I am losing my safe haven

Before i start, there will be a ton of typos because im on a phone rather than a computor and im tired. Ok, so i have 2 problems. The first is that my bedroom has always been the place I can be comfortably and let out all my panic and emotion, but about a week ago my sister lost her phone so is spending all her Time in my room on my laptop, this means i dont feel like i can just freak out, or simply have the space i beed because Im not very good at being so crowded on weekdays so at home i have to be by myself in order to cope. The second problem is that im starting to worry about myself, in the last few days i haven't felt anything, i dont cry antmore or feel sad or angry or happy, im just numb and emotionless. It is scary because Im just not really interested in anything anymore and I want to be. This has already been leading me into a desperate situation which im not ready to talk about because i hate myself for it and it only happened today. I have a feeling it wont be that hard to guess though, any thoughts?

15 Replies

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  • Firstly, have you spoken to your sister about giving you space? If its a Laptop. Could she not use it in her room? You would then have your room. Perhaps without a computer. As for regrets, its the hardest thing i find in my life. I feel though going over it isn't going to change what ive already done. All you can do is look forwards. Put it down to a learning curve, so if ever in that situation again you can do what you think is best. As for now, if you can resolve it, try but if not, find the strength to move on.

    i also understand what you mean about being numb. I felt like that and its probably because you haven't let yourself go. I always thought if i broke down id never get bk up. But crying is apart of healing. Even if over a soppy film.

    you mention not having something to look forward too. Have you thought about joinging a group or booking a trip?

  • Hi - you have said in the post that you have two problems, from what you have said it sounds as though the two problems are related. Emotions and people can be difficult to deal with and it is good that you have created a space where you can let off steam and re-charge - a good coping strategy. As your sister is now spending time in your room you are now out of your routine and a change in routine could be what is causing you to feel a change within yourself. Is your sister someone you could talk to who may understand how important it is for you to have some space - maybe you could compromise in the meantime until she gets another phone - hopefully this will not be for too long. Try not to worry about the feelings of numbness and having no interest as this is something that I have found can strike me at anytime - it will pass eventually - in the meantime take good care of yourself -try to eat well and sleep well, watch a favourite film or listen to some music you enjoy - that's good you have reached out and found this website as it is a good place to open out to help cope with and move on from things - another good strategy that you could use alongside letting out emotions in your safe haven. If you do not start to feel like yourself again within the next few days it may help to make an appointment to visit your GP - do you have a friend or relative that you could speak to about this?

    Hope you are feeling better this morning and that your sister finds her phone soon!

    Take care

    X

  • Hiya

    I understand how you feel about your bedroom space. Mine used to be my 'haven', but of late it's become a dumping ground for clothes, an ironing board and even a ladder. I totally agree it's good to have a place that's your space. As Georgina has suggested, could you ask your sister to take the laptop into a different room to use?

    With regards how you're feeling, I note on your posts on the anxiety forum that you are working on talking to the GP. How's that going?

    Lucy x

  • I dunno, I haven't been to my GP but the other day I did manage to tell one of my friends some of the things I was going through, but I keep not wanting to talk to him because I worry that if I say too much too often he'll think I'm attention seeking

  • But even if you were attention seeking (which I'm not suggesting you are!), that would need addressing by your GP. It's great that you have a friend you can confide in, that's a really good place to start. All too often people with mental health difficulties try to bottle it up and deal with it on their own. I bet you felt loads better after you spoke to him? X

  • Yeah, I did feel better, I'd had it bottled up for a long time

  • If you are attention seeking it is because you need attention - your needs are being ignored!

  • Hi

    Welcome to the site - I think you must be new from the way you apologise about typos - there's no need, I often put on a post , then read it back and realise there are lots of mistakes, sometimes I just leave it and other times correct it, depends how much energy I have!

    So you are new on the site, well we are a very friendly bunch of people who all experience depression to differing degrees and support one another, so we will support you as best we can and welcome your support too whenever you feel able to give it.

    You say your sister is now spending all her time in your room on your laptop - that's not on! Do your parents know and what do they say about that? Obviously you need space that is your own and private, you don't say how old you are but if you are old enough to write the way you do presumably you are a teenager and teens always need some space of their own. If you haven't already done so do talk with your mum and dad about your need to have your own room to yourself for at least half of the time. Perhaps there can be an agreement about when your sister can use your laptop, and maybe she does not need to use it in your room, but you could loan it to her for half an hour twice a day or some other arrangement like that. Also could your parents not consider getting her another phone to use until her own one turns up - if it ever does - maybe a pay as you go phone as they are cheap.

    About how you are feeling, it sounds as though you are becoming increasingly stressed and I am not surprised! If you are someone who needs your space, and presumably you have to go to school or college when you are around people a lot, then you will be over-stressed and need time to unwind by yourself.

    Instead of hating yourself - because you have done nothing wrong - why aren't you angry about your sister using YOUR room and YOUR laptop for so much of the time and why aren't you angry about your parents not stopping her - if you have told them. If they know how you feel and are ignoring your feelings then you would naturally feel angry and often when we feel angry but helpless to get our needs listened to we become depressed.

    If you have not already done so do speak with your parents and explain that you really do NEED space to yourself in the evenings, that you are ok with your sister using your laptop for a short time but that it simply isn't fair to you for her to be using it so much and certainly isn't fait to you for her to be using it in your room which prevents you from having time to do things you need to do. Maybe you could tell some white lies and say that you can't do research for school/college work or similar when she is on the laptop so much - I don't know - but use your initiative and get the situation changed. If you cannot because no one wants to listen then that will clearly be why you are depressed, in which case either hide the laptop or the leads or whatever else will make it impossible for your sister to use without damaging it for yourself. You have rights too you know! Don't be aggressive, just say what you need and say it clearly, to your sister and to your parents.

    Suexx

  • Thanks I've let her take it into her room for a while and I can have my room to myself so I have felt a little better

  • Good for you, it isn't a good permanent solution but at least for now you have some peace and can chill out - assuming you don't need the laptop to do that. x

  • I have felt numb and emotionless many times before. It's like I feel so down or so distraught by something that I just switch off. Sometimes for days. It can be your mind's way of coping. It simply needs a rest. Being depressed and anxious is exhausting on the mind and body. Try not to worry about this as I have a feeling it is normal for people like us. However, if it carries on much longer you should maybe speak to your doctor...

  • Thanks, today I've been trying to do things that i enjoy like watching sad movies and listening to music, it still doesn't feel the same but its better.

  • I love the way you say you love watching sad movies. :)

  • well that or films with nostalgic value to me, and why do you love that???

  • There's something that makes me smile about the idea of enjoying things that make us hurt but only a little. They remind us of pain but with a kind of acceptance which I always like.

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