Hi, my name is Denise and I am an addict”
How on earth had it got to this point!
I am sitting in Stepping Stones addiction centre and it is the 23rd December 2018. I am going to spend Christmas in a psych facility with people I have never met before. It would be funny if not for the fact that I am feeling so appalling ill and had to take an Ativan to get on the plane to get to the facility.
I have had to introduce myself to the group of strangers in a group meeting as an addict. Thank God no one is judging me here!
I know I am not an addict. I am a prisoner of a very potent drug which my Doctor prescribed for me for sleep and I took it exactly as prescribed.
I hate this drug and what it has done to me and my family and I certainly have no craving for it. I am taking this drug so that I will not be deathly ill when I stop it, and that seems impossible.The drug is called Olexar or better known as Zyprexa in the US.
In total desperation, my family and I decided that this was the best place for me, as I was an emotional crying wreck and they no longer knew how to help me. Hell, I didn’t know how to help myself any longer! I just knew that something was terribly wrong with me mentally and it was beyond my control. I needed help!
Let’s backtrack three years ago to when my situation started.
In about July of 2015, I suddenly developed a severe nerve pain in my right shoulder and my ring and pinkie fingers were twitching uncontrollably. The pain was intense enough to have me in tears on many days, so as soon as I could I went to see my GP who referred me to a Neurosurgeon in Port Elizabeth.
Happily, I went off the see the Neurosurgeon to discuss options. He immediately put me on Tramacet as he could see I was in excruciating pain, while he ordered an MRI scan. The scan came back showing that I had a slight nerve compression between my C5 C6 vertebrae an that it would have to be fused.”Great” I said, “Let’s book the op and while you are there, could you also remove my tonsils at the same time”. The operation was booked for December 2015 and I couldn’t wait for it to be over and get back to normal. I was a highly functional, successful Estate Agent at the time.
This was my first introduction to Opioid painkillers and I didn’t know or care what they were, as the pain was so severe and unrelenting.
My previous experience with painkillers was paracetamol for a headache or an anti-inflammatory for severe toothache. I had no knowledge of the dark side of painkillers, especially for chronic pain.
I had the operation in December 2015 and I remember coming around after the op feeling great with absolutely no pain, the joy! Of course, I didn’t realise that I was still on Morpheine.
As the Morpheine wore off however, I felt the pain still in my right shoulder. I went home after 4 days with a prescription for Targinact (another Opioid painkiller) which made me feel so good that I was back at work week one with a full hard neck brace on.
I decided that I was feeling a little bit too good after going through such a big operation, so I gave the Targinact back to my GP and re-started on the Tramacet for pain.
After a few weeks of healing, I realised that I still had the same pain in my shoulder and arm with twitching fingers and I was still taking Tramacet for the pain.
At this point, I remember going to see my Pyschiatrist to consult about pain medication options. She firmly instructed me to get off all Opioid pain medication immediately as it should only be taken for 5 days and then off. She said if I couldn’t get off them myself then it was off to hospital to get taken off. I got such a fright that I stopped them immediately and she put me on a pill called Gabapentin which works on the nerve pain through the Central Nervous System. It is actually an anti seizure drug. I started the Gabapentin and just felt that I was not with the program. It made me feel slow and stupid, as I couldn’t remember words but I was off the Tramacet.
I never thought the day would come that I had my very own Physciatrist. She had treated me 5 years ago for a bout of anxiety attacks and depression which had started when I had come off half of a Paxil which I had been taking for 17 years for anxiety attacks. It had been prescribed by my GP after my hysterectomy at age 33.
It worked like a bomb until I decided to stop it cold turkey as I thought I didn’t need it anymore . What a mistake, the withdrawal symptoms hit me like a tornado. I was a mess. (Warning. Do not ever stop any medication unless you have cleared it with your Doctor).This episode ended up with me on two anti depressants and a sleeping pill before I stabilised.
Now, I am in severe nerve pain and taking Gabapentin for the pain. My short term memory is shot and my kids keep telling me that I am repeating myself a lot. I didn’t feel as if I was on my “A” game at work and was battling with concentration problems at work. I was scattered and disorganised. I was a dumbed down version of myself and I had extreme brain fog. Everything was like wading through thick mud to achieve anything.My cognitive function was terrible. I used to be so sharp and a real “people’s person”.
Where had I gone? I also stopped driving at this time, as I really believed I was not
aware enough to drive.
I was still preserving at work but between the pain and the painkillers, I was pretty much non productive and scatterbrained.
Then, in May 2016 I decided to consult with an Orthopaedic Surgeon in Port Elizabeth to check out my shoulder. He ordered an MRI and decided it was a Rotator Cuff year and he would need to operate. We agreed to go ahead and I even asked him not to give me Opioids after the op as my Physciatrist had advised against them. He looked at me and said I would be having Opioids as it was a very painful operation.
He sure was correct about that! The worst pain I had ever known and it lasted for months. So now I am back on Tramacet along with the Gabapentin and am not feeling good.
I was hoping this would do the trick, but alas, after 6 months of pain and rehabilitation, the pain in the shoulder was still there.
After this operation, which was 6 months after my first one, I no longer went to work as between the pain and the painkillers, I was pretty non-functional.I hated the way the painkillers made me feel and never abused them . If anything, I always was extra cautious with them, but I had to manage the pain somehow.
So now I am living in limbo, still on Tramacet and Gabapentin to manage the pain but unable to work because of the side effects.
I never gave up and decided to look for a second opinion in Cape Town from an Orthopaedic Doctor in Cape Town whom I had heard about.
My husband and I flew down and the Doctor ordered another MRI. He advised us that he could see a small Osteophyte pushing on my C5/C6 nerve in my neck.
By this time I am exhausted from the pain and the painkillers and so we agreed to go ahead with the operation. This time he took a piece of bone from my hip and re-fused the C5/C6 vertebrae.
I recovered in Cape Town again on Targinact Opioid painkillers.This was in 2017.
6 weeks recovery at home and I am feeling OK, so I decided the time was right to get off all the painkillers.
I phoned my Physciatrist and told her, so she said to come into hospital to do it as there was a risk of having a seizure.
I went in for two nights and she put me on Epleptin ( Gabapentin) again to avoid a seizure.
I slept like a baby and had no withdrawal symptoms, so on the third day I went home. That night I slept well and on the fourth night I did not sleep at all and thereafter followed 5 weeks of TOTAL INSOMNIA. I mean I didn’t sleep even 5 minutes at night even though I was on a sleeping pill. It was as if my brain was totally wired up. I wasn’t even tired. I just could not sleep a wink. This had never happened to me before. I was always a great sleeper. After 5 weeks of this, I was not anxious or depressed but I did wonder how long my body could go without sleep to sustain it.
Back to the Physciatrist!
Little did I know the nightmare was about to get worse!
I like my Physciatrist and like that she listens to me and is not overbearing.
I told her about the insomnia and the length of time it had gone on for and she prescribed a drug called Olexar(Olanzapine) or Zyprexa as it is known in the US.
I had never heard of the drug but I trusted her to do what was right for me. So in July 2018 I took Olexar for the first time.
This was after nearly two years of pain, 3 major operations in 18 months and now insomnia. Nearly two years of heavy painkillers on and off.
I took the Olexar 10mg at night and slept like a baby. Sleep, blissful sleep arrived and I thought all was good.
A few weeks later, I noticed I could not get up in the morning before 9 am and I had severe upper abdominal pain. I was taking a lot of anti spasm medication to relieve it. I was severely bloated and I had an uncontrollable craving to eat chocolate. Lots of chocolate. I began to feel like a zombie, almost like I had had a chemical lobotomy. I have never felt so disconnected from myself and others. I had no motivation to go back to work or do much of anything.
Because of the severe abdominal pain, which would literally double me over, I began to start a slow taper off the Olexar in mid September. I cut it down by a quarter weekly and re-introduced my sleeping pill slowly at the same time.
I experienced a lot of night sweating and felt very shaky, but I managed over 4 weeks to get off it and still sleep. I thought the worst was over and I was so excited to be off it. I began to feel like my normal self!
I was not so lucky. About a week after I stopped the drug completely, I started getting excruciating headaches in my frontal lobe. I had severe nausea, appetite loss, chills, confusion, anxiety, depression, dizziness and generally feeling appalling sick. It went on to weight loss, uncontrollable crying and then suicidal ideation. Where had that come from?
I ignored all the withdrawal symptoms and managed to push through them for a month. During this time I never left the house as I was too ill.
Eventually, I was hanging on by my fingertips and was non functional. I couldn’t read a book or watch a movie. I was in a living hell and that’s when I knew it was withdrawal from the Olexar.
I re- instated at 2.5 mgs instead of the 10 I had been taking. Wow! The relief. All the symptoms were gone as if it had never happened. What the hell was in this drug??
Up to this point I had avoided googling the drug so that I could give it a fair try.
I now discover that it is a potent anti-psychotic drug with a heavy withdrawal syndrome. I was horrified as I had most of the symptoms listed.
Here is a list from Mental Health Daily of Olexar/ Zyprexa withdrawal possibilities.
APPETITE CHANGES
BI POLAR SYMPTOMS
CONCENTRATION PROBLEMS
CONFUSION
CRYING SPELLS
DEPERSONALISATION
DIARRHOEA
DIZZINESS
FATIQUE
HALLUCINATIONS
HEADACHES
INSOMNIA
IRRITABILITY
MEMORY PROBLEMS
MOOD SWINGS
MUSCLE CRAMPS
NAUSEA
PANIC ATTACKS
PHYCHOSIS
RESTLESSNESS
SUICIDAL THINKING
SWEATING
VOMITING
WEIGHTLOSS
It was like reading a list of all my symptoms and someone understanding what I was going through. I thought I was losing my mind and now I had discovered that there was a reason for it.I was so glad I was not alone in this! It was very difficult to even explain to my darling husband what I had been going through as I did not have the vocabulary to explain all the symptoms I was having. I just knew I was incredibly, desperately ill.
He was suffering just as much as me as he wanted to help and didn’t know what to do. He felt powerless.
Now, I am even more determined to get off this horrible drug. I started weaning myself down again from the 2.5mg until I was taking 0.8mgs or one third of a tiny pill.
I waited there for a while and when I felt strong enough I decided to stop taking it. On days one to four of stopping the drug completely, I would begin to feel very sick and my legs would shake uncontrollably, by day 5 , my mood would be very low and I would be anxious and irritable. By day six, I would be crying uncontrollably and have strong suicidal ideation.
Then I would panic about that and go back on the .8mgs at which I would be fine. I AM NOT SUICIDAL AT ALL but the thought would come from nowhere that my family would be better off without me. I was brought up a strict Catholic and strongly believe that suicide is a mortal sin. I love my family and my life more than anything. But now I could relate to people who are in such mental agony that they just want it to end.The suicidal ideation was almost like a desire to have a cigarette or a chocolate, except it was followed by horror and panic that my mind would even think such a thing. This was not me. I told everyone who would listen how I felt as I knew it was being caused by the drug. My family were terrified to leave me alone, even though I assured them that I would not do anything to myself. I clearly remember tears pouring down my face and thinking that this was inhuman and I wouldn’t let my dog suffer like this.
This went on for 4 times in total with me thinking I could get off this drug by myself through sheer perseverance.
I would go off the drug, suffer through horrific withdrawals, end up crying with suicidal ideation, panic and then re-start the drug and feel ok. It was impossible to get off this drug alone. I was too ill and too exhausted to try again.
That’s when my son came home in December and I could no longer hide how I felt. This was when I broke down crying to my son telling him that I was so sick from trying to stop taking the drug. I will never forget the tears in his eyes as he looked at his crying, broken Mother who had always been the strong one in the family.
I was a shell of my former self. I was in a serious crisis!
I needed professional help urgently.
The kids sprang into action looking for some rehabs, hospitals where I could go to over the Christmas period. They researched the drug and it’s discontinuation symptoms and that is how I ended up at Stepping Stones Clinic in December 23rd 2018.
I was terrified! I was also hopeful that they could help me get off this drug. Stepping Stones is fantastic for treating addiction to drugs like alcohol and illegal drugs and I met some really amazing people and learned some new life skills. Unfortunately for me, it was over the Christmas, New Year period, so there was a skeleton staff. Even so, I tried again in the safety of the clinic to go off the Olexar.
I lasted 6 days before I could no longer bear it because of the depression, crying and suicidal ideation. I remember on my sixth day waking up and my first thought in my head was “I will kill myself before I go back to my family like this”. I took the tiny piece of the drug and the next morning I was singing while showering. What the hell!
I stayed the 21 days at the Clinic and couldn’t wait to get home but I was still on 0.8 mgs of the drug.
It is a fact that the makers of Zyprexa (Olexar) in the US have been sued for billions of dollars as they knew that the drug causes weight gain and a strong connection to becoming diabetic and many other serious side effects.?This drug affects 17 sub receptors in the brain, so it follows that when you stop it, your poor brain needs to fix all these receptors so the body can come back to homeostasis. Hence all the withdrawal symptoms , as the brain tries to repair itself.
On returning home, I went to see my Pyschiatrist and explained my symptoms.
She immediately took me off the Olexar and said that this withdrawal effect I was having was serious enough to report it to the manufacturer of the drug.
She replaced it with another anti-psychotic called Dopaquel or Seroquel in the US.
She also said that she has never heard of anyone having these symptoms coming off Olexar but here I am and it is one quick google search to see the many, many others battling to get off this drug.
So now I am taking a new anti-physcotic to get off an old anti-physcotic even though I was never Physcotic to begin with. I just wanted some sleep. Go figure!
Olexar is used “off lable” by Doctors for chronic insomnia.
It is actually registered for use in Physcotic episodes and Schizophrenia. I can assure you that I never had either of these.
When I returned from the Clinic, I realised how angry I am that a drug has caused such devastation in my life. I lost my job, which I loved, I am virtually house bound and who knows how much more of this my poor husband and children can take. I am not the same person! It is very hard for the people around who are close to you to watch you in such distress. My poor kids worry about me all the time and I constantly live with the withdrawal symptoms, hoping each day that they will go away. It is draining spiritually and mentally.
Who is responsible for all the pain and suffering I am going through? Who is responsible for the fact that I can no longer work and bring in an income? What if I never recover from this? Who is responsible for all my Medical costs related to this nightmare?
When I phoned The Medical liaison of Cipla SA, who market the drug Olexar in SA, Doctor Serfontein very nicely explained to me that I will need lots of psychotherapy to get over come this and played down the withdrawals. After all who is going to listen to a mental patient.
I wonder why there is no black box warning on their insert package advising the patients of possible “suicidal ideation” when stopping the drug?
I will not go down easily. I will go kicking and screaming to every newspaper or magazine to bring this to everyone’s attention, to possibly save your loved one going through what I have had to endure. Who knows how many people didn’t make it or stay on the drug thinking it is their disease coming back instead of the withdrawals from the drug.
If you or anybody you know has been damaged as a result of taking Olexar/ Tramacet/ Tramadol/ Tramahexal , please contact me on mdchristy@telkomsa.net
I think we as South Africans are much too passive in taking medication prescribed by our Doctors and it’s about time we become educated to the pros and cons of taking any medication affecting our health. I was not given that choice.
My name is Denise Christy and those who know me, know how private I am with regards to my personal life, but there are times when the truth needs to be heard. This is my truth and I own it. It is not what I would have chosen for my life and it has been very difficult for me to expose myself but I feel no shame in this as all I did was follow the Doctors orders.
NB: This is my personal experience with all the drugs mentioned. Everyone is different and reacts differently to every medication. Never stop talking any medication without first consulting with your Doctor.
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