27 days and severe depression

Hello everyone, this is my first post and I was not really sure which forum to post in to be honest as I am sitting here typing whilst smoking a fag :(

I started smoking again today as I realized that this non-smoking business needs more thought and planning in my case. I have just gone 27 days CT and had no desires to smoke, even now I have no desires, but I am forcing myself to smoke for my mental health.

All was well for the first 3 weeks, but this last week I have been feeling depressed and suicidal and have been plotting my own demise. I have been depression free for just over 10 years and I 'coincidentally' have been smoking for just over 10 years.

I really do want to quit and so would appreciate any help from anyone who has experienced a similar situation and maybe found a way to get past this undesirable 'side-effect'. I feel that smoking has somehow masked the fact that I am generally very unhappy with my life and quitting just opened my eyes to this fact. Not really sure what to do now. :confused:

13 Replies

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  • Falcon, so sorry to hear of your depression, I am not one to give advice as I have never suffered from it, and cannot even think what it must be like-I have seen some great people fall because of the illness, I am presuming you have seen your GP and the usual medical help that is out there-10 years is a long time to be living with such a mental illness-goes to show how strong you are managing it to this point.

    As for smoking, it doesn't rid the demons, it doesn't sooth the pain, all it does is add to your health issues.

    I really hope there is some-one on here that can be more helpful than me-Just remember though you are Unique-there is only one of you...that makes you very very special xxxx

  • To be honest this depression has been a bit of a shock and I was not expecting it at all. This is the first time I have ever quit. I have not once thought of ending my life for over 10 years until this passed week and to be honest I thought my depression was a thing of the distant past, but it seems that the cigarettes have been my self medicated anti-depressants all these years.

    I am really annoyed as I honestly felt great both physically and mentally for the first 3 weeks after quitting. I listened to Alan Carr's audio book on quitting and just stopped smoking immediately after. I actually enjoyed the feelings of craving a cigarette and saw it as a great battle between my self will and the evil fags. A battle I was easily winning.

    But this week I have been unable to get out of bed and have ignored all things I have had to do. This morning I just lay in bed for 5 hours thinking of how to end my life. I am sure I will be fine in a few days now that I have started smoking again, but I have really started to hate smoking this past month and it is not something I want to do for the rest of my life.

  • I think your quit should be carefully managed through a quit programme run by your local health services, I would go to your GP and tell them your desire to quit but also explain that you get depression and suicidal thoughts- I think if you are to quit-it needs to be monitored closely xxx

  • Hey Falcon, Have experienced something very similar every time i quit hun. You can look at past posts from me from past quits and this one and see i talk about relapsing for the same reasons!

    This quit I was jolly until end of week 3 and then suddenly bam! I wouldnt leave the house and cried 8 hours straight one day! I just prayed it would get better and wanted to see if it would because it happened every single time! I read somewhere that nicotine can act like an anti depressant, but only smoked (something about how it breaks down).

    Anyways It did get better Falcon and i said before it was my angels who dragged me through! at the end of week 5 I was fine! everyone is different and it maybe take you 5,6,7 weeks for your brain to re-adjust.

    Do you know the science behind why this is? look it up. but in short when you smoke you promt your brain to produce dopamine (happy drug). If you manually take other a function of the body it will stop its own regulation. (eg laxatives create lazy bowel). Now when you stop smoking you in effect stop all production of dopamine basically. It will take your body time before it goes back to the chemistry of a non smoker. Smoking propts dopamine so much that schizophrenics can drop their medication down after quitting (schizophrenics produce too much dopamine).

    I can tell you from someone who has suffered mild chronic depression for years that mine gets worse when i quit, but now my body is working properly again I feel better than when I was smoker! I smile more and laugh harder. It will get worse before it gets better. I would say give it 3 months if no improvement then you need GP help. Or as said as above if you need a helping hand go on a SSRI and let it take effect for 3 months then quit again.

    Hope this helps. Im a student psychiatric nurse so I know a bit about this stuff. If you wanna talk inbox me xxx

  • you have my sympathy, i have the same problem myself.smoking has always been a general coping mechanism for me but its side effects are crap and its not really an efficient way of keeping depression at bay.. since ive quit im still depressed but have one positive in my life . quitting smoking. i hope you find a way to deal with this. it would be a bit disappointing if you had to smoke just to deal with depression.

    M

  • Hi Falcon. You say you are going CT, what about using some NRT such as patches or gum to help you out, :)

  • Im talking about depression and smoking not treating depression itself! My doc gave me SSRIs to help me quit smoming actually lol i didnt take them but it was an option because as a smoker she is not like this in her own words. But yes see GP onlty they are qualified to tell you whats going on. I was merely giving information. Stupid nurse lol xx

  • Hey Falcon. Heres a share of my experience of depression please understand this is not advice . find out as much as u can about depression. get yourself informed .if you see your gp about it find out what he knows about the subject. there are lots of people and organizations out there who together can help you . They have and are helping me each in their own way and something must be working coz i'm still here. If your feeling suicidal please pick up the phone and speak with someone coz there are lots of alternatives to ending your life. There is an awful lot of great stuff that u can do when your alive that u cannot do when your dead . that sounds blunt but can't be said any other way. I empathize with you. i have been there and can guarantee there is a way through.

    Mash. X

  • Best wishes Falcon,I am not someone who has ever suffered depression mercifully but I am most intrigued by Nikki's advice and urge you to look hard at what she says-smoking takes over some functions from the body and brain like the big bully it is,and it takes TIME for the body to kick in after quitting and re-start some of those vital functions so after this happens you will feel good again,before it happens you may feel wretched.

    Never doubt what a vital and wonderful thing it is to STOP smoking.;)

    Yes its true max! Personal interest lead me to read alot about it because of my own struggles. there is more to it though. Its a fact that someone with depression will find it harder to quit smoking than someone without depression and it is because someone with depression is already firing less dopamine than someone without depression. This is also why champix cant be given to someone with depression because champix binds to the neurotransmitters stimulated by nicotine...which includes major dopamine pathways! disaster written all over it.

    Anyways falcon, this is not advise this is just a point of view. Know what your dealing with as MASH says will help you to figure out your needs and your body and how it reacts. Depression is different for everyone. You will do it Falcon, you just need to go out it differently. xxx

  • Well today I actually feel like a different person, back to my old usual very mildly depressed self :-)

    What a difference chain-smoking a packet of fags made! I woke up this afternoon (late night last night smoking on the computer) feeling pretty much fine, got up straight away (no lying in bed staring at the ceiling for hours with very negative thoughts) and was actually singing in the shower! I had not been able to motivate myself to have a shower for days before. I went out and did all the jobs I had put off the last week and now am actually looking forward to going out tonight to celebrate the new year! So yeah, BIG difference!

    I definitely have a MUCH more positive opinion about my life. I given up the idea of quitting again any time in the near future, although it is definitely something I would like to do in the long run. Today I stink of fags, my house smells awful, my month clean lungs are definitely feeling a bit rough and I am back to wasting exorbitant amounts of my hard earned cash on stupid fags, but I can think positively about my life and future again :-)

    I strongly suggest that anyone with a history of depression talks to their GP, friends and family about quitting and this possible very negative side effect before attempting to quit CT like I did. Please do not repeat my mistake and at the first sign of any glamorization of suicide, speak to someone immediately! If someone knows how you feel they can look out for you to ensure you do not get any worse, after a few days of this train of thought it is very difficult to help yourself!

    Quitting smoking was one of the ways for me to improve my life, but luckily there are also many other things I can do to self-improve and become a happier person, so I will do some of these things first. When I am in a better place I will be back on this amazing forum with such great, helpful, knowledgeable and understanding people and I will be asking for your support to quit this disgusting habit :)

    Thanks to everyone who replied and I wish you all great success at quitting.

    x

  • we await your return hon! and im glad your feeling more yourself :D take the time to learn about all this. Also look up the relationship between stress and depression and really plan next time how your going to keep all stress to a very strict minimum! good luck xx

  • Hi Falcon

    As Nikki said if u look at my posts u will see I am exactly the same I always get anxiety and depression around the 7 week mark and it over takes me and I end up smoking I know how scary suicidal thoughts are that's what finally made me cave in on 19th December and smoke I recall being sat in my car sobbing and wanting to drive into a wall I wasn't prepared to feel such utter despair anymore in fact my husband bought me fags as he was worried I was having a breakdown and I smoked the lot like you did and I felt better, I really did I didn't cough my guts up nor did it taste disgusting but what I realise each time I fail a quit is that a few weeks later I come back and I try to quit again because deep down I know that smoking is so bad out brains convince us it's a comfort but it really isn't it gives us chest pains breathing problems makes us stinks and harms the people we love around us.... It does absolutely nothing good for us but in our anxious depressed state we think it's our "friend" with friends like that who needs enemies!! I am by no means perfect at this this is my 8th quit now and I could be where u are now again a few weeks but I am determined to succeed be it this time or 2 years time and when ur ready you will too.

    If u are prone to anxiety and depression might I suggest NRT I am using patches now again it's early days I will admit but for people like us CT is just horrendous I would definitely suggest a trip to gp and get some SSRI's as Nikki suggested that's what I am going to do as it will help with the early few months of the quit I am hoping.

    I wish you the best of luck and look forward to seeing you on here again soon I am determined to get through the bad times this time and be a non smoker, and you will be a non smoker one day too....take care xx

  • This thread has made me feel really sad, I hate to think of people suffering depression and feeling suicidal. That is just awful.

    I am glad Falcon is feeling better.

    I have to say though, what a caring bunch of lovely people you are. Those replies were so thoughtful and caring, I am proud to 'know' you all.

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