TMI I need help : My Finaceè constantly goes... - Women's Health

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TMI I need help

Ema1234
Ema1234

My Finaceè constantly goes on about sexual things and it is literally CONSTANT! If he doesn't mention sex 20 times a day I wouldn't be lying. He gets plenty but still goes on and on and on. How repetitive he is really turns me off. I feel guilty though because he gets upset each time I tell him to stop.

He keeps constantly trying to kiss me to get me to have sex, rubbing against me when we hug. He will say I think you should do this to me, can you do this ect. He literally knows what he is doing. It drives me crazy and makes me feel physically distressed.

He knows what he is doing. I clearly give the impression I'm not in the mood. We can't even hug without him thinking about sex. It physically is making me anxious, when he is holding onto me and constantly touching me, it makes me really uncomfortable.

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To also mention, I'm 23 weeks pregnant and he still wont back off. It's all he ever wants to do. I get treated like a sexual object.

That is the worst.

Have you ever seen the videos from the YouTube channel “The Skin Deep”? With this one couple, Sidra and Ben, I just found their relationship endearing. They have like 3 or 4 videos of them like before they have their kid and then later.

Watch this: youtu.be/Y2jQ3p2i6h4 At around 3 minutes of something, she kind of had the opposite problem of you. He was viewing as sacred goddess mother of his child sort of thing. Anyways, their laughter is contagious in this video also: youtu.be/vzxBlcZgdt0

You aren’t being heard. Your needs aren’t being prioritized and balanced with his. I wouldn’t want to make my spouse pressured, uncomfortable, or anxious. You want to be treasured! Listened to! Treated as a special, valued, beautiful spouse who is lavished with love and romance!!

My essential christianity teacher said there are 4 things men need to do more of in class: 1) listen 2) romance (make her feel special) 3) learn and cater to her love languages 4) embrace double standards (...and for the women we were told to 1) respect/honor spouse 2) provide words of appreciation/building him up).

It’s like how Jesus loves us. We want marriage to mirror the relationship between Jesus and the church! For men, like Jesus, to be willing to lay down their lives, right? That’s a whole thing and I’m still learning what like a healthy relationship looks like idk.

No one likes being manipulated by others for their own gain. In marriage, you need mutual respect.

I don’t know why he’s doing this. I always want to recommend counseling - because there could be reasons that are contributing to the excessive sexual frustration or drive of your fiancée that need to be addressed or solved. But, it doesn’t sound like he’d have the attitude to be willing to go.

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate Book by Gary Chapman is very great! You could take the test! One person who was married went to marriage counseling and their spouse wouldn’t go with them... things weren’t great. So, that one person kept going to marriage counseling alone and kept trying to focus on what they could control - how they acted. So, they learned to speak their spouse’s love languages and it helped. (My top one is words of affirmation).

Anyways! I am concerned for you and hope you are able to find a way to alleviate tensions and make sure you’re treated well! Your safety, your emotions, your body, and your baby deserve love, attention, respect, and care! 💕

**Plus you’re pregnant - no one should be allowed to make you physically distressed. ***

Hiya,

I’ve been there, I only have to touch my partners arm and he starts feeling turned on so I can sympathise with you, now he’s a bit older and has had millions of rebuffs from me over the years he has realised that my sex drive is nowhere near his and never will b and he won’t pester me but it’s taken years to get there.

It can be difficult when there is a mismatch in sex drives but it can be worked through with some compromise between you, the key word is compromise, if he’s not going to take your feelings into consideration then it doesn’t make for a happy relationship. It is horrible to feel like an object so you need to make it clear to him this is how he makes you feel and you won’t put up with his behaviour, probably better to do this now rather than when you are exhausted with a newborn baby and he’s still trying to beg you for sex. Whatever happens I hope it all gets sorted x

I’m wondering if this is a new problem, or a change.

Perhaps he did it before, but now that you are pregnant, you feel differently about it. Or could it be that he’s worried he might not get any for a while once the baby is born. How does he feel about becoming a dad?

Erm ... is he watching a lot of porn? Because that might cause an unrealistic view of sex.

You have said that it’s causing you physical distress and making you anxious and uncomfortable. Then when you challenge him he gets upset and you’re the one who feels guilty. How does he feel about the fact that his behaviour is upsetting you?

How do you usually resolve disagreements in your relationship?

All the best. 🙂

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