Hello

[RainBowie]

Hi everyone, i just found this forum again today. I used it / your all's support back when I quit smoking may 31, 2013. Back then the forum was different, which is why it took me a long time to find it again, but i finally did through my email. Sadly, i started smoking again August 8, 2014. Yes, i remember the exact day, it was in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep. I knew it was wrong and I foolishly thought at first I wouldn't be addicted, and of course within a week I was smoking all the time again. American spirit light blue,one of the strongest brands IMO and I've read they have way more nicotine. So I've been smoking again these past two years and I've been struggling with quitting again for at least a year. I keep thinking it will be easy, one day I'll just poof, not want to. It's funny because there are days I manage to convince myself I don't need to smoke, and go all day without, and feel great and proud and like i can already breathe better. inevitably, then something dramatic happens to me where I have to smoke. Almost as though i am somehow subconsciously inventing these dramas so I can smoke. I mean, i wouldnt do that on purpose, it sounds crazy. I live with a smoker now, and i didn't before, which also makes it much harder, as he doesnt want to quit, but he doesnt smoke nearly as Much as i. Thinking I'm always going to quit tomorrow literally makes me chain smoke the night before, to "live it up". Then I feel physically awful, so I think i just won't smoke because I of that, and then I do anyway! I'm just miserable over it, it's gotten to be way too big a deal. And i just want to get back to where I was when I wrote those posts three years ago. Finding them and reading them again todAy has been profound, and i cant beleive it was me. And this is me now. Also I am very committed to doing this cold turkey, as I did it that wway before so I know it works, plus I'm a suspicious American and sensitive to the fact that most of the "help" out there is really just a trick to buy a new product. Any help and support anyone can provide might help, it certainly did before, three and a half years ago. Thanks guys.

[Nozmo Valued Contributor]

Hello RainBowie and welcome back (although I obviously wasn't here the first time around!)

Sorry to hear you started again. It's easily done and I've done it plenty of times myself. Hope you can help you out with the new quit.

[RainBowie in reply to Nozmo]

Thank so much for your response, i saw on yr page that Jan 4th was yr e cig day, which happens to be my birthday, So a good sign. Thank you for your supportive words, it helps!

[RoisinO1 Administrator 3 Years Smoke Free]

Welcome back RainBowie (are you a David Bowie fan?). Sorry to read that you relapsed - think it is a great sign that you found this forum again - have you began your quit?

I too quit cold turkey over 13 months ago, I know the complacency can cause such devastation in our quits, but you are back in the right place. Embrace your new quit and don't look back on the past - its the one thing we can't change but can learn so much from it.

[RainBowie in reply to RoisinO1]

Thank you so much. I haven't quit again yet, but am really close. I get mad thinking, ill just quit tomorrow, and then when tomorrow comes, i dont (like yesterday). So right now im just going to focus on reading posts and getting ready, i just don't want to put too much pressure on. i deeply want to, so i know i will get there. Thank you for the support so far!

[RoisinO1 Administrator 3 Years Smoke Free in reply to RainBowie]

I know exactly how you are feeling as I was like that a year and a half before I quit - my hubby gave up in that time and I desperately wanted to give up too, you are getting close - have the belief you can do it, read away, we will be here ready and waiting for you, wishing you strength

[RainBowie in reply to RoisinO1]

Thank you, good to know im not alone 👍💖❤🌟💪

[RoisinO1 Administrator 3 Years Smoke Free in reply to RainBowie]

Love your profile name and picture

[mushen Valued Contributor]

Hello and welcome (back) RainBowie

I am currently recovering from relapse #3 having fallen into the same trap as you. I actually thought that one puff could not hurt. Well it did and within hours (literally), I was back smoking at previous levels. It took me months before I found the motivation to try again (because in my experience, quitting took so much effort and energy).

I have smoked for so many years that I can barely remember a time when I did not. Husband also smokes which was not helpful in the beginning but is just irritating now! I still get kind of freaked out by the thought I will never smoke again. Smoking really is an all or nothing kind of thing.

Anyway, my point is, that you can and will get back to where you were if that is what you want. You have it within you to quit. Pick your time and then just do it. The things you describe feeling\doing I absolutely recognise in myself. You are so not alone!

In the meantime, have a look at WhyQuit.com - along with this one, one of the best sites around.

Quitting can be lonely so stay close and post often. 🙄🙄

[RainBowie in reply to mushen]

Thank you so much for your kind words, it helps so much to hear that someone thinks I Can in fact quit! I am so fearful it will be hard, but i know it will be soon. I am very irritated by the smell of smoking, sadly, i think I smoke then to not notice it as much ! 😯yes, Why quit is one i found helpful last tuesday, a day i made it all day without until a stupid fight w boyfriend after work. Thank you again, good to know I'm not alone!!💖🌟

[mushen Valued Contributor in reply to RainBowie]

Don't be fearful that it will be hard. For me, the thought of even trying to quit was, in many ways, a lot worse than actually doing it. You may find it's not as bad as you imagine it will be.

You will have loads of support from the guys on here which is vital and will help take the fear away. 😃