I'm new here , seeking help... TRIGGER WARNING

[Siva_1972]

Hi , I am living India , 8 months back , on one bad day , I was asked to resign from the company where worked for 23 years and grown up to senior position , due to false allegations highly influenced by senior level office politics , i am totally broken and feel like ending my life but due to my family and kids , i had given up , i tried many new jobs but due to negative back references from my previous employer , i could not succeed in that , i was idle for 6 months and 2 months back, i had joined in my friend's small company with 70% of salary what was getting previously , just to run the family , problem now is every day , that is , every full day, always those thoughts were killing me , that is going on and on in my mind " Why this happened to me ? Is this reward for my sincerity and dedication towards that organisation? " and especially morning hours after waking up and till i go to bed, some days i could not sleep till 4 am , I could not be normal and concentrate in my new job, how to cope up this situation , will it be staying for ever till my life time? , I'm living with very bad depression , of-course i had done some personal mistakes too but that is not relevant to my office affairs, I am scared to face / speak to ex office colleagues while i go out due to guilt and my character assassination. If things continue like this , i don't know how could i survive , Please advice what shall i do?

[Hidden]

Siva

Sometimes when something negative affects life choices, for example you loosing your dream job and pay. The problem is this is now eating you up and you are unable to move on. The personal problems you have now will be also be adding to your initial problem of lost employment

You need to talk out your problems, CBT may help you control this anger and anxiety.

Personally I would suggest you talk to your Doctor, He should be able to help with a treatment plan.

However what has happened, happened, you need to move on, either with treatment or with someone you can trust.

We can go through this with you, to do that you can follow on this site here or PM members if needed

BOB

[Siva_1972 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for your kind words , hoping to get well with help of good people like you , since I'm new here I want to know what is CBT and GP . Pl reply , thanks

[hypercat54 in reply to Siva_1972]

Hi GP stands for General Practiconer which is a name we In the UK sometimes use for a doctor.

CBT stands for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. This is a type of therapy which is often used in depression and it concentrates on identifying patterns of behaviour which lead to unhelpful emotions. x

[Siva_1972 in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you very much

[Hidden in reply to Siva_1972]

Hypercat has beat me to an answer

We are here to help

A GP is your family Doctor, we are in the UK and use different terms.

BOB

[Hidden]

Hi Siva, I’d first like to say welcome to the forum and that there is a lot of great support here.

I’m sorry that you lost your job I know that it has such a large impact on your confidence levels and your self-esteem. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do to get your old job back. Borderriever made a good point about going to CBT therapy to talk things out. Also, consider seeing a doctor for your depression.

Try to understand that your job doesn’t define you as a person, and that you are still the same person as you were before you lost your job.

[Siva_1972 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your encouraging words and supportive reply

[Flutterbies]

None of us are perfect. Try to do good, and forgive yourself when you make a mistake. Try to find ways to help others, I have found that serving others has helped with my depression and anxiety. Also perhaps remember there will come a time when your children are older, and then perhaps you could have the freedom to explore other opportunities. Just please above all, remember that suicide is not the answer. Even when all hope is lost, run away first if you have to. Think inward about your dreams, those risks you weren’t comfortable taking.. I’m not talking about robbing a bank, but good risks like starting a new life... new job, moving away.. try all of it before ending your life. Your family will one day love and understand your decisions even if you have to leave them for a time.

[Siva_1972 in reply to Flutterbies]

Thank you for your encouraging words , everyday I'm trying to divert my thoughts by focusing on new tasks , but I'm least successful at present . I shall try some more months to become atleast 50% normal from this pitiful condition.

[Flutterbies in reply to Siva_1972]

You are not pitiful. You are beautiful and people love you. You’re a work in progress. We can all find things to improve on. Just be patient and work hard.

[Siva_1972]

Thank you for your care

[Siva_1972]

Feeling more depressed this week , could not go to doctor due to work pressure ! Feel like living in hell with thoughts of all good earlier incidents , flash backs and my avoidable mistakes !