lost my sparkle..lost my Mojo...will it come back??

Hi there....this is day 83 not smoking and i am really struggling psychologically/emotionally....i had smoked since the age of 14, (33 yrs ago) and have had several failed attempts to stop...i felt great and very motivated initially, everone is supportive and i am very proud of stopping but i feel I have become boring, i have lost my ZEST, im not depressed, i do have a fab life, 3 gr8 kids and a lovely partner who also stopped same time.....I feel its affeced us , making us more distant, as no longer do we sneak outside together for a cosy ciggy and a chat etc...some connection has gone...we sleep more, go out less, have both put on 8 kilos and are both now trying to lose weight....i just feel so less laid back, feel more uptight, feel like if i just had one ciggy it would re fuel my mojo, light my fire etc, but i know i dont want to be back on that road agai, i just want to feel like myself again...In Carrs book he says something about how you were you before you were a smoker, but i dont remember me before i was a smoker...am i destined to be a boring glum frump with no umph im my life??? Please can someone assure me it will get better???..Thankyou, Mel:(

16 Replies

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  • I wish I could help out with some info but I'm too fresh a quitter to answer those questions. Much of what you feel I do as well so know that your not alone in this. The important thing is we can't give in, stay strong and let's see if any long time quitters can share some light on these feelings of lost mojo. It's such a odd way to feel and frankly it makes me dislike smoking that much more since it has this kind of mental hold on us.

  • Hello Mel, are you now a rebel without a cause? I know the feeling, being a smoker was exciting, bad-boy (for me), rebellious, farting in the face of normality and being well-behaved. But most of that ran past its shelf life when I was exhausted, hacking each morning, chest infections and bronchitis every winter for the last 4-5 years.

    I agree, I am sleeping more feeling tired, but am now coming through that at 108 days. I've put on 14lbs and over the last couple of weeks have only just started making in-roads into bringing that off again. My alcohol consumption has gone through the roof, and again, only just starting to rein that back. this is a new and different life we have now, especially having started so young - I was 15, now 55. We have never been adults who did not smoke. That's a lot to work your way through. A lot of habits to have a new take on.

    I don't know what your main reasons are for stopping, but one of mine is knowing that my father died on Christmas Eve from a massive heart attack, caused by clogging up of one of his main arteries and was found by my mother having collapsed in to their Christmas Tree. That was my father's mojo, or at least where it led to. And, let's face it, we all know lots of exciting and interesting people who don't smoke; they don't need it to make them that. And neither do you. but you've got some other work to do as well, finding your way through all those habits you have built up in your adulthood as a smoker and find new ones. What a challenge!

    Start by sneaking out with your partner for a crafty romantic walk, or take the kids as well, and go to the local playing fields or whatever you do. Just change your mind set. You've come a long way. You're doing this. All the best.

  • Hi Melli,

    You have been lucky today as I have been, have felt awful and Walkabout commented to me too, he is great and so helpful.....Thanks again Walkabout :)

    I gave up ciggies feb and e cigs april. Boy oh boy its been one hell of a ride so far....good days but more bad so far........I know its going to get better.......you have to think of what you have been through and come through the other side.

    Like Walkabout says go for a walk........its brilliant for clearing your head and holding your partners hand.

  • Awe guys.. thankyou sooo much for your replies... knowing that im not suffering these weird feelings alone is really helpfull...and yes Walkabout, you hit the nail on the head... a rebel without a cause... lol...Im so glad I have found this site and am getting gr8 motivation from reading through the posts..good nite from down under ( im on nite shift).. think you are all in the UK?? Thanks again..keep intouch x

  • Seems we are both in England so its helping each other from a fair old distance!

    My partner gave up at the same time as me but he isnt having any issues at all..........I am willing to share but he says he is fine and doesnt want them.

    Keep being strong and holding your partners hand! Buy each other silly little presents like a bar of chocolate or flowers. Text saying you love each other. Dont let cigarettes tear you apart x

  • That's such a lovely suggestion :) Clever Wendy-lady x

  • I might have been a little too 'powerful', to use Karri's word. I still find all this difficult at times. There are times when I could smoke, but I know there are others here who have a different path. I need to be using the forum regularly still. And that's fine by me. Yep, UK based for me. Could work well for you as your 8 at night is our 8 in the morning :0)

  • Hi Melli

    Thought I'd pop my head in from down under, 83 days you are doing do well, yes we need to change our habits from when we were smokers to ex-smokers, unfortunately my husband is still smoking this was my decision to quit but he goes outside so I can relate to what your saying, we used to sit and have a drink and a smoke and talk that doesn't happen any more, I have a non nicotine ecig which sometimes when my hubby goes outside I'll join him with this, the smell of him smoking doesn't effect me, the trigger isn't there which is good. In the end as time goes by and we remain non smokers it will be worth it that I'm sure of.

  • Melli - I don't feel like I can add anything to the excellent advice you've already had. But I'm right behind you, too - we're all in this together and I can say with confidence that every blip gets better with time (all my blips have so far :) )

    Good luck x

  • " In the end as time goes by and we remain non smokers it will be worth it that I'm sure of ".

    Hello Melli like yourself I couldn't remember life as a non-smoker having smoked for some 42/43 years. However what I can remember is the stink of nicotine stained fingers,nicotine brown phlegm, a hacking cough and ultimately a suspected heart attack which fortunately after extensive testing was diagnosed as angina. I rather suspect that the powers that be at the Royal Infirmary in Glasgow in were trying to tell me something when after being stabilised, the person I next saw was the smoking cessation nurse and that was in January 2012.

    My first couple of months were hell even with the aid of patches then bingo I seemed to turn some mystical corner and all the cravings,withdrawals were gone.

    So that's me almost 3.5 years nicotine free and wondering why did I ever smoke in the first place.

    Hang on in there it does get easier believe me.

    Michael

  • hi...thanks again guys..and thanks Michael, its good to hear that despite u being such a longterm smoker, you still managed to get out and stay out...hats off to you, 3.5 yrs is impressive!! Heres looking out for that mystical corner.....;)

  • Hi, Melli, If it helps try and do something like a hobby if it's only walking, either together or apart, drink plenty of water, which definitely does help.

    You are already doing well by getting where you are now. Just remember it only takes one cig to be back on the cart, and i am sure you do not want that. I must admit i ate everything in sight because you get your taste buds back everything tastes great. I was separated by my husband so I found it to be a godsend, to be able to quit because i didn't have that person around me. It took me about 16 attempts to quit. But i feel a whole lot better, i do swimming, walk a bit, play with my cat who has bought me happiness gardening. But give it time take each day as it comes.

    And if it helps I did get uptight with people, moody too. It's not uncommon to feel that way, I guess it's the same as drinkers giving up.

    I am now into 22months of my quit. And have never felt so good..

    Hang on in their you will do fine both of you.

    Regards Jacqui :)

    quit: 7/9/13

  • Thanks Jacqui...wow 22 months..thats gr8!! This is my 14th attempt in 15 years before the millenium and before kids I never even wanted to stop.. what was you longest time stopped before this 22 months? And what have u done differently this time? Regards and thanks Mel ☺

  • I really get you Mel - I've only stopped for 2 weeks, but still have a little rebel that kicks in every few days and makes me go buy some, only to smoke 3 puffs then throw it all away, discgusted at myself. My husband says it's like "If you're a jet you're a jet from the first cigarette" - there is defo something rebellious that's kind of hard to let go of. You inspire me though - to hear someone who sounds like me has actually done 83 days!!! That's amazing

  • Hi Melli

    I hope you are feeling better, fight the good fight.......you are a crazy non smoker.........non smoker.......sounds soooooooo good 😄

    Every night when I snuggle down in bed I realise I have gone another day without a cancer stick, something only a year ago if somebody had told me that that's what I would be thinking each night I swear I wouldn't have believed them.

    I have struggled since practically day one of giving up (ciggies feb7th and e cigs April 14th) every withdrawal symptom going I have had but this last week or so has

  • Been surprisingly easier. Still suffering a bit of anxiety and still fancying a stinky smelly cancer stick occasionally.........the why I don't know.

    Keep going at it even if you have to fight minute by minute x

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