Exhausted Mom

[FindingHope]

My 8 year old son has ADHD. As his pediatrician stated, after reviewing his school's assessment and required paperwork and her own assessment, he is "off the charts" ADHD. Being a single mom to two very active small boys I had enrolled us in family counseling. It was stated that they believed my son to have ADHD and ODD. I had such a fear of having him diagnosed, because of the stigma and I feared medication would turn my loving boy into someone else. Only after my son came home, from school, crying because he felt so sad that he couldn't pay attention in class but really wanted to and was embarrassed because of his hyperactivity. I knew then that I didn't want my son to develop a shame mentality. After much prayer and discussion I chose Quilviant XR. It's been such a helpful aid for my son. He's gained confidence and feels like he has a chance now. However, I'm still overwhelmed as the medication has about a 10 hour limit. I do not give it to him on the weekends and it's time frame is about up when I pick him up after I get off work. I work full-time and being a single parent is so hard. There's only one me and two boys and a cat and dog, lol. So, once his medication wears off he gets super sensitive and emotionally triggered. He and his younger brother are all boy and love each other, but are brothers. They argue, compete, tattle, whine and the list goes on. I'm so emotional drained and physically exhausted. I carry so much because I work full-time as well and trying to maintain my job, that I need, and be the best mom they need... I'm falling apart. I need more grace and patience with them, but feel like I've become high-strung because it's constantly something. I'm so weary.

[LostNNeverland]

I feel your pain in sooo many ways! My son is off the charts as well and he is 7. Thankfully, after 12yrs of doing the single Mom thing, I have a partner in life to help me but I don’t know what I’d do without him cuz I CANT work due to my son’s behaviors. He is currently taking Focalin XR and Focalin regular but I am meeting with his prescribing doctor today to change his meds cuz it’s simply not working. I have to keep my phone charged and on me at all times when he is at school cuz it has been known to ring hourly. When my son works himself into a fit, it becomes so severe that only I have the ability to bring him out of it. I cry everyday knowing he struggles and I cry even when we have good days cuz I’m so happy that he was able to function “normally” in society. The struggle is real and you are not alone!

[floydwhite in reply to LostNNeverland]

has your dr. classified your son as,a fast metabolizer? this means the recommende dosage will not work on your child. in the beginning my son was given low dosages. they did not last. i finally found a dr. who was familiar with this condition. he prescribed a much higher dose of the same meds and the difference is remarkable. over the years we have had to tweak the amounts when he has a growth spurt. hope this info helps!

[LostNNeverland in reply to floydwhite]

He very well could be...he’s almost 8 and not even 60lbs...he is very much like his dad where they can eat whatever they want basically and never gain a lb

[Mommabear08 in reply to LostNNeverland]

I can totally relate with you at the age of 4 my son was diagnosed with ODD And at 6/7 with ADHD just with the ODD alone is such a struggle because he is such a loving caring boy but with the ODD symptoms the outbursts fits of rage and anger ect and them not knowing or understanding why they are doing it Plus the ADHD on top of it not being able to concentrate at school is a big one for my guy too he's 9 now I also don't give the ADHD meds on weekends and am a single mom the ODD meds are a every day thing but I'm here for you if you happen to ever need to talk vent ect

[QueenVerne in reply to LostNNeverland]

I commend you for your strength and courage.. I have an 8 year old that I am learning how to just be cool.. I know your tears and I feel the brokenness.. It will be OK.. Thanks for sharing

[SSperber]

It is SO hard and I can’t imagine doing it all alone- so keep your head up and know that you are doing an amazing job!! Your boys are lucky to have you! One day this will all be over and you will be have so much to be proud of! Be sure to make time for you... even if it’s just 10 minutes of meditation a day! You will be surprised how much this helps! There is an app called Breethe… That makes it super easy to follow along. Best wishes to you and remember you are a great mom!!

[joehamilton]

Strength to you...I am a widowed father to two, my daughter just began displaying symptoms this year and was just diagnosed recently. I'm currently mulling the options, but I am so worried at how much our limited time together will be impacted. She is already very emotionally sensitive from her mother's death and I'm worried at how much more medication might make that difficult. That said, I can see how much she is starting to fall behind at school and I really don't want it to get worse. I'm already running myself ragged at night trying to get school work done for her alongside making dinner and supporting my son's interests and activities, so it is definitely a drain on me personally trying to get everything to work.

I hope you can find the balance needed to get it all to work!

[FindingHope]

Thank you all for the support of kind thoughts and words. I try not to tell myself that "one day it'll get easier", because I noticed I became bitter waiting on that day which seemed to never come. I'm trying to take one day at a time and enjoy my two boys every day as is. Not. Easy. At. All. I'm going to try and spend quite time a bit during the day too. I've got to figure out how to set consistent boundaries for my boys and internally I groan because I know this is going to a fight. I love them and u know it's going to be worth it. Homework, as we all know is a huge battle. I'm going to try and find a balance to where my son feels empowered over his responsibility instead of loathing it. I simply can not keep going like this and need to figure out how to help him learn how to build character, discipline, and confidence. I know the current approach is wearing me thin and not helping him in the long run. His homework has to be his responsibility and I can be an aid. Any suggestions as to approaches?

[anirush]

I empathize with you, it is so tough going it alone. Do you have an IEP? Sometimes they can limit home work or have it done during school hours.

I never take the boys off their medicine. Number 1 why should I have to put up with this Behavior just because it's a weekend. Number 2 Studies have shown that it takes a few days for the brain to adjust to medication so if you keep taking them off and on it could make it harder on them. I would ask your doctor about the advisability of stopping and starting meds.

[Snaizy in reply to anirush]

I agree with this. I couldnt deal with the weekends without continuing my sons meds. Lack of structure already makes him worse so the weekends are already a struggle and trying to get through it with him off his meds is “cruel and unusual punishment”. I think both you and he will be happier and life will be smoother if you give him his needed treatment 7x/week. Good luck.

[floydwhite]

i know that some people prefer to give their chikdren no meds on the wknd. i work full time as well. when we have that free time together i wanr it to be calm not chaotic. think of how much more quality time you would have if your son was calmer and maki g better decisions on the wknd. if hes calmer your other son will be as well. you also will be less stressed. ive also found that on the wknd if you let him sleep in and then give the meds you have those 10 hrs that go over into evening time when youre out and about running errands. i wish you the best.

[floydwhite]

i aldo wanted to let you know,that you can ask your dr. for a "booster" dose of medication. tbis is a smaller amout to be given mid afternoon to help the child get through things such as homework and evening activities. in most cases meds given in the am have worn off by 4 pm. this is part of the reason homework is so difficult. my son has boy scouts at 7pm once a again week . we use this dosage then.

[FindingHope]

I believe I'll try giving him his medication on the weekends and a booster shot is genius! Wow, thanks you guys😄 I really appreciate all the support and feedback.

[QueenVerne]

A round of applause to you... It is not easy being a parent. It's eVen harder being a single parent. It gets eVen harder having to juggle multiple children. But here we have it were we have to educate ourselves on how to care for a child with a disability. You take a deep breath and just be proud because you get up eVeryday making it better for you all. Keep your head up. You are doing an amazing job. Always find a way through it all to take it easy on yourself and find a healthy release... Prayer and maybe this support group. But you must keep the control you have going on and it will pay off in the end... Keep seeking for support and education...

[maluvzla]

Hi, I want to encourage you, you are not alone in this. I am in your same position although I have three very active boys and two dogs lol My middle child has ADHD and ODD as well as OCD symptoms. He is very emotional and sensitive and we have struggled to find the right medication since he has a higher blood pressure and regular ADHD medicine wont work with this. Some days I feel I am failing him because I have not found a cure for this and some days I feel defeated. I work full time and on top of this I am an introvert, but have no time to sit and recharge. There is hope and our boys are worth it. I found Brain Balance and I got hope back, my son has an assesment tomorrow and they work in a medicine free environment using neuroplasticity to help the children. It is not cheap but I will do whatever it takes to help him, he is so loving and he is not his mental illness that does not define who he is. All we want is a bright future for our children and to help them be happy and achieve their dreams. We will be fine, we need to take this one day at a time. I encourage you to read the post I wrote yesterday. Much love!

Another exhausted mom.