CRAZY IF WE DO AND EVEN MORE CRAZY IF WE DON'... - Quit Support

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CRAZY IF WE DO AND EVEN MORE CRAZY IF WE DON'T .....

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ATTENTION PLEASE - HEALTH WARNING - PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH BEFORE CONTINUING

For those of you who have read my previous blogs you know I don’t do short ones (this one’s longish – I can do longer if you want me to!) but if you decide to carry on reading then I thank you.

SOMETIMES IT’S VERY HARD …to live with a decision we have made. I think we all at some time in our lives have made what we think is the right choice only to learn that it is extremely difficult and/or hard and/or impossible. We can all be wise after the event after all hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Being a smoker for well over 40 years and one who has never smoked less than 40 a day, I know as do other smokers, that for us there are just two choices – we either smoke or we don’t! As the meerkats would say, simple! I am a smoker or I am not a smoker - there is definitely, positively no in-between - you are either one or the other.

Now as a smoker who has given up I can say that my promise to myself was easily made but the actually doing of it was quite a different matter. I have had at least 4 quit dates in the last 8 weeks but can now say that I smoked my last ciggie at 8.50 pm on Sunday, 9th March, 2013. You see unlike for example people who decide to diet, we give up cigarettes completely whereas dieters do not stop eating food! Our quit is total – no half measures as we can’t afford them as one ciggie will lead to another, then another and so on and so forth. So our commitment to quit has to be total and unequivocal and whereas we do not say those dieters (or anyone quitting something) does not have the same commitment they at least can partake in food still!

If you go back to when we were younger, life then was oh so simple. You got up, you played and went to school (unless of course it was the holidays in which case you just played all day), you came home and you played some more and then you went to bed and it all started again the next morning.

Nowadays, because we are more mature (that means older but sounds better) we realise that nothing, especially life itself as we live/know it, is ever that simple or straightforward, or is it?

You can make your life as difficult or as easy as you please – after all you’re in control of your own destiny, aren’t you? Want to do something? Then do it! Want to go somewhere? Then just go! Want to eat something? Then eat it! Want to have a cigarette? Not on your Nellie! Why the devil not you say? Because you’ve given up is your answer – you gave up days no ages ago! These question and answer sessions between your good and bad angel are very tiresome as they each make a very good point and argue there corner exceptionally well, don’t they?

In a nutshell, like the title says, we’re crazy if we smoke and definitely crazier still if we give up!

In a perfect world everything would be, well, perfect, wouldn’t it? If everything is perfect, is that then perfection? Each of us has our own definition of what is and isn’t perfect but it doesn’t necessarily follow that we can define perfection.

If you look up the two words in a dictionary, then the chances are that you may not agree with what it says and depending what dictionary you use can make a difference in the answer (believe me, I know as I’ve looked them up!). For instance, perfect = being without fault, defect or blemish. Now come on folks, be completely and utterly honest, just how many of us are that? Not many, if any at all. Perfection = the state or quality of being or becoming perfect. Don’t think I can be the only one saying ‘what the hell does that mean?’ If you notice though it refers us back to perfect and each of us has their own view and/or idea and/or interpretation of just what perfect means to us – us as in me or you! Let’s face it, ask any two people what these or any word means, and I would think that you are 99.9% certain to get two totally different answers.

Now you’re probably all thinking “what is this silly (old) woman on about?” and quite rightly too. If we lived in a perfect world then none of us would smoke because they would not be for sale either legally over the counter or on the black market as they just wouldn’t be made. In our not so perfect world we are constantly being told that they are bad for us (along with a whole host of other stuff). Choosing as we do sometimes to ignore what we are told even though it may be correct, we carry on smoking and basically ‘cock a snoop’ at the “do-gooders” who seem to delight in telling us that “you shouldn’t do that, it’s bad for you”. Has anyone else noticed though, that all governments, of whatever political party, never BAN the making of cigarettes, never BAN the selling of cigarettes but take great delight in putting the cost up as often as they can knowing full well that those of us addicted to them will pay, no matter what the increase. We are addicts make no bones about it, the only difference between us cigarette smoking addicts and other drug addicts is that the government has made our drug legal and takes god only knows how much of the cost of each packet in duty and/or tax.

Now before I go any further, I must stress that apart from what I state in the next paragraph I do not have any personal experience of being told I have a life threatening illness. Yes, I do have Menieres Disease but as far as I am aware, this is not life threatening it just, at times, disrupts my life (alright then honest answer – it totally and utterly c***ks up my life).

Approximately 10 years ago, my other half was diagnosed diabetic which was not only a big, big shock but meant a complete change of lifestyle for us both. In a sense, this diagnosis was the ultimate blow – it could, if not managed properly, result in him losing a leg, having kidney problems and even be life threatening. Now don’t get me wrong, I know there is far, far worse but whatever the illness, I think for most people, just like my other half, and myself come to that, the first reaction is “Why me? What have I done to warrant this being inflicted on me?” Once the initial shock has worn off, we pull ourselves up by the boot straps and face whatever is thrown at us with all the power that we can muster. For my other half, it meant a complete change of lifestyle, no more ‘I’ll eat when I’m hungry’ and/or ‘I’ll eat what I like’. A totally different diet with meals at/or around specific times which had and still is adhered to plus daily medication.

In a nutshell, what I’m saying is we are all individuals with faults be they large or small, known or unknown. We are not perfect and I doubt that any of us will ever be as we are human with all the faults and frailties that that includes/incurs.

So, as we are all individuals, we each fight our common enemy differently but our goal is the same – to be smoke free - to beat nic once and for all and get rid of him out of our lives for ever and ever, for good, permanently, end the power that he seems to have over us. We share our highs and lows with each other in the hope that not only do they help the fight but that we can say yes that happened to me and I did this which didn’t work but that worked for me so give it a try and see! There are times when what we relate/talk about means that we can also share and laugh together which is always a great tonic/boost. There are sad times too when we have a slight tumble or perhaps a short fall but not that far (it's never too far) that we can’t be saved and we help pick each other up, dust ourselves down and face our small slip-up. We are encouraged to start again – we’ve done it once so we can definitely do it again – knowing full well that we (and hopefully others) have learnt from the experience and are more prepared so that if there is a next time there will be no slip-up, we will take/jump the hurdle without breaking stride. When this happens, we share our joy with everyone after all that is what this site is about – sharing the good times as well as the bad - helping each other celebrate or commiserate but no matter what occurs, we are there for each other to encourage and support one another to help lift each other’s spirits and give each other the strength to face another day. We never, ever judge as we ourselves would not want to be judged.

I am extremely fortunate in that so far, some 20 days after having my last cigarette I have not fallen, have teetered on the edge and perhaps slipped a step or two down the slope but, so far, that is the worst that has happened. Yesterday was a horribly bad day for me, I really, really wanted a cigarette and the more I tried to tell myself I didn’t, the more I wanted one! These things happen and yes, I am well aware that there is an awful long way to go still but with all of you on my side, I know that I can do this. Without you lot, I would have fallen and not got back up again more than likely on day 2, possibly, actually probably, on day 1, and would now be back where I started and be smoking like a chimney!

We are all bound to have slip-ups, falls, teeters, near misses, whatever you prefer to call them because we are all human beings. Just because we falter does not mean that we are bad people nor does it mean that we should put our tail between our legs so to speak and say ‘I can’t do this’ and go back to how we were – smoking and bemoaning our lot in life – as if we give up trying to give up then nic’s won and I don’t know about anyone else but I don’t want him to win in any way, shape or form.

Life has never been easy but there are some who say that life is easier now than it was 50 years ago and I defy anyone of or over a certain age, to say that they have never thought or said “kids today don’t know they are born”. Life is what you make it that is the adage I was brought up with. According to my parents, you make your own luck in life whether it be good or bad so if your life ‘sucks’ then it’s possibly/probably your own fault. Now I know that not everyone will agree with that and to a certain extent whilst I do, I also don’t, hopefully you will get where I’m I’m coming from (and no it’s not another planet that I’m on, well I don’t think I am anyway!).

Life is full of choices – we can choose not to smoke or choose to smoke – we are our own self and what decisions we make we live with. I chose to stop smoking, me and me alone, no one told me I had to, no one twisted my arm up my back and said you must stop, I and I alone made the decision. By making this choice, I have met some absolutely superb people and whether I succeed or not in my quest to stop, with the best will in the world, these people cannot stop for me, it is actually down to me, just little old me! I hasten to add though that the understanding, help, back up, fun and laughter provided by these wonderful folk is not only an incredible incentive, it is a positive help and certainly boosts my confidence and moral and yes, I know (positive thinking and/or vibes) that this time I will be the victor!

In my own personal opinion, I do also think that it is partly a mind thing which is why I tend to say I am stopping smoking and not say I am attempting to stop as I do think that statement is a tad self-defeating – like the battle is already lost before it’s started. Now I know that whilst some may agree there are those that will disagree vehemently with what I have just said but whether you agree or disagree we are all agreed that we want to stop aren’t we? So whether I am right or you are right doesn’t really matter, what matters is that together we are so much stronger and that gives us a helluva lot better chance of winning the battle!

Onwards and upwards people – let nic throw his best (or should that be worst?) at us – don’t know which phrase is right but it doesn’t really matter as what is important is that together we are strong so together we can and will win!!

Thanks for your time all!

Take care,

Buttons52.

14 Replies
jillygirl profile image
jillygirlAdministratorQueen Bee

Wow Buttons ! that was a story and a half, but interesting. Did you ever read my story I tagged it under jillys story. I thought that was long , but you beat me. :P

Mind over matter that's what we need. :)

in reply tojillygirl

Thanks for staying to the very end! My problem is, if you haven't already guessed, is once I start I don't know when to stop!!

Buttons

jillygirl profile image
jillygirlAdministratorQueen Bee in reply to

Got you a pressie for easter. (only joking!)

dreamstime.com/lollipop-lad...

:D :)

in reply tojillygirl

Absolutely ace! But I think for it to work she will have to hit me over the head with her stick and very bl***y hard too!

Thanks jillygirl - how did you know that I've always wanted one?!

simba196 profile image
simba19618 Months Winner

You are right Buttons, we need the support of each other to beat this drug. If I hadn't found the site I wouldn't have managed one day, I have tried too many times and failed but knowing that you, Jillygirl, Sue52, Madiman, Monky, JohnUK and all the others are there to help is a big thing and I don't want to let them down. We are in fact drug addicts and it is as hard to give up cigs as any other drug but a lot of people do not understand this, particularly if they have never smoked. They just say you can give up it is all in the mind, they are right it is in the mind, but something which takes over the mind to the extent that it is all you think about when trying to stop. Let's all keep going to beat this thing and we can with each others help. Positive vibes and keep smiling. Sue cx

in reply tosimba196

Thanks Sue - we are all in this together - united we stand divided we will fall - and you are so right I don't want to let the others down either. To not be on our own doing this means a lot - staying strong not only for ourselves but for each other is the way to go. We can do this, in fact, think positive - WE ARE DOING THIS ALREADY!

We will NOT be defeated!

Still smiling and hopefully you are too!

Take care

Butts

jillygirl profile image
jillygirlAdministratorQueen Bee

ok folks signing off now as got company. Enjoy your evening. xx :)

sue52 profile image
sue523 YEAR WINNER

Have a great night Jillygirl :) xx

Slimdusty profile image
Slimdusty

Wowzers Buttons 52....epic read, but I enjoyed it. I have posted on here before re stopping, and then haven't stopped at all....

I want to for heath reasons, but am so scared I won't be able to cope without fags.

My hubby smokes, and when I say we should try to give up again he just laughs, saying what's the point as I will only start again.

No one knows I smoke, I would only smoke in front of others on a night out....

So apart from this forum...I have no venting space.

Enough rambling....HAPPY EASTER X X

in reply toSlimdusty

Hello Slimdusty and nice to meet you. Thanks for not only reading but also for letting me know that you enjoyed my 'little' piece. Forgive me for saying but is there a little bit of a 'help me' in your comment? I am thinking that you've been on this site before and perhaps thought about or actually given up but started again. You are definitely in the right place, I've only been a member about 4 weeks (times flies so am not really certain but it's about that plus or minus a few days) but the help and support I've received is absolutely fantastic and make what seems impossible, possible if you see what I mean. I gave up for health reasons (as have other members)and as a smoker of 40+ years and well over 35/40 a day, I can understand (as can the others) why you think you can't cope without that crutch called a 'fag or cig'. I know it's very hard to believe, but you can - never thought I would be able to but so far, have managed it with the help of those on here. We're all at different stages of the stopping process, today I'm on day 21 whereas some have been stopped for anything between 1 day and over 365 days so we share our experiences - the highs and the lows - and help each other. Whilst we laugh and chat we do do the serious business of helping one another to stop - the help and support I have received is second to none and without it I would still be smoking I am certain of that fact. I can understand that you think it will be more difficult as your husband smokes but believe me my other half smokes and I find it is the best incentive as I think to myself 'up yours - I can do this even if you can't!'. If no one knows that you smoke, then you must go quite a while sometimes without a cigarette and if so, extend the time between cigs by telling yourself that you've got company with you that is not aware that you are a smoker.

From my own personal experience, you will know when the time is right for you to quit - the day you choose will just feel 'comfortable and err right'. I made the mistake originally of trying to stop on a weekend which for me was doomed to failure before the day even arrived! I then said both to myself and on this site that I had smoked my last cig on Sunday night, 10th March and since that day and time (8.50 pm) I have not had one! I am proud of myself as I have done this without NRT of any description, e cigs or any other stop smoking aid but don't get me wrong, the first 3/4 days were horrible but thanks to everyone on here, I got through and came out the other side. I know that there are times when I still want one but so far I have managed not to given in and hopefully that will continue.

Using this site as your 'venting space', join in the daily chat, write your own blog all this will help take your mind off nic and his cigs (daft as it sounds all the while I write on here, going for a cig never enters my head!) - join us on here any time and from any device (I think I'm right in that, hope so anyway!) you'll always be welcome.

You didn't put your comment down for me to write so much back to you so will stop now but do hope you stay with us, I promise it won't be boring!!

in reply toSlimdusty

Hi

Just wanted to check that I haven't upset you or caused you any offence by putting my size 6's where they shouldn't oughta be.

Take care

Buttons52

tomc profile image
tomcLONG TERM WINNER

Happy Easter everyone!!.

WOW Buttons52, Have you thought of writing a book, you could make a mint good reading tho.

Have a great Easter holiday.

Tom.

in reply totomc

Hello Tom

You're the second person to say Ishould right a book - can't make up my mind whether both of you are serious or perhaps your thinking that if I do write a book I won't have time to put anything on here! Whichever it may be just glad that some have read it and seem to have enjoyed it.

Daft as it sounds, writing these does really help me.

You have a nice Easter too and take care

Buttons52

tomc profile image
tomcLONG TERM WINNER

Not Kidding.

No don't want you to be so busy writing your I DONT SMOKE HERES HOE I QUIT memoirs but when you think about it,.....a lot of celebrities have written books on how they went from 22 stone bulldozers to skinny malinkys with this diet plan.

Seems a great opertunity for you there!!.

We all enjoy your posts, great bedtime reading.

Tom.

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