Hi, I've been a single mom all my life. My son has had signs of ADHD since he was 10mths old. He had the wrist outbursts and tantrums that would last for hours. It's wasn't till he was five that I could actually put him on medicine(straterra) and that changed everything till covid happened. He's was not one to be stuck inside. Then, when school started then his meds didn't work anymore. I've been on a uphill battle trying to find the right meds, because now his outbursts are dangerous at home and lots of cussing out teachers and being suspended. Well, last week a group of girls walked up to my son and began to start yelling at him about a post on his page. He did not tag them or call them out in anyway. He just said he didn't like them. Mind you this was a week ago as he had the flu. This just happen this week. So, he got up immediately and they chased him down the hall and he couldn't move and punched one that was in his face. I can't believe he hit her. I'm upset, because one of the girls use to be his best friend and she just stood there. They even spoke that morning privately and talked about the issue and fixed it. I feel like the was provoked. After picking him up from the school jail he was crying. I was crying. It's just a mess. This is his first flight! I'm confused on what to do next. I just transferred him from another school where he was jumped and assaulted for his shoes. Now they want to send him to a alternative school and that's not right to me, because I also have an hands on advocate that sees him at home. I don't just do nothing to help my son. So, am I wrong or any suggestions please. Thanks.
My son's first arrest.: Hi, I've been a... - CHADD's ADHD Pare...
My son's first arrest.
Hi,
I am so sorry about all that and I know how it feels to see your son struggling.
Just q few questions :
How old is your son and did you have him evaluated by a neuropsychology ?
Have you had him follow behavioral therapy? It has really helped my son in combination with the medication.
We also make sure he he does a lot of physical activity ( he is enrolled in 2 competive sports) it help us in 2 fronts: let him release energy and I won't lie to you it helps us keep him away from screen as he can get addicted to them)
I imagine that as a single mom all these extra activities can be complicated to include in your schedule so I don't know if these ideas could work for you.
Also, remember to be kind to yourself... parenting a child with ADHD is not easy let alone doing it as a single mom... Sending you good energy
Can you find a nonprofit or government agency to get you legal support? He sounds like he does not have the support he needs and his rights are being violated. You may need the threat of suing the school to protect him but they should not be able to criminalize him. Can he attend school online and enrichment activities in person to build his skills, confidence, and success? He needs and has a legal right to support not punishment. If to meet his needs he did home school while a change in placement were to be considered then they should have to pay for it if he already had an IEP. It sounds like a change might be needed to protect him? Praying for you!
I’m so sorry you are going through this. This sounds extremely stressful. I would take him to a therapist right away and ask that he be seen 1-2 times weekly at first. Maybe switch to a better psychiatrist to try a different medication regimen. He sounds like he has much more than ADHD going on…. History of being bullied, extreme anger, and I’m guessing undiagnosed depression. He needs someone to talk to. Because you are a single mom, you can see if a male therapist might be a good fit for him so he has a man he can talk to about man stuff. Just make sure the therapist is experienced and connects well with your son. If not male therapist is available a female would be fine. About the alternative school… is it forever or just a short period of time? Is that his only option? Not. Every kid in alternative schools are bad. I used to do therapy at one. Many are just struggling with life but good kids. Of course there are awful children sprinkled in there but that’s everywhere.
This sounds really tough, kudos for reaching out to support networks.
Some thoughts...yelling at and then chasing down a kid is called bullying. I understand that the school probably had to detain him because of the punching, but the girls absolutely provoked him. You're not wrong there.
Has the school offered you or your son support within their system? There should be at least one licensed counselor at your school or within your school system that you can contact. I would ask your current advocate as well, if they are able to function as a go-between for you and the school. There are also sometimes support groups in schools that meet informally. I had a friend who attended a group for eating disorders at lunch time and I think one of the guidance counselors oversaw the group.
Regarding alternative schools...I agree with Jgirlie123. Alternative schools come in all shapes and sizes. My former boss used to run an alternative school with his teacher wife in the basement of our music studio. It was for at-risk kids who were more likely to suffer from being ostracized than necessarily being violent kids. They played ukulele and did art projects to help with emotional regulation. Did the school administration (or guidance counselor) give a reason why they were recommending (or perhaps requiring?) he transfer to an alternative school? Is it possible they think a smaller class size/different environment would be more supportive for him, rather than a way to remove him from their school? Perhaps since you already tried a transfer that's why they suggested that. It's worth an ask.
With meds not working, if he's growing quickly could it be that he needed a higher dose? I ask because after two years my daughter started slipping a bit and I realized she had grown a lot and upping her meds helped. I hear you though on trying different meds. I've done that myself and the side effects alone when the med isn't the right fit, plus the disappointment when it doesn't work can be a lot to deal with. Add to that hormone shifts, and it can be a lot. It sounds l like you are on the right path to trying to find a good fit for him.
I also agree with Morado2016. Movement and exercise move the physical effects of stress and emotion out of our bodies so we can re-regulate. Depending on where you live and your income you could qualify for a reduced membership to a YMCA or a gym. I like to keep in mind that exercise is like medicine...not all activities have the same effects. I have a friend whose kids get dysregulated on their trampoline, but rocking motions are soothing. Weight training, swimming, running...one could be more beneficial than another. Keep trying if the first doesn't work.
You're doing all you can to help your son, and that's a beautiful thing. Keep it up, we're here to support you!
If he's not in therapy, it does help with ADHD and any other issues hes is having. If you are in the US there is a loophole in Medicaid where even if you don't qualify under income requirements a diagnosis such as ADHD will qualify him. It currently covers any copays or anything the medical insurance we have doesn't. My son's therapy and ADHD meds have been free as a result which helps him get the help he needs. And the therapy is required for him to get the meds.
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