Disgusted with myself and feeling Guilty!!!!

Ok, now where do I start............. I suppose the beginning is a good start! I went to a stop smoking group after being advised by my doctor to stop smoking. This was at the end of January I am presently taking champix, my stop date was 9th February. My husband said if I managed to stop he would let me change my car - I thought Fab!!!! I was doing really well after 8 weeks - then suddenly had a bad day at work (forgot to say I kept an unopened packet in my kitchen cupboard) well, after my bad day - yes I had one, it made me feel dizzy, light headed, horrid taste in my mouth - but I smoked it all. Then thought never again it was disgusting. But hey ho that didn't turn out, I am probably smoking 1 a week now and feeling disgusted with myself and so guilty as I now have my new car and haven't told my husband about my occasional lapses!

God reading this - its all over the place - a bit like my mind at the moment!!

13 Replies

oldestnewest
  • Hey loopyl, first of all let me welcome you to our lovely online stop smoking community. You've come to the right place to get all the support you need to get you back in track again :-)

    Stopping smoking can be quite easy, however it's the staying stopped that can be quite difficult - as you've already found out.

    Sticking with the positive, you managed to go for as long as you did, 8 weeks - which is fantastic, it really is :-) We should have no problem getting you back to a complete smoke free lifestyle again if you are prepared to crack on...

    Thinking about where it went wrong for you, you have to learn from that experience and put a strategy in place and be ready, should it happen again.

    So a couple of questions for you to consider;

    If you are likely to have the same kind of 'bad day at the office' again, what can or would you do differently next time?

    Do you think in anyway that smoking changed the situation?

    Did it make you feel any better?

    Is there a particular time and place each week that you have this weekly sneaky cigarette?

    Are you enjoying it very much?

    Have you finished your full course of Champix now?

    If it wasn't for your Dr or Hubby advsing and wanting you to stop, would you still consider giving up smoking?

    The longer that you go without smoking and then should you relapse, it is quite normal for it to taste awful and make you feel the way it did. Unfortunately, should you carry on, then it won't be long before the chemicals within the cigarettes start to mask the bad taste etc as they will start to coat your tongue, the cilia (hairs in your nose and throat) and you will lose the ability to taste all over again. Thus blocking out the damage that is being done and making smoking seem easier :-(

    Once I know how you feel about the above, then we can get you to head towards giving this last cigarette up.

    Remembering to stay positive will help big time. Think of all the ones that you haven't smoked... :-)

    Let us help you to help yourself :-)

  • Hi Loopyl, i'm Pete one of the quit smokers on this site, ''hopefully'' as in so far so good. Your saying you are taking champix, i'm sorry but havent tried that, buttttttt i know a young Lady that will know all about it and that is ''Emjay''.

    For a start dont you ever feel discusted with yourself, you have done marvelous gal, cheer yourself for getting this farrrr, one thing i have learnt is to get rid of any ciggies, so there is no temptation, sooooo either chop them up or give them to your husband, and come clean with him, then at least it will not be on your mind, erm does that make sense!!!!

    May i ask when you get the urge to have a ciggie, is it the same time each week? or something you do?????

    I tell you LoopyL this is a great site to come to for help, everybody on here are in the same boat as you and me, we are all at different levels of quitting, and have different ways of doing it, and like i say there is ''Emjay'' who helps us all, and she is ''MAGIC'' gal.

    Please keep in touch and let us know how you are going!!!!

    Pete :)

  • Hiya Loopyl, Andi here and welcome to this great "family" (my lifeline on my very short journey so far). You've come to the right place - I'm sure Emjay can get you back on the right track and try not to beat yourself up about it too much - so - 1 or 2 - you were just making sure they tasted like .... nasty things...... no weren't you? Try to put it behind you and like Scarlet O'Hara always said "Tomorrow's another day"!

    GOOD LUCK!

  • Hi Loopyl like Pete said don't be disgusted at youself you did well, this is not easy to do on your own so stick with all the brilliant people on here and you'll do this, there all brilliant and friendly, just take a deep breath and start again and let us know how your doing, ((hugs)) x

  • Thank you for all your comments, EmJay, I really wanted to quit smoking myself, I sat one day and wrote down all the reasons why I smoked and then the reasons why I wanted to stop - I can tell you now I had 1 reason why I smoked which was addicted but the list for wanting to stop seemed endless!! When my doctor advised me to stop it was the final push that I needed!

    I have to say I'm angry with myself, the only person I have let down is me! There is no one thing that triggers the craving, I have to work and people have bad days - turning to the fags is not the answer, doesn't make me feel any better - if anything makes me feel worse. I hate the taste it leaves, I just have no answer as to why I have these odd ones - and really want to stop. I know it will lead to the long slippery road - and know I have to stop!!

    I'm still on the course of Champix, those cigs in the kitchen are in the black bin liner outside my house, ready for the dustmen to take in the morning. I will do this - for me!

    It's certainly not easy and I can't believe how much I think about them - it seems to be on my mind 24/7 - but I will do it !!!

  • Hi, have you read the Allen Carr "STOP SMOKING NOW" book? I gave up myself 14 days ago cold turkey (as such), I have had no desire or want to smoke another cigarette since. I bought this book last Friday for my partner, as I want her to give up also. However out of curiousity I read the book myself over the weekend. I must say Its very good the way it opens your mind up to what cigarettes really are! Reading your comments, I think if you read the book, that sneaky cigarette would be a thing of the past.

  • Do you know what loopyl?... The fantastic news following your comments is that your goal can be achieved, even more so as it's something that you really want to happen.

    A lot of people who 'must' quit, say for example because their GP has (quite rightly so) told them to, will either struggle to quit or will always 'miss' smoking because it's not something that they ever feel that they want to stop. The fact that you want to stop puts you further along the quitting process than ever.

    Great move, putting your cigarettes in the bin :-)

    The sooner you stop again, the better Champix will work for you, just make sure you are taking them regularly and as prescribed.

    You've not let yourself down, you've just discovered another way of combatting a challenge should it come round again :-)

    Try not to give yourself too much of a hard time, as I said earlier - think of all the cigarettes that you haven't smoked and maybe tot up the money you've saved so far :-)

    As you can see, everyone is here to support you (and each other) through this roller coaster of a ride... The fact that it is on your mind so much just shows how the psychological addiction can grab you... Just go with the flow but don't give in!

    Nobody said it would be easy, however - everybody says that it is worth it :-)

  • Hey dont beat yourself up! You have done really well! Just like a "slimmer" has relapses - get yourself right back on track and we are all here to help you! Good idea ditching the ones around the house - I had a problem like yours lately and I was shaking my hands up and down as I felt i REALLY wanted a cigarette and then I said to myself "what differencer will it makes to the situation" and when I thought about it the answer was Nothing! But the difference is made to my health was an amazing result! Dont give in we are all here to help you!

  • Loopyl don,t feel guilty because you,ve had the odd ciggy, so what ,its not the end of the world. Guilt is just a word, don,t put yourself down and dwell on it to much as I feel you will end up smoking more. If you have the odd one now and again isn,t that better that smoking a packet each day? I have a Friend who smoked 40 per day and tried many time,s with different Nicotine replacement gadgets but never managed to do it, she came to an agreement with her inner self that she could have 3 ciggys a day, this worked for her and thats all she needs. Its not as good as stopping but its ok for her, were all different and we deal with things in our own way. If you want to stop then you will in your own time, not because your Doc. or Husband wants you do, it has to come from you.

    Take care

    Mad

  • Hi, have you read the Allen Carr "STOP SMOKING NOW" book? I gave up myself 14 days ago cold turkey (as such), I have had no desire or want to smoke another cigarette since. I bought this book last Friday for my partner, as I want her to give up also. However out of curiousity I read the book myself over the weekend. I must say Its very good the way it opens your mind up to what cigarettes really are! Reading your comments, I think if you read the book, that sneaky cigarette would be a thing of the past.

  • This is a really good book to read Darren and helps you to look at smoking from another angle. If anything it also keeps you bust for a few hours too :-) It's really easy to read too.

  • hi loopy

    hope youre feeling ok ? , don't be hard on yourself I did this ealier this week after 6 days of quitting , I stupidly lit up a cigarette due to feeling totally overwhelmed with a situation ! I haven't been 'told as such to give up smoking , but have a sinus condition which has been going on for years , and suddenly isn't getting better at all . its been going on about 6 weeks . I cut down , to about 4/5 a day if that really , is an attempt to stop , and finally did it just over a week ago (though there were some days when I didn't smoke at all cos I felt so ill anyway ) , then I was stupid !! , still ,I'm back to smoke free and into my 50th hour again , though still finding it hard to do . I'm so lonely after lots of rotten life changes have left me this way , and smoking I guess was like a friend , tho .monky , I have read that friend or foe post on the pinned posts bit , and it is sooo true ..

    Stick with all the wonderful people on here loopy , we will make it through ,

    sending much love and hugs !

  • Hey loopy😊

    Most of us get back on track after a slip 👍🏻 Forget the guilt and shame. It's all part of the course🌺🌼🌸☀️🌻🌷🌹

You may also like...