Relationship-ish Advice Please


So one of my close friends (lets call her Rose) has helped me through a lot of problems including depression, anxiety, eating disorders and self harm. Rose is a beautiful girl with an amazing personality and before I knew it I started to fall for her and then close friends of mine and hers told me that she felt the same way.

I kept the feelings inside for a few months, even though I knew she liked me too, because I didn't want to ruin our friendship. Then she met this other girl (who I haven't met), who is, in my eyes, so much better then me, she deserved Rose more then I did because she was beautiful, kind, skinny and she made Rose happy... More then I did.

My self harm spiked again when they became closer and closer; I was consumed with jealousy and anger at an innocent girl I didn't know, and I felt horrible for it, making my depression become worse again. I then came to the conclusion that Rose liked this girl, as she made it quite obvious; I was devastated.

Recently, for some stupid reason, I told Rose I liked her a lot, she didn't really say anything about it except that she liked me too and that we'll talk about it.

Well, I spoke to her and... She does like this girl. And that she never liked me at all.

Obviously, I was heartbroken; she had led me on, telling everyone and me that she liked me and wanted a relationship and then stabbed me in the back.

Sorry for the novel but I love her and I don't know what to do.

Should I fight for her, to make her see she likes me more... Or let her go?

Thank you xxx

4 Replies

  • Heya. That's a really awkward and lonely situation to be in. Lots of hugs.

    First, I wouldn't say it was stupid to say how you felt. At least you have an answer, you can process how you feel and go somewhere. Believe me, carrying on bottling up how you felt wouldn't have done any good - been there, done that, got the emotional scars :)

    Try not to worry about what Rose said...people can sometimes say all sorts of things in difficult or emotional situations that they don't necessarily mean, for lots of reasons. Just try not to think about who said what and what it means - you never know entirely what's going on in someone else's head. Try and remember that she is still your friend and this is an awkward situation for her as well.

    You can't make someone like you, or realise they like you. If they don't, they don't. Sorry, I know that's a bit brutal - but I only say it because I have been in the same dilemma as you are, and I know I would have been better to just accept it and move on. If you try and fight for it, you'll likely end up like I did, with your self-confidence totally decimated. I know right now you probably can't imagine not loving Rose - but that will happen with time. Just go day by day, and slowly they will get easier. Did the two of talk about how it's going to be with you being friends in future at all?

  • She said to me she had feeling for me the day before, so that's why I find it hard to let it go.

    I know it's brutal, and I have tried to think how I can move on; but she persistently tries to say how happy she is and such, I know I need to ignore it but it's hard.

    No, we haven't spoken about being friends; I was kind of angry at her because I felt she led me on, so I was a bit rude. But that anger is eating me up and she doesn't know what shes done... Should I fell her how I feel about the situation?

    Thank you

  • It sounds to me as if this new girl has caused a change in your relationship with Rose - regardless of whether there was physical attraction between you - and that can be really hard to deal with. Any change involves the following phases: denial - anger - acceptance - enthusiasm. It sounds as if you are probably getting close to acceptance, so don't feel upset with yourself for being angry it is part of the process.

    On the whole I think it would be better not to be confrontational and try to win Rose. We all have idealised images of the people around us and if we are fighting it tends to be for that idealised image and reality can be a big let down. At the same time don't feel that you are a bad person for not being able to accept the situation. Acceptance will come in it's own good time.

  • Thank you, this helped a lot :)

You may also like...