Totally down on myself

I have had a lot of bad stuff happening this week and was taken over the edge totally on Tuesday. This ended up with me reaching out for my normal crutch.

Firstly on Tuesday morning I found out that my step - grandad had passed away in his bed on Friday (wasn't found until Monday evening). Then yesterday was the 9th anniversary of the last time I had physical contact with my youngest 2 children ( now 13 and 12).

After smoking 20 fags over 2 days I feel both disgusted in myself and very down in the dumps. I was doing soooo well too at 5 months quit but back on the wagon again now I hope!!

Monky remove my badge if you want to!! I'm pretty much passed caring atm.

21 Replies

  • Hi Winney, so very sorry to hear about your bereavement and understandably upset over your 2 children.

    The thing is your not a loser you have had the guts to be open with us all. So its onwards and upwards. You may not be better off having your smokes but your no worse off either, just take it a day at a time. I shall have a chat to Monky about your badge so dont worry. :)

  • Thanks for your kind words jillygirl. I have been honest as I know that I need some support (don't get that at home ) and I needed to vent

  • winnie we are all here to support you in any which way that we can :) :)

  • Aww Winnietyson, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your step-granddad on top of the anniversary of physical contact with you kids These are both huge and i cant even begin to understand what you must be feeling at the moment. Being Christmas time too would not help.

    Dont beat yourself up about resorting to your old crutch..Like you are back on the wagon again :) :) :) :) so good on you for that.

    When your feeling a little brighter, try and reflect back to the triggers and see what strategies you can put in place to try and manage the triggers.

  • Aw Winny you have had to cope with so much at once and understandably had a bit of a blip but that's all it was and you have great courage to jump back on your quit :)

    I think that says a lot about you so well done :)

    Please come on here and we will be happy to help you, we never judge and all want to help one another, that's what's so good about this site :)

    It helps to share your problems, it really does :)

    Sending you good vibes to help you over this difficult time, hang in there hun :) :) x x

  • Hi winnietyson Do not beat your self up about it starting smoking again. I am happy your back on the wagon again. Sorry to hear about your step - grandad as well :(. And your kids as well :(. Keep you chin up. And if you feel like you going to smoke again please come on here and we will try to help you not to smoke again :D xxx

  • Hey Winnie, what a rough & rotten week you have had hun, not sure how I would have handled it if it had been me :(

    You have just had a little blip (we have all been there) but you know you can always come on here and vent to us. We are like an extra family member who wont get the hump & we will give as much support as we can :)

    Get back on it as soon as possible and in the meantime stay close to us hun :) -x-

  • I am on it and back using my e cig (albeit with higher strength liquid than that of late!!)

  • Well that is just fandabidosie hun, I am delighted that you have got back on that ecig sooooo quickly :D

  • Yeah the plus side of relying on benefits. I couldn't afford any more but I have a cupboard full of e liquid!!

    Problem solved plus tbh the e liquid does taste a lot better!!

  • well just you take a copy of your last post so that if you ever ever get tempted again, you can re read it and remember that cigs taste disgusting.... :O

  • Hi ya Winnie :)

    Am so sorry to hear of your bad news gal :( no wander you went back to the fags :( I too, have had a similar experience on one of my quit attempts, but I smoked for about 2 weeks :P :( so I know something about what your going through :) Please dont beat yourself up over it, you just look to the future and get yourself focused again on that great quit you had going there :)

    Winnie, I just couldnt take that badge off you gal, even if I tried :o so, Jillygirl and I have decided to leave it be, with it being Christmas tooo :) :) We both know how hard you've worked for it :)

    Rite Winnie, how can we make sure this dosnt happen again :o Sit yourself down and try to think WHY you chose the fags to help you :o lets try to think of an action plan, so if it happens again, you've got some backup plan to help you :) Winnie, your using the e-cig arnt you :o sooooo, perhaps buy a bit stronger e-liquid and put it away somewhere for emergencies :) So when you get stressed out again, put some stronger e-liquid into you e-cig and get a bigger kick up your backside seeee :) :D :D

    That mr nic, knows exactly when to pounce on you :o and he does, fast and hard :( Please just remember that Winnie, cos if your not prepared, then he wins :P :(

    Thank you for being so honest with us all Winnie, you are one hell of a young Lady :) :) xx

  • Awww bless you Monky. You have managed to put a smile on my face for the first time in days!! (But then your quirky sense of humour always does that! ). Maybe a backup plan for me could just be to send you a private message to tap into your humour for a while??

    I do have several different strengths of e liquid but on the spur of the moment with cash in the bank I made the wrong choice!!!

    Once again thank you very much for your wonderfully kind words I really appreciate them

  • Hey Winnie, you can PM me any time you want gal :)

    Hmmmmm, as for you having cash in the bank, then spend it gal :) ermmm, you got my Christmas pressie yet :o :D :D

  • I did spend it! ! But on the stinkies! No cash left now hence back to the e cigs rather quickly! !

  • Sooooo, next time you have a bit of cash in your bank, gooooo and flippin spend it on something really nice for yourself :) :) even if its fish-n-chips :D :D :D

  • Winnie, ave got to go now gal, cos got to be up early tamoz :( so i will send you loadsa sweet dreaming, cuddly, no stinkies ever again huggs

  • hey winnie,

    this might help ya smile too :) :)

  • Awwww glolin that's beautiful and so very very true too!!! Thanks

  • Hi winnietyson, I hope today sees a bit of a brighter day for you. Every sngle one of us is here to support you in every way we can, even if it's just a virtual hug so take your time, heal and see what a new day brings x

  • Well said lily, in total agreement with you there :) :) x

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