As you might be able to see from my username, my name is Joe. I've had depression for as long as I can remember, and I've had psychosis for at least nearly 4 years, though I think that the symptoms of my psychosis have been there since I was 14, maybe younger. I am medicated, which helps with my psychosis, but not with my depression. I constantly find myself feeling hopeless and numb, and that every decision I make is the wrong one. I feel like a failure all the time and it feels like it is getting worse. I have hurt myself and attempted suicide before, though I now know that that is not the way, because again that was the wrong decision. I don't know what to do.
And I'm not much of a talker, so I might come across as rude. If I do I apologize.
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jsph554
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She has tried her best to steer me to better health. We're friends, though its a miracle we still are considering all the bad things I've done, and all the failures I've made
That's awesome...pets can help with several attitude changes. Firstly, they are needy - so if you can help looking after them and find enjoyment out of the interaction then you are certainly not a failure. Embrace the self esteem that comes from successfully taking care of another creature.
They can also be a great sounding board especially to those who cannot communicate well with humans. So talk to them at your hearts content when you are alone with them and feel the relief of getting thoughts off your chest.
Hope this helps?
What kind of failures and wrong decisions do you refer too?
Well one example is when I failed to notice that one of my friends geckos had died. We were in the same room, the gecko lived in my bedroom. Another was when I dropped one of her snakes (it wasn't out of fear of the snake, if anything I was afraid of doing exactly that, dropping him I mean). Her pets she loves as if they are her children, so naturally, she didn't take these things well. There are also smaller mistakes that I make constantly, small enough to sometimes forget about, but big enough to matter at the same time.
Being clumsy can often go with Asperger. The amount of times kid drops things, stumbles falls etc In big picture dropping snake not such a bad thing. Death of gecko not your fault. Again my kid can fail to see the obvious and only see the hidden. I know she physically sees things differently as part of her condition. She has visual snow, facial blindness and glitches in sight. You might not realise how things like sight, hearing, touch and smell are affected by aspergers as we don't talk about it - thinking we all experience life same way. Don't beat self up about these mistakes. I've made much worse and I'm 'normal'
And that will increase anxiety! The thing I did was tell my daughter that I got upset just cause of the initial smash etc the most important thing was her. No glass or plate was ever more important. Accept the risk of breakages. Though I'd always watch her in the China dept or such like. Go buy some plates from a charity shop and break them. It will feel good!
That does sound like it'd feel good. Though I have felt silly when I express any type of anger (I know that you didn't even mention taking anger out on things, but for some reason that's what I thought of). I think I was taught implicitly that expressing anger is always wrong, so I don't express it, because I always feel silly or wrong somehow. If it feels like my thoughts skip certain logical things. I'm sorry, I tend to think weirdly, so that to an outside observer my thoughts seem completely random, though I'm actually skipping certain things that would be needed for the thoughts to make sense, and its all done without thinking about it, so sometimes I make no sense whatsoever. Does that make sense?
No makes sense. Anger was something I avoid too! Same reason - no negative emotions allowed in family( except there's) depression said to be anger turned inward. Anger is a perfectly fine emotion to express as long as you release it. Like all emotions should be momentary. Problem occurs when not expressed. Can't get your thinking emotional process as not mine but do see how it works if makes sense.
Well my parents were very argumentative, blaming me for things I didn't do, calling me names, ignored the signs of me having Aspergers, and generally neglected me, didn't attend to my needs as a then child who looked to my parents for love (which I don't feel I got enough of) support (which I only got when in public, usually they'd just laugh at me or call me names). There's probably more, but my memory is blurry, and I suspect that something happened that I don't know about (I've had blackouts before, and I don't know what has caused those)
It's a hard to say and admit but parents get it wrong a lot of the time.
I have a 7 year old and I cringe whenever I make a mistake. I try not to be too hard on myself but sometimes I feel like I behave just like my parents did.
Are you finding that this conversation is helping in any way?
I am glad to see that you do have future plans and not allowing this condition to dictate otherwise.
I realize that getting through each day is going to be hard but if you keep visualizing yourself graduating then that may give you the encouragement and impetus to keep soldiering on.
I just had an appointment with my Care Coordinator. It went better than I expected, my mind didn't go blank at all. But I didn't end up talking about my past, which I thought was the point of the appointment. Instead we're doing that in two weeks, which feels like forever.
Thank you denvajade, I wish you well too. I hope you recover quickly, as you probably know depression is terrible to live with.
Joe
Our dog is shedding at the moment, we were sitting outside before dinner brushing him, it was windy and His fur was off with the wind, at least the birds will be happy, they can use it for nesting I gather.
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I'm mostly new here
I guess this is the way things are for now
New here, I need a hand
I'm new to depression and didn't think I would have to post here but here I am..
Be nice, I'm new here...
