I made the conscious choice to quit smoking on Jan 1rst not as a resolution but just because i am getting older and my rememberer isn't what it used to be so the first seemed like the logical choice.
I did the first week with the step one of the patch which was a hell in itself LOL because of the crazy dreams but then it was a mind game as well because i was thinking i really was going to give it a good effort to quit this will be my second serious attempt at quitting and I have been smoking for the better part of 35 yrs aprox a pack a day,but with the patch i was still putting nicotine in my system,so the second week i cut the patch in half for two days and now I am 12 days without any aid.
Some days are better than others,at work I avoid breaks with my smoking friends,but at home my partner smokes,he tries to be considerate but i can still smell it and believe it or not it doesn't bother me.
I feel tired all the time but do think i am going crazy or something isn't quite right because I am not finding it difficult at all most days. Yesterday I really wanted to smoke so I took one from my partner and carried it with me all day right now it is sitting on my desk still not lit and looking a bit ragged from being held and then in my pocket i think the point here is I really wanted one and no one was denying me the choice to have one,the choice is totally mine to light it and start over because i know you can not just have one and think that's it,
Hopefully I will be a forever non smoker I just know I have to take it one day at a time.
It is like a constant battle with good and evil so far the good is winning.
Yesterday was an interesting day I was out with my sister to an event were you could smoke
and looking back at it today i am giggling at myself because I was looking at all the people older than me that were smoking and thinking just look at them they are smoking and they all seem fine why cant I haha just like a little kid i still had my smoke that my partner gave me but i did not light it, again another battle with good and evil and so far good is winning by a landslide.
My biggest issue is I do not feel any different good or bad?? I dont feel any change whatsoever and this is a danger area because somewhere in the back of my mind it is saying why bother quitting then,although the logical side knows there has to be some improvement hmmmm