Exhausted and Discouraged

[CNKmom]

I am currently in tears and my 7 year old son the same way in the other room. It’s on hour three or four of a fight for him to pick up his play room. Both of us frustrated and exhausted. This kind of situation happens too often. I just found this group in hopes of advice, tips, or even just support. I’ve never known anything about ADHD until we finally had my son diagnosed less than 2 years ago. I love him to death but dealing with him is very tough often times. Since having my second son (he is almost 3 with no signs of ADHD), it has just made me realize even more how real ADHD is and how much harder it makes parenting. I feel like a failure as a parent more often than not, I just want having a relationship with my son not to be as hard as it seems.

[Innocent_Rascal]

CNKmom

Please please do not feel like a failure! Parenting is hard ADHD or not. There were (?!are) many nights where I am in tears and so is my 12 year old. When he was 7 there was NOTHING accomplished without fighting and screaming. And 100% me walking away feeling an a$$$$$&

It does get better.

💜

[Mismarie02]

Girl you are not alone. I go through the same exact scenario with my 10yr old son on a daily basis. It's hard. So hard. Some days I have to scream and yell and take a walk outside.. for there is nothing more than I can do than that. And I feel that is okay to do. Is to just take a step back and walk away from the situation for a moment to cool off.

[reg2018]

I'm so sorry. It's super hard parenting a child with ADHD because these simple things like cleaning up that we look at and think are easy become battle grounds. You've not a bad parent for wanting your child to take responsibility and you're not a bad parent for feeling frustrated. I don't even know how many times I've cried over the things my kids have done and how I've felt discouraged over it.

I'm so glad you've found this group. There are so many of us who are trying to make it through day by day with our kids. We can do this!

[CNKmom]

Thank you everyone. It helps knowing that I’m not the only one going through this or feeling this way. It’s hard for me to explain my feelings with my friends and family because they have never dealt with a child with ADHD. They all recommend things that I have already tried, things that work in normal situations. It’s just so overwhelming and often times end ups with me (or my husband) in a screaming fit which isn’t doing anyone any good.

[seller in reply to CNKmom]

You may have tried this, but I'm going to throw out a few things: pare down your toys to just a few and have maybe 2-3 general bins for him to toss his toys. ADHD kids get overwhelmed with a lot of stuff and don't know where to turn first. They aren't good at organizing so don't expect him to sort out different toys - just be glad if he can clear the floor. So you may have to rotate stuff by the month, for example. One month the trucks come out, then next month you put away the trucks and then the action figures arrive. Have you tried making it a game with a timer? And a reward? And finally, if he's not on meds, then expect his focus to be minimal. Don't bother punishing him by taking away toys if he doesn't pick them up - that never worked for us. You could also tell him it's a race, with you working with him?

[katejames in reply to CNKmom]

I understand. And no, friends and especially family do not get it. My brother would say we let him get away with stuff. Well, of course we do when its a family gathering because otherwise we would be reminding him ten times to eat his meal and then getting frustrated and angry like every other meal at home - and make everyone there uncomfortable! Its unfair these kids have this affliction - its horrible for them. The learning curve is so high for parents - and I still feel a failure. I feel like we're always trying to train him to do what our other two kids could easily do. He's different. It doesn't work. I will say that going thru daily 4 hours of homework with patience and calm that then turned to yelling and tears and utter madness we finally upped his meds and he started coming home with no homework. Upping his dosage helped even though I hated to do it. We didn't put him on anything till age 9. Unfortunately the kids in his small class already tagged him which has stuck with him thru the years. Don't get me wrong, he is difficult. Every morning is Groundhog Day where the meds aren't kicked in and he is having to be constantly reminded - and every evening when they wear off. He's such a cool kid but carries this weight of feeling he's a screw up, doesn't have the friends his siblings had, has more moments of stress and withdrawal than any 12 year old should have. My husband and I used to be more calm and patient, and now we have the routine of yelling and intolerance mixed with being your typical good loving parents. There is a ton of guilt. My advice....get therapy for everyone in the family. My son's siblings needed it and my husband and I needed it. ADHD changes family dynamics so much and not in a good way. My daughter, 19, just doesn't want to deal with him and now he's old enough to understand and feel it and has pretty much given up on her. My other son, 17, tells his brother really nice things like he's a genius and is encouraging and tries but my son almost tries to push his buttons to see if he will give up on him. You are doing the right thing by joining this group. I just joined and wish I had years ago. Good luck to you!

[Onthemove1971]

Sounds like you need a HUG! Please don't fight over a play room.. There are bigger fish to fry. Pick your battles. For kids with ADHD we break down the tasks into small duties in baskets so it is not overwhelming. Give examples and only expect a few things at a time. Then reward.

Some days you may have a messy play room. Then try the next day. Hugs are better than a clean play room.

Hope this helps

Take carr

[Hidden]

I’m experiencing the same thing and I even have ADHD. It’s hard not to lose hope and faith yet I know how bad I can get when I miss my meds and it’s hell on Earth. I’m fighting for his treatment now so I can’t even imagine how as a kid what he’s going through.

To all the others who commented with advice, thank you so much.