New boyfriend a liar

[Inaquandary]

Hi, this isnt so much a health question, but I am so shocked I need some advice.

In July this year I met the guy of my dreams. Tall, handsome, caring, made me laugh, great sex. I found out yesterday the whole thing was a lie, even his name. He told me he worked in radio. He told me he used to live abroad. His ex wife is foreign. Its all crap. He has been married 20 odd years. He has never lived abroad. He has 3 children, not one. He lives in a different town to the one he told me.

I havent confronted him yet, not sure how to do it. Do I tell his wife??

I have yet to confront him with my knowledge. Any advice gratefully received.

[Angie0904]

hi Lindsaydawnson, i am very sorry you are going through this hell, its a very difficult one, but please think it through and dont act on impulse! I dont know how you got the info, but i guess with all the media sites these days i bet it wasnt that surprising, men hey, what idiots they are... one thing i would say though is dont get the wife involved, not worth the hassle and he may well take it very badly... so thread carefully there!! Ok, so this is what i would do, of course it will be up to you in the end, but as much as it is soul destroying and you will feel distraught after, it is best not to delay and get it over with asap... Tell him what you found about him, you dont have to say how and where, see what he says ( i strongly suspect he will defend himself saying that his marriage is on the rocks, bla bla bla, hes unhappy, that he has to think of the children.... ) i know you dont want to hear this but i would count my losses, because unless he leaves and gets divorced, which i doubt will happen, you are heading for a heartbreak all the way at least you found out now... i wish you all the luck, but more importantly i wish you all the happiness you deserve in the future take care and let us know how you get on! xxx

[Inaquandary in reply to Angie0904]

Thank you, I think you are right, but he needs to stop doing this to people, everything he said for the last 4 months was a lie, he invented stuff that didn't need to be lied about, he was sooo plausible too, I am supposed to be meeting him in a couple of days - do I still meet him and confront him with it? I need to know WHY... x

[Angie0904 in reply to Inaquandary]

yes you are right, absolutely he should not be able to do this to someone else, but you also need answers, so go ahead and meet him and ask him, he may or may not tell you anything but if you don't confront him and meet him as normal it will consume you, believe me i have been there, and the best way is out in the open, for your own sake so again i wish you luck.. not easy i know... but believe it or not this nasty experience will leave stronger in the end... you go girl, and don't let him fool you any longer!! xxx

[Inaquandary in reply to Angie0904]

Thats good advice. I'm still very shocked by it all. Plus I was vulnerable as I had thyroid cancer last October, didnt get the all clear until last month. I feel the world's biggest idiot for believing it all xx

[Angie0904 in reply to Inaquandary]

Oh you poor thing, so glad you are well now, and you are no way an idiot, he is, you were in a fragile state and he took advantage of it!! I know somewhere there is someone for you... concentrate on you and your well being, and the rest will follow.. you are much stronger than you think.. he is the one who will eventually end up sad and lonely.. men like him use people, have no conscience or self respect... and you are so much better than that, and as Karma has it, it came you way and opened your eyes you will be ok, be gentle on yourself.. and one day you will look back and smile... because the future is what counts, and happiness will find you xxx

[Inaquandary in reply to Angie0904]

I hope you are right. I am going to confront him with what I know. He will have to talk to me or I go to his wife. I am just shell shocked x

[Inaquandary in reply to Angie0904]

Hi... I just wanted to let you know I now have a wonderful man all of my own, we have been together 9 months and everything is going so well. You were right there was someone for me!! X

[User1123]

Sounds horrible but if I was the wife, I'd want to know instead of living a lie. Be careful as you don't know how he's going to react xx

[Joanne1972]

I personally wouldn't confront him in person but I've had a violent ex so I just wouldn't want you to be put in danger, I know he may not react in a violent way but when confronted he could become aggressive especially if he thinks his wife, kids might find out.

Even if he isn't aggressive, he's most likely just going to give you loads off bull poo.

I'd send a text, just saying something like I know who you really are n use his real name. And leave him to fret a while on what you are going to do about his betrayal. Try not to reply straight away to his excuses, try and keep calm n let him have all the anxiety. Maybe reply to anything the next day if you must.

I was also conned by a conman, he lied about his name, his job, I lent him £3000. His money was tied up in investments!!! I only found out when the police called me from city airport and he had been arrested using a false passport. And this low life was different from the violent lowlife 😒

Good riddance I say, on the day you were going to meet him I'd go to the hairdressers get a fabulous blow dry, go and have a glass of wine in a classy joint n think how great you are n how pathetic he is

Jo

[Palermo]

Most important thing is you are cancer free! If it were me I would not tell the wife and I would not confront him either. Tell him you aren't interested any more, end of.

[Inaquandary]

Update... Confronted him with the knowledge. He was gutted he's been caught out. He has confessed everything to me, we are still messaging, what he doesnt know is if he doesnt tell his wife, I probably will.

[BadHare Ambassador in reply to Inaquandary]

blogs.psychcentral.com/reco...

[BadHare Ambassador]

As hard as it is for you cut the strings, do not contact him ever again. Nothing you can say to him will dent his over inflated ego. There is no reasoning behind psychopathic behaviour like this other than getting pleasure from manipulating people by playing emotional cat & mouse. If you show him how upset you are, he'll just lie more & enjoy the effect he has on you.

Take a look at this website which has several articles regarding the toxic behaviour this con man has displayed, & how to spot them before it's too late: blogs.psychcentral.com/reco...

[jennicole31]

Hi friend, I am so sorry that you're in this situation. I would suggest that you confront him immediately and tell him to tell his wife and end the relationship. I am praying that you find the courage and wisdom to gracefully do so!

[Inaquandary]

Update!

I told his wife, she was upset but forgave him, they are still together as far as I know.

I have met a wonderful man, I’m so happy, what a difference a year makes!!

Thank you for the replies, they helped a lot, that was one of the most difficult times of my life and you all helped, thank you x