I'm still here, sorry for the scare

I'm truly sorry that I worried you guys in my post last Thursday, I don't know if I've ever felt that low before. I was and am still hurting, both literally and mentally, I am stressed and tired and feel almost hopeless, it was so bad last week and I really am sorry. I can't explain what it is like in my head right now, finding how to phrase this post is near impossible, everything's messy. My brain hurts, I don't know. But things feel a little better because there's this girl I know who I haven't spoken to in a really long time, she is pretty and kind and talented and beautiful. I was out with a group of friends this weekend and it was boiling, but i noticed she was still wearing tights, we went swimming later and I saw cuts all down her legs (no one else noticed) I messaged her later and she denied it, but i explained that i was going through the same thing and she is the first person I have told who actually tries to help, and I do the same, Obviously, everything is still worse than ever, Today I didn't even talk, I just sat silently but that at least has given me a little hope.

PS: To the admins, I completely understand why you took down my post and I don't mind, I don't want to make anyone else worse and I am sorry for posting that and for worrying/upsetting people

11 Replies

  • Hi Torot,

    I wouldn't have seen your last post, although I think I did see the one before last. I'm sorry things you got so bad for you. I think one of the problems is that it can be so difficult getting medical attention that we often divert to this and become overly reliant of it.

    I've been the same myself. And I've been spoken to about it once (for good reason, just to make that clear to anyone reading), and have certainly caused people shock where I brought up issues that are incredibly sensitive - anyway I just wanted to show you that you're not the first to do this, and probably won't be the last. But to go back to what I was saying before, have you tried getting medical help? Are they fully aware of your situation? I ask this because, you don't deserve to suffer alone without support.

    Well done for posting again and speaking out. :) Thank you for reassuring us that you're here. I can see that you're still upset, confused, and distressed but you do sound a bit better since the last time I spoke to you, I can see you're trying to be strong, so give yourself a pat on the back.

    I'm glad you've got back in touch with your friend, and you're able to help each other - it will probably bring you closer, it certainly did for me and my friend. :) Maybe if you're both suffering you could consider going to the doctors together - I'm not necessarily saying the same appointment but you could be there for each other's moral support and to give one another courage.

    Hoping you feel better soon. Soft hugs,

    Fay xxxx

  • thank you <3 It's just been very stressful recently but I'm doing my best. I am going to get an appointment with my GP after summer because there's a lot of stuff going on like holidays and stuff so I don't want to ruin those things for people but I really want to get better and hate the way things are right now so I am happy that I am finally feeling like I need to do this but I'm also terrified of what peoples reactions will be

  • Hi Torot

    Glad you're safe we were a little worried for you girl.

    It's good that you're thinking of others, that's commendable, but I'm sure they would happily try & sort out an appointment with the doctors around all the holiday plans if it's at all possible. It would be better for you to try & see the doc as soon as possible.

    Other people's reactions can be scary because we believe they won't understand & just tell us to "pull up our socks" (or some other stupid unhelpful saying). They will mean well and want you to get better though, so never forget that.

    Good luck & hope you enjoy the "holidays & stuff" ahead :)


  • Hi Torot,

    I'm relieved to see you posting again - I've thinking about you and hoping you were ok.

    I understand your reluctance to go for medical help at the moment but there will never be a perfect time. Consider going now anyway and trying to get things put in place. You need help, love and you deserve to feel better.

    Be Safe



  • Hi Torot I too am pleased that you seem a bit better than your last post. Go and get help now - don't wait please. You deserve proper treatment and help and to start feeling better. Have been worried about you so thanks for letting us know. Take care. xx

  • I am really pleased that you have posted up again ; it is very considerate of you and much appreciated in the circumstances too it must be very hard for you. I think you are starting to reach out to people about your problems and understand maybe when you saw yourself reflected in that young girl the paradox of someone like yourself who may have a lot of really good attributes still feeling desperate and what a paradox that is within yourself?

    I can relate to this to a certain extent and it is to do with how you see yourself inside and some ideas which you may have got slightly wrong about yourself through no fault of your own.

    Thank you for posting up and I hope you continue to reach out and get the help you deserve.

    Gemmalouise XXX

  • Thank you for posting again and pleased to hear from you. I would urge you to go to your GP sooner rather than after the summer holidays.

    Sarah xx

  • The first step in sorting out a problem is always the most difficult and the longer you leave it the more of a mental obstacle it becomes. Please do try and get an appointment with GP sooner rather than later. The likely outcome is that you will be put on a waiting list if it involves counselling and that generally seems to take about 12 weeks, which isn't a time-scale that is going to interfere with anything you are doing over the summer. It could involve pills as well and if it does then the sooner you start the better things are likely to be and I'm sure there will be a way around any time that you need to spend away from your local locality.

    Yes, talking to people can be really scary but as you know from the experience with the other girl, there are going to be other people like you that are not wanting to talk to anyone about it because they have exactly the same fears and it's only when the experience is shared that the walls start to come down.

    You are more likely to encounter sympathy than hostility ... though our natural assumption is that we will encounter hostility.

    All the best

  • Hey

    WELLLL DONE! You're still here you said it!

    Once your dead Torot its over but your your here! HOORAH!.

    Being still alive means you have a chance to change your life!

    And look within a day you've already reached out to someone else and now they arent alone. If you can achieve that in a day or two what can you do in a week, a month a year!

    For Godsake dont give up NOT EVER...Fight to your last breath to be who you are. Do you know there isnt a SINGLE, not a SINGLE person like you on this planet you are a one off! And original.

    Perhaps you need to know a few things, your ego...our ego that is everyones ego is always trying to kill you, now to dont ask me why, something odd to do with survival. Once you know that you can reason to tell that voice in your head to Shut the F*ck up!

    So what if you havent scaled Mount Etna or saved a childs life or you dont run Microsoft, who knows what you might do in the future, who you might save.

    Take it slow, be your best friend and know it is a good thing that you have done. Oh and if your in your teen years or a young adult be ware of hormones, find out what they are and realise sometimes it isnt even you its just because your growing and changing.

    You have a right to your life, to love and happiness you will experience all this and more but you have to stay alive my friend you have to say I will stand up for myself and f*ck the others.

    Big Kiss XX

    Keep writing the people on here are so kind they will see you through.

    My God if you only know how much you were loved and cared for and appreciated, it will come.

    For now take it easy, rest, listen to music, read books, watch films and be kind to yourself you've just been through World War 3 and you WON! Now rest Angel.

    The future may not always be plain sailing but I can promise you joyous times , this life is yours for you.



  • It's ok Torot, please don't feel sorry. Often posts like yours come from a deeply emotional crisis whereby the last thing you're going to consider when writing is how it looks when posted. I'm sure many of us have written either on paper, in a blog, on another forum/community, on social media something that we need to get out.

    What I'm really glad about is that you've posted, even though things are still really difficult. Hold on to the 'little hope' and let it grow bit by bit.

    Stay safe

    Catherine xx

    On Behalf of Action on Depression

  • Hi Torot

    Really glad to read that things are seeming a bit better and that you are safe.

    It's good to hear from you, and thank you for taking the time to post and update others :)


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