Postpartum depression : Hello I had my... - Women's Health

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Postpartum depression

sara_n profile image

Hello

I had my second baby 6 months ago. And I still can’t bond with her and feel she’s the reason why my life is ruined. I wanted to have an abortion but I didn’t have ay support and my husband was against it, although he didn’t want the baby in the beginning. I hate my life now I’m sad. My relation with my husband is ruined. I wish I could go back in time and do the abortion.

14 Replies

I'm really sorry you're going through this :(

What's the age gap between your two? Were they close together?

I think this is worth speaking to your doctor about. It's so common for women to get like this, the tiredness, the hormones, the vitamins you've just shelled out to your little one/s. They can refer you on to services and can check you out for anything else that could be causing it.

sara_n profile image
sara_n in reply to Cooper27

5 years gap. I just tried once n when I got pregnant I was shocked. Wanted the abortion then no one supported me n I was stupid. I went to my doctor more than once he used to Change my mind n scares me n telling me that I’ll regret it.

I saw more than one therapist took medication and did ect. But nothing seems to help. My family still wants me to see a therapist but I don’t think it will help.

Cooper27 profile image
Cooper27 in reply to sara_n

Sometimes we need to see more than one therapist before we find one that works for us, so don't rule it out. Try someone else, and if you don't like them after 3 sessions or so, at least you can say you've tried. Be upfront with the therapist that you're just trying it out.

Unfortunately postpartum depression is more common with the second child, but it is a bit of a downward loop. Until you break this circle, you won't get better.

You need help from your health visitor and GP because this isn't good for your baby, she will pick up on the tension and eventually will know she is unwanted.

sara_n profile image
sara_n in reply to bantam12

I don’t want her n I feel like I don’t care for her a t all. I want to leave take my first child and leave her with her father. Sounds crazy Everyone is aging that. But i can’t take it anymore. My whole life has changed my son will be going to a different school now cz we can’t afford this one anymore.

bantam12 profile image
bantam12 in reply to sara_n

If you don't think therapy will help you and her Dad doesn't want her either then for her sake you need to think about putting her up for adoption, there are so many couples desperate for a child to love.

sara_n profile image
sara_n in reply to bantam12

He’s in love with her he’s telling me please try to love her for my sake.

wobblybee profile image
wobblybeeAdministrator

😔 I’m so sorry you find yourself in this awful position. My initial thought would be to speak to a sympathetic GP, who would hopefully point you in the right direction for further help in sorting out your feelings, and situation.

I had severe Postpartum Depression with my first child (born 1979), and at the time this condition was poorly recognised, it was a truly awful experience, I couldn’t bond either and I’ve never forgotten it. All my GP offered was pills, what I really needed was someone to talk to who would help me work through my ‘unexpected feelings’...so that I was in a better position to cope.

sara_n profile image
sara_n in reply to wobblybee

Thank you for sharing your story. How long did it take you to feel better?

wobblybee profile image
wobblybeeAdministrator in reply to sara_n

🤔 Because it was at a time when the condition wasn’t really recognised, it did take me some time to ‘pull myself together’. My Husband travelled a lot for his job, and my Mother lived some distance away, so I won’t deny it was a struggle. Usually, Midwives and Health Visitors are very aware these days, they monitor anyone who seems to be struggling, if this had been happening to me now I’d be very surprised if anyone failed to notice, and not take the appropriate action.

Eventually we moved house, and I explained to my new GP that although I wanted another child, I was very concerned the whole cycle of events would happen again. Thankfully I was reassured that help would definitely be at hand this time round, and I had my second child 4yrs later without any sign of the previous problems. 4yrs may seem a long time to wait, but as we all know, it’s not always possible to get pregnant at the first attempt.

Read your post and feel for you so much. Sometimes when we are going thru a hard time, we need some steady reassurance that things will get better. Regards the abortion, I think you need some therapy to help make peace with your situation. The baby is here now, and I know you’re going to work things out - if you weren’t feeling low about this, you’d be low about something else, believe me. Life is full of pain and suffering sometimes. You probably are in a state of grief - grieving for your old life or it’s potential. I think you need to be allowed space to feel this.

Can you join a new mother’s group and perhaps connect with other women in the same situation? Some say motherhood is the pinnacle of a woman’s life and will question why you are unhappy - avoid those people. Seek out people only with the ability to fully empathise without judgement. Your baby will be fine - your bond will come. I think for this next while you need to work on getting yourself happier with your situation, grieving the loss of your old life, and trying to build up a picture of how this new life is going to look. There will be beautiful days and tough days. But do look after your mental health- and do make sure you’re in nonjudgmental company. Wishing you some alone time, and best wishes on clarifying your thoughts and emotions.

sara_n profile image
sara_n in reply to donTwant

I feel that I ruined my life and no one gets it or gets how I feel :(

They always say look at this persons life or this persons life. U have It al you should be happy. But I’m not.

Thank you for replying to my post

wobblybee profile image
wobblybeeAdministrator in reply to sara_n

😕 Sara, you’re coping with a situation that won’t resolve on its own. Please reconsider seeking further help with this, you deserve to feel much better than you do at the moment. And, once things are in a better perspective, it’s very likely your attitude could be totally different towards your new child.

I’ve carried guilt for quite some years simply because I felt I’d failed my first child. But things could have been so different for me, you have the opportunity to take advantage of new awareness, these days we are encouraged to ‘talk things through’...it isn’t frowned upon, no-one judges.

So you’ve not felt encouraged by people you’ve seen so far, don’t give up..and do accept support from your family. Continually wishing the situation will change won’t do anything, I know it’s hard to accept but you yourself need to change in order to feel better equipped to cope with the situation rationally. ((Hugs))xB

sara_n I am so sorry you are facing this. Many of these feelings are normal and dealing with PPD is rarely something you can deal with on your own. May I suggest checking out some resources here bit.ly/2pk2L6d. You are in my thoughts!

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