Depression and Menopause

[Scarlett31]

I'm not sure what is wrong I have been going through the menopause fr 7 years but just suffer night sweats i am only on 10mg HRT which in fairness helps. I lost my Dad 12 months ago but cannot really blame how I feel on that. My youngest child moved out 6 months ago to his own house so now it' just the two of us. I am angry all the time, having mood swings feeling rejected it's even affecting my marriage. I am so miserable with everything around me and I feel so lonely and that no-one understands. I've even put my house up for sale thinking moving will help. What is wrong with me ?

[wobblybee Administrator Pioneer]

Hi Scarlett😊

Some women sail through the menopause but for some of us it's a long haul😏

Irritating symptoms that leave you drained, constant pent up anger and a general feeling of not being able to cope, I remember it well😏 Suffering a bereavement in the middle of all this, and adjusting to life as an empty nester can't have been easy.

Your husband, your nearest and dearest, probably hasn't a clue how to help you😏 Let's face it, men do not deal well with feelings, they seem to have a knack of saying the wrong thing or looking at you the wrong way😊

Putting your house up for sale is pretty drastic, are you sure it's going to help?

Emotionally and physically you're undergoing a massive upheaval, you will get through it but it just takes time. Ask a sympathetic GP if there's other help available😊

Above all else, be kind to yourself😊xBeryl

[Scarlett31 in reply to wobblybee]

Thanks for that I just feel so lonely he doesn't help your right typical man just ignore everything and eventually it will go away. The house is too big now and been her 19 years just feel it's time to change. Unfortunately I have 2 sons they have their own lives I know but wish they would call maybe once a week without me having to chase them.

I will go to the GP if can get an appointment and see what they say

[Silver_Fairy in reply to Scarlett31]

Not sure what you mean by 10mg HRT, but a change may help? Also you may need more progesterone, as that is the 'feel good' hormone

[luisal in reply to Silver_Fairy]

Neither me! But, is it a good idea to take hormones replacement (progesterone, etc) when you have APS? Better for Scarlett to ask her doctor.

[Silver_Fairy in reply to luisal]

Im sure I will regret asking (because it's probably obvious!) but what is APS?

[luisal in reply to Silver_Fairy]

Oh, no, no, it's not obvious. APS is the acronym for Hughes Syndrome or Anti Phopholipid Syndrome.

[Silver_Fairy in reply to luisal]

Thank you, have looked it up! Oestrogen is contraindicated for Hughes but no mention of progesterone. I take just progesterone and it stops my flushes and mood swings, also helps me sleep. Maybe ask your GP Scarlett?

[PANYAN1960 in reply to Silver_Fairy]

Hi Silver Fairy, do you get bleeds with the progesterone? I feel fairly lucky with the menopause in that I don't suffer with mood swings, but I do suffer with hot flushes and these keep waking me at night. I really don't want to take any medication, but in need of a good nights sleep! Thanks

[Lara1244 in reply to Scarlett31]

Hi there I’m post menopausal and suffer from effects of total hysterectomy with removal of ovaries - I hear what you say and also your sons not contacting on a regular basis - my son is same but you know what he still loves you!!! They are just not good at small talk and asking about people - they are at height of social life and lots going on. Don’t lose heart - they can’t see that Mum needs a hug - here’s one from me 😘 😊

[stroppybrunette]

My dad also died 12 months ago, and my mother-in-law 10 days before him. Both died a few days after their birthdays. I was officially menopausal mid-November - which I remembered because my MIL's birthday was the last time I had a period! My emotions are also all over the place and, from talking to friends who have lost a parent, it seems pretty normal for the grief process to last at least 2-3 years. I spend a lot of time feeling guilty that I'm not performing well enough at work; fortunately my boss and colleagues are kind and mindful that I have a lot going on in my head.

Christmas makes it worse, I think. I have demanded that we do something different this year as mum and dad always came to us (my mother is still alive but won't be coming any more as she has advanced dementia). I really wanted to go away for the holiday; eventual compromise with the husband (who doesn't like change!) was that we have Christmas dinner at a local restaurant with our sons, plus I booked for the two of to have new year at a cottage near the coast.

Be kind to yourself, and consider finding a therapist who can help you make sense of your feelings and how to move forward. I run antenatal courses for parents-to-be, and I think there's a huge need for something similar for women in mid-life. Our physical selves are altering and on top of that we have masses of emotional stuff happening with parents, children, relationships changing.... We need more ways of finding good information about what's happening to us, plus help to find peer support. Are you in any groups or organisations which are primarily about women, such as the Women's Institute? I find it really helps to hang out with women where there's a mix of ages, so you can get lots of different perspectives on life.

[stroppybrunette in reply to stroppybrunette]

PS - how about phoning your sons and telling them you're having a tough time emotionally and you would appreciate a regular appointment to catch up with them, so as to maintain a bit of continuity in your changing life? Perhaps they're taking their emotional cues from their dad, and need an extra prod to be responsive. If nothing else, you'll be doing your future daughters-in-law a huge favour by educating them about this time of life.

[beachgirl18 in reply to stroppybrunette]

I completely agree there should be courses for mid life

[Boozybird]

Hi s,

I'm sorry to hear about your dad... It's hard dealing with all the changes in your body and in your life! It's worth getting a general MOT - hormone levels, thyroid, b12, Vit D, iron - just to check how you are... Depression is a symptom of physical as well as life changes and yes! Phone up those boys and remind them you need a bit of mumma love! Best wishes 😜🍀👍🏼

[BBBOA]

It might be worth changing your HRT. It took several trials for me to find a tolerable one. I found that I was progesterone intolerant even so that left me with estrogen only. Worth considering as some made me very tearful.

[rettalee55]

After so many years of taking HRT, my progesterone last got raised to 220 mg. FINALLY! A good nights sleep without that extra sleeping pill! Quite high but I guess what I needed. Anyway, I would think twice about the house sale. I am still in the house my kids were raised in, and at Christmas time, is way too small. With children's spouses and grandkids getting in each other's way---. I know how you are feeling. My hubby has military related ptsd, and at times clams up leaving me feeling alone also. With 'empty-nest' syndrome, and menopause, and depending on each other for support, this does not help. My prayers are with you. Hang in there and take each day at a time. Don't forget to pamper yourself at this time!!!