Rough times

[Ickytoots1]

Not rough the quit not rough in my resolve but in my home my partner smoker probably will never quit I'm totally fine with it but my daughter is giving him serious guilt trips to the point she is telling him he doesn't stay hear why does he smoke hear. I'm starting to feel piggy in middle if I hadn't quit they too would have less arguing!! My guy is great to my daughter who.s father is no use! . And he said he doesn't drink or do hard drugs , she shouldn't be allowed to talk to him like that. I see it from both sides but it's bringing me right down help?xx

[glolin LONG TERM WINNER]

it sounds to me like your daughter needs a little tough love. I would certainly not be tolerating my daughter to speak to my partner like that. Often when there is a step-dad involved, kids can be so unkind.

Trying taking her out and having a mother and daughter day. Explain how much happiness your partner has brought into your life and that it sadden you to see the way she speaks to him. Try and identify is she has a problem with him and just using the smoking as an excuse to make him feel bad.

Tell her you don't like being put in the positions of having to take sides as you love both of them dearly.

Not sure how old your daughter is, but i gather she is teenage which can be a tough time for them. Does she feel jealous of your relationship with your partner and not her dad...

Basically what i am trying to say is try and find out the reason why..is she is just being a rat...tough love is what you need.

Good luck....

[willdo in reply to glolin]

Agree with glolin, in that is not up to her to 'verbally attack' partner like that. Also, even though we know any smoke isn't good for her...(or anyone), explain to her that he isn't ready to let go of that bad habit, and although you will help and support him when and if he is ready, SHE wouldn't appreciate being 'brow beaten' into a behavior. If he is kind to her, she needs to be kind back.

Perhaps a specific 'off-limits' smoking area for him, which I am sure he is probably adult enough to agree, makes a great 'neutral zone'. He may not need to be blowing smoke in everyone's face, or filling up a room with his smoke, but there may be either one room, or patio where he can comfortably smoke, and she can back off.

It might be a good time to give a gentle 'tough-love' type lesson in the style of..you may not treat my guests that way, nor will I be breaking up with him in the near or distant future. He is here to stay, is someone I care about, just like you, and I will not allow you to decide adult matters for me.

However, because I love you, I will speak to him and see if we can decide on a smoking area that HE and I will be happy with, to accommodate your feelings, too.

[Ickytoots1 9yearsSmokefree in reply to glolin]

My daughter is 11 acts like adult xx

[jaglan 22 Months Winner]

Hey Icky!!! I totally agree with the others here. Kids can be very manipulative and any chink in your armour WILL BE USED to their advantage. I would deffo ask bf to smoke outside which shows little princess respect but I would equally put a very large line that princess does not cross. Difficult I know!! Been there done that my partner has bruises to prove it(not from me!!) mental ones not verbal!!! Xxx

[Briarwood Administrator Ducky]

Your house, your rules hun😊

You have to be in charge and although it's difficult, put your foot down. Good luck, hope things get a bit easier for you all💐

[Hidden]

Oh boy..... Your daughter is protecting you..... She wants to see you succeed ..... She loves her mum...... Can your partner go outside and smoke?????

All the best xx

[Hidden]

My daughter has always tried to interfere in my relationships with men.. Same situation as yours, with her dad being no use. Be strong. Be firm.. Tell her that her behavior is unacceptable and that while you understand why she may be upset, that she still needs to have respect. For you and for your guy.

Good luck!!