Her: Wanna go to the Llama farm?

Me: Alpaca bag

.

I swallowed a padlock...

I'm now undergoing keyhole surgery...

.

What do you call a Christmas wreath made with $100 bills?

Aretha Franklins.

.

.I have a chronic fear of escalators. I am beginning to take steps to avoid them.

I asked my mate to spell "won ton" backwards.

He said: "not now" .

What do you call a woman standing in the middle of a tennis court?

Annette!.

.

.

.People claimed to hear the sound of Mozart's music playing backwards from his grave.

Apparently he was decomposing.

.

.I got a phone call today and the caller said,

"I understand from your ad that you are selling a Python, is it big?"

"Sure is," I replied.

"Great!" he said with huge enthusiasm,

"how many feet?"

"None," I replied, "it's a snake.".

.

.

I named my dog Ten Miles. Now, I tell everyone I always walk Ten Miles every day...

.

.

.A Middle Eastern king who was down on his luck decided to pawn some of his valuables. One of these items was The Star of Euphrates, which at the time the most valuable gem in the world. He took it to a pawn broker who offered the king 100,000 Rials for the gem. The king said, "Are you insane? I paid more than a million Rials for this rare and precious gemstone! Don't you know who I am?" The pawnbroker looked at the king and said...."When you wish to pawn a star....makes no difference who you are!"

.

.

I can't wait to walk down the aisle again someday..

And hear those magical words....

"This is your pilot speaking".

.

.

How times have changed!

Today I overheard a child singing:

"he's making a list, chicken and rice"

🙉

.

I have a tremendous fear of giants

Its called feefiphobia.

😊