My son is 5 and has ADHD. I work full time at a stressful job and also have a 3 month old baby. I'm usually home by myself with the kids after work and it's so hard to occupy my son's time. He's usually bouncing off the walls all night and I am exhausted after work and I have to take care of the baby as well. He currently lacks the ability to self stimulate or play by himself, so often I have to resort to TV or video games because otherwise he is literally climbing all over furniture, throwing things around the room, or just generally doing something destructive or potentially dangerous while I am getting the baby down, cooking dinner, cleaning, or just trying to have a moment to myself. Any suggestions as to what we could do instead? Or how to encourage independent play?
How to occupy an ADHD kid when you're... - CHADD's ADHD Pare...
How to occupy an ADHD kid when you're exhausted?
It must have been really hard to joggle work, and a baby and a kid with ADHD.
Have you asked your sons doctor about melatonin to help him with his sleep? It’s safe to use in children, it’s not addictive and many parents swear by it.
I’d say you should be pleased he doesn’t want to play on his own. It means he’s sociable. Is there any chance that now the weather is nicer you could be spending more time outside, even after work as much as it’s not ideal but packing the baby in a pram and taking your son to the playground even if it’s 7pm surely 1 hour climbing frames might do him good.
My son loved sandpits and playing with his diggers and this was calming him when he was younger. If you have a sandpit near your home maybe this would work? Just so you can sit on a bench and he can play. I’d say even if it’s already an evening it’s probably better than having him at home and throwing things about and climbing walls. I wouldn’t worry about the dinner cooking, you have enough to deal with. No one will judge you if you have pizzas and ready made stuff more often.
I also used to be taking my son on a bike and have hours outdoors my little one in the night and my ADHD son on his little bike but we are lucky we have loads of safe outdoorsy places near our house
Supposedly kids with ADHD do so well if they stay outdoors a lot, in Green places and with the nature - moving, exercising etc. I think even for you after work it might be good to breathe fresh air outdoors and give up on house chores and cooking. Tidy house and cooking is just not worth it if you end up having a bored ADHD kid being disruptive and then shouting etc in the house.
Melatonin helped our son to get to bed. At least until he got tired of taking the gummies.
He’s been on melatonin for a few months now and it’s amazing for bedtime.
Mine likes a drawing tablet, paint by stickers, make a face stickers, tablet time (you can use something educational like jumpstart), kinetic sand, play doh, helping with dinner or setting the table, building with legos, tidying up her room, going on a search (for items that begin with a letter or letter sound), indoor trampoline while jumping to Disney's dance party, cut and paste kits....and my younger one likes some of these, plus coloring, emptying the dishwasher, and Leapfrog books. Most of the time these buy me about 20min.
Wearing the baby while entertaining the older child, inside or outside, was very helpful. If he can help with some things, it will give him a chore and reward.
Good suggestions! Several of those appeal to my son, though I'll note he has a tendency when it's time to put the sand away to scatter it all over the place. He also likes to combine all the Play-Doh together. He does like helping make meals (more breakfast in our case, loves to help make waffles or pancakes).
I definitely recommend a sensory table! There are a few things you'd need watch him with like water beads ect. but there are so many different sensory bins you can make for very little- For instance we got a few fake plastic bugs from the dollar store and mixed together coffee grounds and flour to make dirt and she had so much fun digging them up. Pinterest has a ton of great ideas. We have the Ikea Flisat table
We also bought her a small indoor trampoline with a net- He might be able to burn a lot of energy jumping around so you can sit with the baby 😀 Best of luck I know it can be difficult at times but you are doing great!
Involve him! Let him help cook! Let him bring you things you need for the baby!
When he needs to calm down, sit him at the table with some art supplies or Legos or Osmo (educational tablet hands that use manipulatives on the table).
Go for a walk and get everyone some fresh air. He can ride his bike.
Get a huge cardboard box, let him climb inside, and hand him some markers.
If you can go outside, that's great. If not, try various exercises with you directing him. Run to the wall and back. Now run backwards to the wall and back. Now sidestep to the wall and back. Now bear walk (on hands + feet)... Now crab walk (sideways on hand + feet)... Now hop on your left foot... Get creative. If he still likes imaginary play, have him run like an elephant (while making elephant noises), then like a cat, then like a helicopter, then like... Get a pull-up bar to put in a doorway of your house and let him hang on it. Eventually he'll be able to pull himself up. We screwed in a piece of (sanded) 1" x 1" board above one of our doorways and let our son hang from it. Now (at 13) he can do all kinds of crazy pull-ups. Have him climb up the side of a doorframe. Have him do headstands against the wall. Progress to handstands. Sit-ups, squats, etc. Put some t-shirts or pillows on the ground and tell him that everywhere else is lava. Can he get from point A to B without touching the lava? Now from point B to C... Have him make funny faces to get the baby to laugh, have him sing a song to the baby, have him read a picture book to the baby (even if he can't read all the words, he might remember them or he can make up his own story to the pictures), etc.
Wishing you the best!
Oh - and dance party. Play some music and have him dance to it.
Exercise is great to assist with focus for kids with ADHD and great for stress (and increasing energy) in a working parent. Put the baby in the Bjorn and head out. I've walked 2 miles with my son nearly every day since he was old enough to keep up. Sometimes it turns into much more. Now he is avid hiker and we set summit goals for local mountains to keep us motivated. This has worked for us. Good luck to you.
He runs cross country at school in the mornings and we go to the gym most nights where he can rock climb, swim, or do gymnastics. Even with all that he still gets crazy lol.
I believe it's time for a medication adjustment, then. Good luck.
He’s not on meds yet, we’ll hopefully be starting this summer. Thanks!
They will change your life. We started this journey when my son was 7. We have learned that the management of ADHD is a 3 legged stool: meds, accommodations at school, and lifestyle modifications. It seems like you have the lifestyle modifications part down! The mediations are not a cure but they help my son function at his best so that he has a fair shot at succeeding if he works hard (and he does). For us, the most challenging part was the accommodations at school and it took a switch to a small private school to get him the help he needs (without a constant fight, that is). Let me tell you though, he went from really struggling academically to now being in the National Honor Society and being told that all of the colleges he is interested in are well within reach. There were times when we never thought he'd be able to go to college. I tell you this because when we were at your point, I didn't see any way that any of these things could have been possible. However, we stayed the course and juggled the three legged stool, and we made it. There is no one size fits all treatment for ADHD, but I can tell you from experience (and proof) what has worked for us. Maybe it will work for you, too.
Congrats to your son for being in the National Honor Society..We have traveled this journey together and remember all of the struggles our boys have been through..
I will second the "3 legged stool".. I would also add maturity as a big help.
Our son has always been an athlete and when he was very young we had him in Tae Kwan Do, this was so helpful ( self confidence, perseverance and integrity are their core value).
Best of luck in finding the solution for your challenge.
Just believe your son CAN be successful with the right tools.
Thank you. We have, indeed, traveled it together. You've always added the sound advice of counseling to my "3 legged stool." I don't include only because it wasn't helpful for us, and I stick to what I know. We tried it a few times to make sure we were doing all we could, but he was always discharged. I know it was a key part to management for your family. Best of luck to you.
And you also!! Boy graduation will be amazing for our boys..
One other good one I forgot to add. We used to hide a small toy (or two or as many as you like) then give a clue where it is hidden and let him try to find it. We did one toy search at a time!
Cosmic kids yoga videos???? At least he would be doing something active and healthy watching a video? I understand the independent play issue very well. It is so hard!!!!!!
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