After Fridays blip I'm back on that horse. Thank you everyone . You know what? I feel stronger. The blip made me realise just how much I wanted this . After years of ambivalence I gave up for an event ( my daughters wedding) which has now passed - and with it some of my determination. I kept going because i had already gone so long without a cig that it seemed a shame not to .....
But now - now I know how i would feel if I really slipped ,and I dont want to go there . Some of you have posted about waiting for that extra energy - to look and feel younger - and wondering when it was all going to happen. Me too. Till the blip.
Then I remembered how I used to feel - and how once or twice lately I have been surprised by not feeling so tired , how my skin does look better and how I dont have to worry about my grandaughters finding cigarettes in my handbag or in a drawer, how i can drink without getting a horrible hangover - and dont have to sneak outside in the rain and snow for a fag so dont miss any of the gossip. How I dont feel guilty and stupid and wake every morning with a sore throat and tight chest.
Now I really really want it - not for my daughters wedding , not for anyone elae . For me. And you lot.
Thank you again , thank you all.