Where I'm At, Where I Wanna Be

[FranxLove]

I took a vacation off work and college to go see my mom who suffers a pretty bad case of breast cancer, with quimo coming up. As soon as I got on the plane I quit smoking, for me, and for my mom. Leading by example, my mom quit smoking upon seeing me smoke free. She is now on her 3rd day nicotine free (as far as I know...)

Me, I'm a week nicotine free today.

This country is where I started smoking at 15...and gosh do I see how and why! Coming from USA to over here is such a culture shock. Its so depressing how people live in third world countries like this...its unbelievable, its dark, its sad beyond belief.

Thing is I get so sad, so depressed, I miss my job, my home, my weather, americans!! (Here people yell at you from vehicles as you walk on the street ALL THE TIME, among 1000 other shit shows which make you feel totally alienated...)

And well, I get it now! Of course I started smoking here at 15, as well as drinking alcohol excesivley (I no longer drink at all) anyone would want to escape this shit show through whatever means necesary. You feel so alienated here that a cig is the best friend imaginable. Any sort of pleassure is an oasis here. And for the lonley pleassure is easier achieved through self medication than socialization.

TO conclude; I feel great smoke free, happier, less of a hypocrite; I am on the right path, this is good, this is right.

Tomorow I am gonna jog and I'll probably jog twice as far and as fast as normally.

I will stay as strong as I have, I cant afford to go back. I'm only 23 and I was coughing every day all day...there is no such thing as one cig.

As for my alienation here?

I will focus on taking care of my beautiful mother, on fasting and deep meditation, and maybe my art.

Im going back to USA smoke free! I also hope my mom will stay smoke free when I leave...however thats beyond my control. You see, what I've learned in this trip up until now is this; I have to save myself, "spiritually", physically, mentally, and I can't save anyone else. Not even the people I most love. Because knowledge essentially cant be passed down; knowledge is experience. And for experience, people have to walk the walk for themselves and by themselves.

No one is gonna save me from this addiction, or anything else, except ME.

YEP, I got this, and YOU do too!💓 As bad as this all is, if I were smoking it would be worse.

Picture is of Ganesh, remover of obstacles, a deity which, as far as I have personally experienced, is more than just a fairy tale or myth, and does exist in some weird sort of way in some weird sort of place.

[Murphy2019 50 Days Smoke Free]

Wise words FranxLove ... sending you much solidarity for your journey....and the best of luck to your mum 🙏

[FranxLove 100 Days Smoke Free in reply to Murphy2019]

Thank you, you're very sweet.

[Quit4Money 1 Year Smoke Free 9 Months Smoke Free]

Lovely post, thanks for sharing. You have an experience of two countries that most of us don't have. How wonderful you are supporting your mom like this, including helping her give up the smokes. I wish you a blessed visit with your mom. And I love the picture of Ganesh, remover of obstacles. Safe travels home later on.