Lost and tired

[Ursula_M]

Hi, Im new here. I’m a single mom of 15 y.o twin sons, one of which is diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety. I don’t know what to say, I just feel very much alone in dealing with this and with parenting a son who struggles with impulse control and is immature. I’m tired. I hate it when the school judges him. I’m so tired of fighting with the school to get more than a 504. He is in the 9th grade and I can’t figure out how to help him get organized, learn better study skills, everything. I’m a social worker and I don’t even know where to begin with helping my own child. I worry all the time about his future. I don’t even know what I should expect with this site, I just need to put it out to the universe I guess. Thanks for reading.

[Boymom3]

Russell Barkley has written some very informative and helpful books. This was the recommendation from our child psychologist. He also has videos on YouTube. May be a place to start. It helped me a lot. Keep your chin up.

[Ursula_M in reply to Boymom3]

I'll absolutely look into this!! Thank you so much for reaching out

[123boys]

You are not alone! It is a scary place when you worry for your child’s future. Stay strong!

[Ursula_M in reply to 123boys]

Thank you, it's nice to know that there are people out there who get it

[Acfoger1018 in reply to Ursula_M]

That's how I felt when I found this webite; that I'm not alone in feeling this way or the only one who has a child that struggles with so much. It's so nice knowing that we're not alone. If you don't mind me asking- what has helped with your son in the past? Any medicine, therapy, classes, etc?

[Ursula_M in reply to Acfoger1018]

Omg we've tried so many things. He's really sensitive to meds so the doctor has put him on the tiniest of doses. He's taking Adzenys XR and Tenex. He also has depression (as do i) and takes Zoloft. He's in talk therapy monthly for check ins. I struggle with giving him meds, but I feel like the alternative is worse. I'm tied of ppl saying that he just needs to snap out of it or play a sport and he'll be fine.

[1mare]

I guess my reply was lost, anyway I sympathize with you, I have a nine year old boy who has ADHD, anxiety (I'm not certain of what else)...he did take Adderall (15 mg)for about 8months with little success..also is taking Prozac....he also is very disorganized both at home and school...also he was diagnosed with ADD which there is no medication for...we currently have an in-home therapist, once a week, which does help little, giving him some skills to apply when there is a situation that occurs, he may use one of the skills (mostly counting out loud) sometimes it works other times it doesn't so then there is hell in my home for maybe half hour or so., he use to just throw things, slam his door shut back and forth twenty or thirty times till the door knob unhinged and I refused to replace it...he hasn't displayed any of this behavior in class or in school ( thanks for small luck)...k to ADHD, the only thing he will focus on is the Xbox, so I use that electronic as a tool, only it works in small doses...he is going for a neurological check up (the first in many years), this is needed for a 504...then I can set up an appointment with guidance counselor to help my grandson in class...as long as he can get some help, whether that be some additional understanding from the teacher, also acknowledging he may need to get the up from the desk walk around either in hall or in class, without interruption, I can live with that....thank goodness he has the same teacher from previous year (she moved up a grade).....so now in answer to your situation, do u have an in-home therapist (temporarily), or any after care programs to help deal with your sons situation...i needed to reach out for my self as e, otherwise I think, actually would be crazier then I am, (lol). .good luck....keep posting..😁😊

[kand2010]

I am an adult with ADHD, but don’t have a child with it. However, know that you are doing all the right things. Getting him diagnosed, a 504, etc. As someone mentioned in this feed, what has worked in the past? Medication, exercise, routines, etc.? My resources are the following: exercise, medication, a psychiatric nurse practitioner, God, time alone to “debrief”, ADDitude magazine online, routines (as much as possible), podcasts, a sense of humor from my family, pets, and coffee! 😊 I know how overwhelming this can be; we are here for you! Let me know how things are going for you and your son.

[Coco0903 in reply to kand2010]

It really is good to hear the experience of an adult living with ADHD. My son was recently diagnosed....he has ADD with inattentive as the primary . He’s 14....he’s doing really well no behavior issues ....a little moody ....he’s a basketball player ....a little disorganized. Church and good family support has been huge for us. Thanks for sharing. God Bless

[kand2010 in reply to Coco0903]

Thanks. I am also primarily inattentive. Glad to here the coping mechanisms are working for him! I wasn’t diagnosed until I was in my late 20s. When I was a child, ADHD wasn’t diagnosed much and if it was, boys were primarily given the diagnosis. More girls are inattentive, so I guess there was little known about the inattentive part. I remember hearing the lights buzz, cars pass, etc. It was very distracting for me, but I coped by being on sports teams and as a teenager I swam, bicycled competitively, and ran. School was always difficult. I was tested and retested with the only insight of a phonological problem. Unbeknownst to my parents or me until my adult ADHD diagnosis, the sports and exercise is what carried me through school including college. I often wonder how much farther I would have gone in school/life if I had the tools and resources I needed. However, I am thankful for my lifetime experience and my upbringing. We now live in a day and age where there is great medical care and resources for people with ADHD. Thanks for sharing your story! Glad to hear your son is doing well with no behaviors! Awesome! It might be a blessing for those of us who have the inattentive side of ADHD . . . We are good at blending in with quietness or actually just falling asleep! 😊

[Coco0903 in reply to kand2010]

I think you are spot on....although the disorganization and executive functioning is a challenge- I’ve always said my son has a “quiet and sweet” spirit .....now I’ve come to realize it was his coping mechanism to blend in. Organized sports has been a life saver. He started taking meds last week and the change has been amazing. I struggled with putting him on them - but I had to remember this was about what he needed and not my fear. Be encouraged that God has you right where you need to be .....giving the rest of us hope!

[kand2010 in reply to Coco0903]

Thank you. Your son sounds like a very nice young man. Glad to hear the medication is going well and that he is having success with it!!! Yay! It’s a great feeling for us ADHDers to have the veil or fog lifted. Good confidence booster.

My faith has really grounded me in the last 5 years even though I was raised in “the church”, His Word became clear to me in my late 30s. I too, believe that I am where I am suppose to be . . . in this forum, teaching Middle School Sunday School 😮, and working as support staff in a public school with “Special Education” kids. Mostly ADHD and autism spectrum disorders.

[Hidden]

One thing I want to tell you is that there is hope (though it may take awhile!!) My son is in his mid-20s now and doing very well, but while I was raising him, he put me through the wringer. And, similar to your situation, I was a school counselor and I could not figure out how to help him because he seemed hell bent on pushing back every step of the way. He told me recently, "Mom, I had to get there on my own, in my own time."

I think that's hard for us as parents to accept--that our efforts won't or don't have immediate results. But the thing that's important to keep in mind is that we can't control others, we can only control our reactions. He is going to have to get "there" on his own in his own time and likely will not get there until he has experienced the natural consequences of his actions and decides that he wants different results. (here's an article you might find helpful: parentcoachjoyce.com/teen-s...

All you can really do is in the meantime is take care of yourself emotionally (you can't pour from an empty cup!) and keep your relationship with him strong so that when he finally does want help, you're the first person he thinks of to go to.

Hope this helps!

Joyce Mabe, parentcoachjoyce.com

PS some other resources I like are the Parenting with Love and Logic program, and I also highly recommend the book: "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene (even if your child isn't explosive, this book has some great tips.)

[Coco0903 in reply to Hidden]

Great blog/article!

[Love4ever in reply to Hidden]

I love your comment and replied. It got to me... I’m not a mother but I have a 12 year old step daughter who was diagnozed with ADHD but hers is innatentive ADHD they said she barely has it but she needs to be monitored. My husband and I were so sure seen she was 8 that something was wrong while her mom kept diniying it and accusing us of being liars and making things up. Now her mom is in deeper denield and she won’t accept the facts keeps telling her daughter that she’s making this whole this up so she can be on her daddy’s side.. which I find sickning.

It’s hard to see and I guess is hard to admit that our love ones are going through some issues but we must help them and be supportive. My step daughter knows what she has and she wants help because she realized that something was wrong with her when she was 9.

As a step mother I will continue to help and see what I can do and make her learn in a easy way and not get frustrated at school. The good plus on her is that she’s super smart but needs a lot of guidens and people that are consistence with her life.

Thanks you all for being so suppportive and always trying to cheer others with the problems that mothers or fathers have with their children... God bless you all .

[Ursula_M]

Thank you so much for this!!! It's so very much appreciated

[NGU-NeverGivingUp]

Hi Ursula_M

I completely understand your situation, feeling alone, I'm also tired of fighting the schools, elementary, now middle school (my 13 yr old son is 2e (twice exceptional, ADHD & ODD) and hopefully I don't have to fight the high school. I need to keep calmer to keep a good relationship with the schools. The below information is really helping me understand why that is so important. We, as parents, can serve our exceptional kids by being their biggest advocate and learning all about how to do that... correctly

If you see this post maybe you can write and let us know how things are going now. Hoping they are better!

You and maybe the others that replied or those that read this post, might find some of these links helpful, I know I did! ( and the site in general about spec. ed law and your rights - bit.ly/Special-Ed-Law-Advocacy )

bit.ly/Emotions-to-Advocacy

It's a long web page but worth the time.

Article Title: From Emotions to Advocacy: The Parents' Journey

by Pamela Wright, MA, MSW

Summary: Section titles

Emotions: Energy Source or Achilles Heel?

Grieving: The Loss of the "Perfect Child"

- Shock and Denial, Anger, Sadness and Guilt, Acceptance and Emotional Resolution

Roadblocks on Your Journey

- The Intimidation Factor and Transference

- Getting "Stuck"

- Overprotectiveness

Becoming an Advocate, Becoming an Expert

Success Stories

bit.ly/Special-Education-Ad...

Special Education Advocacy

Intro Articles l Strategies l FETA l Success Stories

Cases l Get Help l Free Resources