Day 16. I had a smoking dream last night and woke up in a panic. It came after I spent an evening with a smoking friend. I wasn't tempted to cheat while I was with him, but I guess my psyche was jealous somehow. Weirdly, even though I didn't touch one, when I woke up from my smoking dream, my throat felt scratchy and burned like it often did on occasions when I smoked more than usual like a night out with friends.
Anyway, I feel really strong about the quit. I'm dealing with triggers really well and I'm excited about the positives of not smoking. I have 100% confidence in myself that I will not relapse. So I'm thinking about killing the Chantix. I only started taking it because I signed up for a quit-smoking study and they are providing it, along with patches that may or may not be placebos. Having tried and gotten violently ill from patches before, I am positive the patches are placebos and they irritate my skin so I ditched them 2 weeks ago. Didn't notice a difference. While I know that a lot of you have reported fatigue from quitting alone, I have not experienced this before. I quit for 28 days (forced by being in the Amazon jungle for work and no access to smokes) less than 2 years ago, and I didn't ever feel fatigue. On a prior quit in 2011 (6 months), I also didn't feel fatigue. But on Chantix, I feel like a zombie from the moment I wake up until I get home. Then I crawl into bed at 6 to take a nap and end up wired, falling asleep at 12, then waking up constantly through the night. I think I'm tired because I haven't had a decent night's sleep since I started the pills. I don't have time to be a zombie. I can't keep going to work half zoned and looking for a place to take at nap at 2 pm.
I've read that stopping can also lead to fatigue, so this feels like a Catch-22. So I'm going to start taking half doses for a few days, then gradually phase out the evening dose. Ugh. I just want to feel almost normal again.