Could this have happened or are these just thoughts?

Please don't judge me, I really don't need it. I had a baby a few days ago and I was so happy after the birth. It's the hours that followed that have now changed happiness into worry and guilt. I had to stay in hospital and I am breastfeeding so had only a few hours sleep in those few days as he wanted to feed constantly. All was fine until one night where I fell asleep for about an hour an a half. ( still in hospital) Before I fell asleep I managed to settle baby. Anyway I suddenly woke up quick to him screaming. I pulled him out of his cot quick to feed him. Then that's when I got all these overwhelming intrusive thoughts that someone has come and hurt him or shook him during the night whilst I was sleeping. There was only one other lady and a baby on the ward at this point. Midwives were all at their station and the doors to our ward was closed. I thought what if this lady was annoyed that my baby was crying to much making too much noise and she hurt him or she just did it for some other reason. It might sound stupid to some but I can't get it out of my head and it's affecting me. I don't know where it's come from! Then the next day my 'cubical curtain' was open and she looked in at me so this just re-enforced these thoughts. Is this some sort of depression or could this have really happened? Would I know if someone had hurt him. I can't function with these thoughts in my head. I look at him with guilt thinking he's been harmed and it's my fault for not keeping awake.

6 Replies

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  • I think you might just be overwhelmed and tired. It's highly unlikely that this lady would harm your son and he would have screamed whilst she was still with him. Newborns are very vulnerable and they do sometimes awaken and scream. I've had this experience many times when I worked as a post natal nurse. There is evidence to suggest that even neonates dream, so perhaps he was just having a bad dream.

    If these thoughts continue to bother you, or you feel like you're not bonding, do tell your midwife. It's also perfectly normal to feel this way after your milk comes in. Pm me if you want. In the meantime, congratulations on your lovely new arrival. xx

  • Newborn babies cry and also do scream, I am a mother of four. Highly unlikely another Lady hurt your baby. Why would she risk her freedom? Worst case scenario if anything happened, Was there any marks or anything like that ? I love babies and always look at other people's babies. You are entitled to some sleep as well. With my last baby I was scared of leaving her alone in case someone took her or even swooped her with another one, I had a self contained room in the hospital and left the door open incase someone came in while I was using the bathroom. I think Child birth is traumatic whether we agree on this or not and the hormones together with all the feelings that build up towards delivery makes new Mums have this kind of feelings. With my second baby I had to literally rush to the ladies if my husband wasn't there despite the fact that I spoke to all the ladies sharing the bay with me. Hope you and your baby are doing well and hope you will be discharged soon.

  • Hi Sammyjayneex🙂

    I agree with what's been said, it's unlikely that your son has been harmed🙂

    The night before I was induced I became really hyper and euphoric, it wasn't

    like me at all. After I'd given birth I wouldn't hold my baby, she was given to my husband. I had difficulty bonding and couldn't relate to her at all. I'd desperately wanted a baby and was consumed with guilt.

    Speak to your midwife/GP. My daughter is now in her 30s but I still haven't forgotten the experience. Mothers are better placed these days for help with their concerns.

    Above all else you want to enjoy your baby🙂xBeryl

  • You poor thing, you're exhausted. To go by what you have said above, you know that it is really unlikely that anyone hurt your baby and that your fear and worry is bigger than it should be. I think you should get support sooner rather than later, try to express some milk and get a trusted baby sitter to let you sleep through at least one feed. Talk to mid-wife or doctor, guilt is normal and so is resentment at the baby who is stopping you sleeping and if you talk about these things they won't build up in your head so much.

  • As the mother of five children I can assure you babies wake up screaming for absolutely no reason - sometimes I have watched a restless baby thinking 'he/she is about to wake' and the screaming can start Before their eyes are even open.

    Also hormones are pretty strong and pull your emotions about all over the place. Manically happy, too tired to move, panic stricken you just need to talk to your partner or close friend and let them know that you feel like you are on a rollercoaster of emotions.

    Once the baby settles into a bit of a routine and you get over the physical side of becoming a mum and have a few hours of sleep I am sure you will feel less tense and better grounded. Trust yourself and your instincts though and if you feel things with the baby are not ok do seek advice from your Gp/midwife/health visitor.

    Only other thing left to say is congratulations and enjoy your baby!

  • Thanks to everyone who has responded to me. I'm sorry to hear that some there have experienced similar things to I have. It takes over your life. I spend everyday going over that night in the hospital trying to find some sort of reassurance.

    I do need to talk to someone to get this off my chest. I wanted to talk to my husband but not see how he will take it and I don't want to ruin his happiness of having a new baby. I might book an appointment with the doctor and pluck up the courage to go in and talk about it.

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