I just started this today, im mot really sure how to start this..but i guess ill just get to the point
I have no idea what to do with myself...like when i was younger i always imaged myself doing amazing things, there was so much stuff i wanted to do. I really would have never thought id be the person i am today.
Im not happy, i can smile and laugh...but i cant BE happy. Ive made myself a huge ..... really.. i dont like to be around people, i dont like to go to stores and shop with the girls like most my age, i dont like to go in restaurants because a pit forms in my chest when i try to order something, i dont even like going to family events anymore.
Im afraid to talk to someone about it because i feel like im either bothering them, they think i want attention, or they will stab me in the back. I know i can always talk to my boyfriend, but he works all the time so i dont want him to worry about me. Plus i hate dragging people down, ill just put on a front like nothings going on. I guess thats the anxiety, i dont know.
The thing is, is that im just confused..like i want to be happy and to be able to go out and check the mail like a normal person. But i really just dont have the effort to do anything. Ive taken medication before and it just has an opposite affect on me since i had to take meds for so many things. I was on 6 pills a day for anxiety, anger, and depression. I feel like all of the meds mixed together just ..... me up more so i took myself off.
I know some what why i feel so..worthless. but like i said, i just cant get myself to do anything about it.
Im 17 and do homeschooling, been doing it for 2 years because public school literally can not handle how much of a mess i am🤷♀️ homeschool has honeslty made my anxiety worse since now im in my house by myself almost 24/7.
I see girls my age going to prom, hanging out in places with friends, and getting cars and it hurts. It hurts that im mentally incapable of doing normal things. Everything is so difficult for me and no one understands...they think im over exaggerating.
I used to be so nice and happy...and i just want to be that again.