So a few people have said they enjoyed reading my earlier posts and then reading my more recent ones. It doesnt feel like alot has changed now but i guess I have just got used to being a non smoker now but I WAS the biggest nicotine addict my friends knew, and that i knew only 6 months ago.
I was 14 when i started and i was on 10 a day from the first time i smoked. on 20 a day by the time i was 16. I loved to smoke in the early days. It was only when I tried to quit when I was 22 that i realized how much of a physical and psychological dependance I had. I had suffered from reactive depression since i was 16. Quitting smoking for me was like purposely going on a train wreck ride into madness. The anger, emotions, shaking, anxiety was HORRENDOUS and the cravings...omg constant!!! Im remembering it now while typing this and my god it was like having a psychotic obsession with smoking.
I tried everything!! champix, patches, ecigs, mints, sprays etc etc and nothing seemed to work. I tried for 2 years to give up and in the second year probably tried to quit every week lol that became an obsession as well; I could not quit, yet I wanted to...why not? must try try try try! Slamming my head into a brick wall. This made me more depressed because i felt like a failure and i felt like I didnt have enough respect for myself to give myself health, because i really did want to quit I just really found it a nightmare.
I got so stressed i developed adult acne (yes really) and one day I looked in the mirror and really saw the miserable girl looking back at me. That day I said to myself 'your either going to quit or your going to smoke and then stop beating yourself up because look at the state of you'. I was expecting to go and lite up BUT I felt angry that cigarettes had done this to me, made me hate myself. I felt so Angry at smoking I quit there and then.
It was NOT the right time at all!! and thats the funny thing about it. It was really ****** inconvenient. I felt exactly the same as I did before when I had quit but I didnt care, I was going to be a non smoker and therefore I was going to put off with the discomfort. The first month was Hell, I felt crap everyday and at time just sat crying. I knew I wasnt going to smoke therefore I just had to wait to feel better. Pretty pathetic really. My acne also got VERY bad at this point, so bad that smoking was an option to sort it out but i trusted that it would settle once i settled. I took to drinking for abit instead lol (I knocked that on the head after 6 weeks).
After the first month, day by day the darkness lifted and at about the 6 week mark I felt good! I had gained 10lbs but I felt good. My acne was beginning to clear as well. Still felt abit like i missed smoking but i was happy in my quit.
Now at nearly 6 months. my face is 100% clear. no acne at all and I look so much better. I dont have any depression anymore. I feel better than I ever did as a smoker (i believe smoking caused my depression now, but thats another story). I can sit with a smoker and not one part of me wants to join them. Im 100% free.
You just have to have faith that you can handle how ever crap you feel and trust you will get through it and one day feel great. that is all it takes. The rest is just the fluffy stuff but faith is the top thing you need to be successful. I preyed to God he would help me and I believe he helped me to help myself by having faith.
Anyways read some old posts of mine to really get a feel of how pathetic I was lol Good luck to everyone starting out or thinking about it xxxx