Is it me or him - low libido...?

[squibbitus]

I have been with my hubby for 18 years and married for 7. At the beginning of our relationship for probably a good 11 years I was interested in our sexual side to our relationship. For the last 5-6 years I have gradually lost interest in sex, I don't have much libido - maybe one day just before my period, the rest of the month I am numb to sexual feelings. I am 47. It doesn't bother me, if I never had sex again I would be very happy. It's the pressure my husband gives me, he thinks he is being kind and saying "only if you want to" but this just makes me feel bad and makes me feel like I have something wrong with me. I understand that in a relationship it is nice to show affection and closeness but I am just not feeling it. I do not feel sexual towards other men either or women (for that matter). I am just happy doing other stuff. So what is the answer? I was thinking of drugs from GP? To give me my libido back - if it was there I would happily enjoy a sex life. I just don't get excited. Hubby is the issue, he obviously wants regular sex - so I end up feeling like I "have" to, to satisfy him..... We have had sexual intercourse approx 4-5 times this year. It is okay when we do have sex, it is nice and loving, etc... but I can take it or leave it - it is not exciting enough for me to want to do it more regularly. I have orgasms, no problem there - but I almost feel like "Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt" - move on to other things in life....does anyone here understand?

[Rachh8]

I think I would have a chat with your GP if you were brave enough the next time you see them as they could be different reasons for this and there could be things to help. Just my input x

[Muminspire1]

It's good that you are talking about it. I would use Chinese or natural herbs first before anything prescribed. Sex is very important in a relationship and your husband is being very nice and doesn't want to upset you. Obviously things have changed in 18 years but you can re light the fire. Both of you if you want can work together to make sex as interesting as before. Age is a big factor, things like dryness and body image can also play a negative role unconsciously. You are probably not much bothered if it happens or not but long term it will or might not help your relationship. Explore different positions and different things. Regular Intimacy is good for both of you emotionally and in every other way. I have had short periods when I was not that interested, when baby first comes home and thank God it was only for short periods. Tiredness and lack of sleep is what triggered that. As long as you know the reason or triggers then you will be able to address this. Wishing you the well for the future .....

[Hidden in reply to Muminspire1]

If you are suffering from thyroid problems loss of libido is one of hundreds of related symptoms. I suffered similar "loss of interest" but once my medication was at optimum levels my libido came back. Please speak to your GP.

[squibbitus]

Thank you Suma Rach and Jojo, I have had in the past issues which could be linked to thyroid - fatigue, weight issues, but for the life of me I cannot get a blood test for the T3 or T4 or the other ones that show up a thyroid issue, they will only do a straight forward TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) - if this is normal they do not test any further. Having done some research on this in the past, you can have a normal TSH and abnormal T3 or whatever - but the GP protocol is to not test any further unless TSH is out of whack - can I get the further tests privately do you know?

[Muminspire1]

These days if you can afford private care then everything is on your fingertips, seriously consider natural herbs and if they don't work for you then proceed to the private screening. When there is an imbalance in the body anywhere then things start going wrong. Chinese meds and natural herbs work by addressing that imbalance. The body is fascinating that even a simple thing as monotony of anything can just turn you off. After years a lot of people stop being romantical and stop doing the right things, am not saying you are, but just talking generally. Try looking deep and see what has changed, After 10 years in second marriage things were getting monotonous and we had to work together to make it exciting again. Now we both look forward to it. I had to look back and he had too, to re visit the past and change things for the best future. Talking openly to each other is key......

[sjp20]

Can I ask did you get any help with this, Iv just read your post and feel exactly the same, but the difference being I do get pressure from my husband. Did medication help? or therapy? or other?