Deep breaths...

Hello, you lot. I'm new. It's day four for me, and this is my umpteenth attempt at giving up smoking.

I quit on Monday, somewhere in the afternoon as my daughter was admitted to hospital the night before with an acute asthma attack. I had no idea she was even asthmatic as she's always been so healthy. So, that's two kids with weak chests - as well as having one myself - and I guess something just snapped. I just put my packet of fags in the bin, popped some gum in my mouth and went back to the children's ward. I said nothing to anyone until yesterday, when I was forced to because I developed a very, *very* nasty respiratory tract infection and got a telling off from the doc when I said I smoked. When I admitted that I hadn't touched one since Monday, he advised me to use this time as a springboard towards never touching them again. Here's hoping!

I'm also juggling weight loss, binge control and not biting my nails anymore, lol, so it's safe to say my head is quite mangled right now. But I'm surviving; better than surviving. I feel great, proud of myself, but also terrified of letting myself down (again) and worse still, everyone around me.

I've done quitting before - I've done the patches, I've done Champix (I won't even get started on that episode, bad bad news), I've done the inhalator and I've done cold turkey after discovering I was pregnant (both times, full 9 months, first drink post-pregnancy = puff puff puffin' away).

It's useful reading through everyone else's posts. I'm gonna go now and keep reading them, it's good ammunition for when the nasty cravings kick in later :)

21 Replies

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  • Welcome to the forum.

    Its great to see you've taken this step but I see you've not tried the only way to quit, which is education! You've got the reasons why you want to quit I see. But, by reading the links on peoples signatures you will start to learn why you crave and how to overcome that. Once you learn the logic behind a lot of the craves and how to apply that logic, its just practice. The trick is to quit and stay quit, and this forum is a great resource to show you how.

    Fi

  • Wow girl you have had one hell of a bad week but on the up side it can only get better, your children will benefit from your quitting smoking as well as you, so their chests and yours will surely improve.

    My OH has never smoked but always had a cough and I put it down to a weakness in the family but since I quit I am gutted to say he has improved, guess I was partly responsible and feel realy guilty about that and wish I had quit years ago, I wish really that I had never started but hey we cannot turn back time mores the pity, but I have stopped now and will stay stopped and I hope with the help of this great forum you will also cease smoking for good, take care and hope the little one is loads better now and at home where she belongs.

  • My goodness, you have a lot going on, but keeping busy is good. You have all the reasons to stop smoking, and you want to stop smoking, so you're nearly all the way there. You have to find a way to do it now and educating yourself about the addiction etc. is a great defense to have, it will help you keep in control when the cravings come and go and when certain triggers occur. When you know why something is happening, it isn't quite so scary, so click on those links on peoples signatures, and read peoples experiences, then as the days go on you can help other from your own experience.

    Good luck, you will do it, take it one day at a time.

    Lorraine :)

  • Yay, glad to see you here, told you it was great didnt i, lol!!

    Got your friend request too!!

    In peoples signatures, there are loads of links that you can have a look at and read etc. They are really helpful when quitting as they can keep you on the wagon!!

  • welcome Seanin, thanks for sharing your story, seems like no-one around here has got anything nice to say about smoking - poor old nicodemon, no friends on this forum today :)

    all the best with your quit, Si

  • . I feel great, proud of myself, but also terrified of letting myself down (again) and worse still, everyone around me.

    Hi there! And so you should feel proud of yourself - you have made the decision to quit smoking and have quit, which for me and many peeps on here is one of the hardest things we have ever done. Reference the letting people down, I know what you mean but at the moment don't look at the bigger picture i.e. long term. Deal with one craving at a time, one day at a time and it will soon mount up. Just take baby steps.

    As Fi and others have said the key is education so do read the links in the signatures.

    You are doing great, keep going and keep us posted :)

  • Thanks everyone, those replies have put a big smile on my face!

    I still haven't smoked, nor am I even inclined to. I am going down the 'education' route this time; although every other time I've quit, I have educated myself, I just allowed myself to forget all about it in lieu of 'just one wee smoke'.

    I just read several articles on Tales From The Quit and found them hugely helpful. Every word rings so true, I was stunned. I also see massive benefits from the daily mantra idea as this is where I've gone wrong so many times before; I let myself forget that I'm an addict. I hate that I'm an addict, and quitting is hard enough without constantly reminding myself that I'm 'tainted'...but I'm slowly realising now that it's a reality, and without reality I have no chance of beating it.

    As for triggers, thankfully I'm already aware of what my triggers are. They're the same triggers that make me overeat and bite my nails. I have an extremely addictive personality (a fact, and one which I despise) and because of this, I have quite a few bad habits. Then, I have these addictions, both of which are very destructive - either I'll eat until I feel sick and then smoke, or I'll spend all day smoking, eating nothing, and then end up gorging on junk. No matter what I do, I'm disrespecting and damaging my body.

    I've grown up seeing various addictions, and over the years I've learned a lot about all forms of self-harm. I firmly believe that smoking is a form of self-harm, in the sense that it is just as much of an emotional crutch as it is a physical addiction. This is something I'm going to look into further.

    As it goes, I'm a writer, and I've decided that this time around I'm going to pour everything I have into writing about this quitting process. It feels like I'd be using something that I love to help defeat something that I hate - and surely that's worth a shot.

    I'm so glad I found this place now - one day at a time it is!

    Thanks everyone :)

  • Thanks everyone, those replies have put a big smile on my face!

    I still haven't smoked, nor am I even inclined to. I am going down the 'education' route this time; although every other time I've quit, I have educated myself, I just allowed myself to forget all about it in lieu of 'just one wee smoke'.

    I just read several articles on Tales From The Quit and found them hugely helpful. Every word rings so true, I was stunned. I also see massive benefits from the daily mantra idea as this is where I've gone wrong so many times before; I let myself forget that I'm an addict. I hate that I'm an addict, and quitting is hard enough without constantly reminding myself that I'm 'tainted'...but I'm slowly realising now that it's a reality, and without reality I have no chance of beating it.

    As for triggers, thankfully I'm already aware of what my triggers are. They're the same triggers that make me overeat and bite my nails. I have an extremely addictive personality (a fact, and one which I despise) and because of this, I have quite a few bad habits. Then, I have these addictions, both of which are very destructive - either I'll eat until I feel sick and then smoke, or I'll spend all day smoking, eating nothing, and then end up gorging on junk. No matter what I do, I'm disrespecting and damaging my body.

    I've grown up seeing various addictions, and over the years I've learned a lot about all forms of self-harm. I firmly believe that smoking is a form of self-harm, in the sense that it is just as much of an emotional crutch as it is a physical addiction. This is something I'm going to look into further.

    As it goes, I'm a writer, and I've decided that this time around I'm going to pour everything I have into writing about this quitting process. It feels like I'd be using something that I love to help defeat something that I hate - and surely that's worth a shot.

    I'm so glad I found this place now - one day at a time it is!

    Thanks everyone :)

    I am so glad thats how you feel Seanin,

    i too found it hard to think of myself as a drug addict, but the more i thought about it, the more i realised it was true- nicotine is a drug, i am a nicotine addict, therefore i am a drug addict. But as well as shocking me, it also gave me the kick up the bum that i needed to think "i dont want to be a DRUG addict anymore"!!

  • Hello day five :)

    When I woke this morning, I felt like it was going to be a tricky one. For some reason, cigarettes wouldn't leave my head; one of my biggest problems is that my closest mates all smoke and I'm afraid I'll cave if I'm around them. But, I've sat down and had a little think about that - and I decided that I won't let the fear of caving win (self fulfilling prophecy, anyone?).

    I did the mantra thing, too. When I got up, as I was making my coffee, I said to myself, ''I AM a nicotine addict and I can't control my addiction, so today, I chose not to smoke.'' Already, I feel better about today.

    I have a few challenges ahead of me. I've got to call with my nan, who's a heavy smoker; I then have to call with my best mate, who's also a heavy smoker. I WILL survive both visits without smoking. I don't need to smoke. I haven't smoked for 5 days now and already, despite a horrible chest infection, I feel so much better. If I'd carried on smoking, I'd have had no money at all to do me until Monday. Now, I still have the money I would have smoked away, so I think I'm going to get through my two visits by thinking about what I can reward myself with next week.

    I don't know if anyone's following Eastenders, but I am...and this might sound silly, but it's very true for me. I read about the 'imp' on Tales from the Quit last night, and I thought to myself, ''Wow, my imp is a lot like Phil Mitchell. Ugly at the best of times, but out of control when he doesn't get his own way.'' In last night's episode, as Peggy walked away from Phil, I synchronised that image with me walking away from my imp. He's still calling after me, but I'm not going to answer. If I answer, I'll never ever get away.

    So, day five is here and I intend to get to day six feeling very proud of myself indeed. I can and will do this.

  • You know what is a great feeling?

    When you wake up in the morning and forget that you even smoke/were a smoker. Best feeling in the world. I've been having those feelings lately. It's brilliant.

  • You know what is a great feeling?

    When you wake up in the morning and forget that you even smoke/were a smoker. Best feeling in the world. I've been having those feelings lately. It's brilliant.

    That's awesome! I can't wait to feel that way too. Going by past experiences it shouldn't be too long. I've given up before several times - the last time was for over six months - and it was just sheer arrogance that led me to smoke again. I won't be making that mistake this time!

  • Here's something I noticed, too: I've been sat here wondering where this lovely smell was coming from, and I realised it's my hair! I'm so used to stinking of stale smoke and cigarettes I forgot how it feels to actually smell good, lol!

  • Here's something I noticed, too: I've been sat here wondering where this lovely smell was coming from, and I realised it's my hair! I'm so used to stinking of stale smoke and cigarettes I forgot how it feels to actually smell good, lol!

    Are you female?

    I always wonder that. Girls get dolled up, put on make up, get dressed, then stink of fags. Doesn't make sense.

  • Haha, yeah I'm female. I think so, anyway. Sometimes my boyfriend wonders.

    It's true, though, what you say. Why bother wasting time and money on perfumes and shampoos and smelly things when you're only gonna wind up stinking like Bet Lynch? No point in it at all.

    It's the same as trying to lose weight, which I'm trying to do at the moment. What's the sense in me losing the weight and looking better when on the inside I'm tarred, black and generally dying a slow death? Yeah, that's real pretty.

    The more I think of it, the more I'm so glad I quit five days ago.

  • Good Morning Seanin,

    great to hear that you are doing so well!

    Nicotine only stays in your body for 72 hours, so it is already out of your system, well done you!

    I am 100% sure that you will be able to cope with the visits to your nan and your friend. You are a strong person, you can do it!!

  • I did it!

    My nan was kind enough not to smoke while I was in the house, and somehow while at my mate's, I wasn't even tempted even though the utility room door was wide open and the place was FULL of smokers! If anything I found the smell of it sort of repulsed me.

    So, that's that hurdle out of the way. I can bear that one in mind when I have another to overcome. I'm so surprised and happy I managed it, because today in truth is a bloody tough one, but somehow I'm getting through it :)

  • Well done Seanin, thats a brilliant accomplishment, especially so early on in your quit!

  • Great Job!!!!!!!

  • Seanin, you are doing a fabulous job, you sound really positive and have really thought things through which is great, no point in trying to avoid the issues or pretend they're not there! Keep on this way and you'll have it sorted. Well done you, enjoy the rest of your nice smelling weekend!

    Lorraine :)

  • Cheers all :)

    I did go to pieces a little this evening under all the pressure, but I'm glad to report I *still* haven't smoked!

    End of day five, day six tomorrow. Before I know it, it'll be a week, then two, then ten, then a year....ok, ok, so I can actually count - I'm just being stupid now, lol.

  • Seanin

    I really felt for you whilst reading your posts, beleive me I know how hard it is to quit, I ended up having cancer and still smoking for a few months. Please try and step out yourself and look at yourself from outside, thats what made me feel so positive about quitting forever, not just trying but quitting for good.

    I saw the puzzled look on my consultants and spe******ts nurses faces when they learnt I was till smoking, my poor husband and family were really upset.

    You have two kids who really need you healthy and well as well as owing it to yourself.

    I wont pretend it has not been tough at times but I just kept promising myself one day at a time and somehow ten and a bit months have gone by.

    You are doing so well, just keep going one day at a time and the support on her is invaluable.

    Dee

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