I have suffered from depression for most of my life, everyday is a battle. Don't get me wrong there have been days when I don't think about it and I have had fun but sooner or later I come crashing down. My brain hardly ever slows down so I have to keep it busy by making things or playing games. But I am in a dark place again now and I have lost all interest in my hobbies. It is all I can do too keep myself clean and prepare food. I don't clean the flat I just can't face it, my place is knee deep in rubbish and that is not an exaggeration.
I am lonely. I have friends at a sewing group i make myself go to but I haven't been for a few weeks as I have no interest. I feel like I am drowning. I have asked about local groups but there aren't any but I know there must be more people around here with depression. When I was first diagnosed there was a day hospital I used to go to and I made a lot of friends there some of whom I saw for years after. But that has closed.
I used to have a support worker but she left and the one I was given and I never really clicked so that ended.
My whole life has been a round of one failure after another, I don't seem to be able to do anything right. I feel like a waist of space and I think my family see me as that too.
Sometimes I wish I could be reborn and just start all over again right from day one, but I think I was born this way so that probably wouldn't change anything anyway.
The only thing that keeps me going are my cats. They make me smile and feel better for a few minutes, I love them so much and they don't judge me. But then I don't think anyone judges me more harshly than I do.
I need help, I know that, but I have nowhere to turn.