to that psychiatrist, realizing that most of the crap in my life that made me feel bad about myself wasn't really my fault, realizing that I actually have some of the symptoms I initially thought I didn't have, like emotional sensitivity and reactivity and impulsive spending just to name a few, realizing that a relationship with someone who has ADHD (me) can be a bit difficult, discovering more symptoms that could be related to ADHD, like trouble getting up in the morning, sensory sensitivity, social anxiety. I'm a bit lost here...
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some of your symptoms sound like depression too. ADHD and depression often occur together. I'm not a doctor, just something to maybe think about. Meditation could help even if it's not the whole answer. Best of luck in your search 
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