Failure - I need a new approach

Monring,

I am writing this to try to help myself, by putting down in words how angry and disgusted I am with myself, the fact that I am weaker than I thought, have no will power, have lied to my wife, and have no respect in myself.

It all started well in 31 December amongst family and friends, I felt strong and determined to start 2014 as I want to live the rest of my life.....smoke free. For reference I smoke about 15-20 a day, mostly on a night as I dont smoke at the head office I work at. To be honest I dont really have any desire to smoke at work, and this might be because I have no connection with it and the majority of people I work with dont even know I smoke.

So the new year passes by and I felt really positive for the next few days, I threw all remaining packets of smoke away, ordered the Alan Carr book, and in my head I really thought I could do it this time.

Then the weekend came, probably too early for me, and I had plans already made which meant I was going out drinking (by the way, I am not an alcholic...yet). Normally, I would go out, drink, smoke and enjoy myself. And that is excatly what I did. My normal routine. In the mornings, I think I tried to convience myself that I was still on the quit. But this morning, when I woke up, and recgonised that stinking taste in my mouth again, the slight soreness on the back of my throat, the faint stink on my fingers I have realised that I am still a smoker.

So what do I do. I have come to work and feel really low with myself and felt the need to write this....to be true to myself. I have even worn patches but that has not stopped me.... so today I have decided not to put a patch on, why bother!

I have the Alan Car book now and will start reading that tonight, with the hope that will help change the way my mind is making me continue smoking. I really want it to work, I really want to stop, and the longer I dont, the longer I wont be truely happy or healthy.

I think I need to get my head round the massive challenge it is to quit smoking.....and for those who read this that have stopped or are quitting properly (unlike me).....I have the utmost respect for.

Rich73

10 Replies

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  • Awww Rich. Dont be too down on yourself, as debbie said your not the first person to feel this way!

    Quitting smoking is a challenge, but it can be a fun one too. The trick is finding the right method for you. I had NRT, but its not for everybody, and for those who CT I am in complete awe of!! The biggy though is your mind, it plays games with you......read the forum, it will all help to guide you.

    You can do it Rich, just hang tight :)

  • Maybe you would be better sticking with cold turkey instead of having more nicotine than you used to have. You have nicotine at work which you never had before so you are adding nicotine.

    I missed that Karri!! Rich, Karri is right here, if you never smoked at work and your wearing 24 hour patches or patches through the day then you are increasing the intake.....if you only really smoked of an evening then use them of an evening if that's the method you would like to try.

    Each day is a new day and quitting is taken a day at a time :D

  • There are people who sail through, people who need a long time to do it and people who just have a couple of false starts. Even the people who seem successful had a few attempts before they got here. Don't lose heart because you will do it :)

    Love this Karri....its so true! I know I have had a few hiccups! :)

  • Thanks all, that is a good point about the patches. Perhaps I was getting too much nicotine that my body doesn't need.

    I have reset the quit date on my apps to last night and I really hope I dont have to reset it again tomorrow.

    I threw everthing away (again) on the way to work so i have nothing to smoke at home (not even in some scanky bottle ashtry) so I will get home, lock the door and probably have a restless evening and night.

    You are all helping and I feel more positive again.

  • Ahh Rich...chin up....you will get there!!

    I used to read the posts of the long term quitters, still do, and then read their early posts too!! It helped me, because when you feel like your hitting a brick wall, you can see your not alone and that others have felt as you do. Ive had struggles too.....but they do ease up (long-termer's were NOT making that up!) and it does get easier to cope with, of that I can assure you :D

  • Thanks Teflon....do you have any other reading recommendations?

  • cheers debbie.....I will check the prof out......

  • LOL.....my first laugh of the day......thanks....

  • Another option you could consider is accessing an NHS stop smoking service if you have one nearby. They can help you to identify what method is likely to work best for you and provide you with reading material as well as ongoing advice and support (in tandem with the forum of course :))

    It certainly works for me (with the added advantage of an extra incentive not to blow your quit as you will have to confess all to your advisor :D).

    I know you can do it though. And you will.

  • Awwww Rich, so sorry to hear that.

    Take a <<hug>>, be kind to yourself and start again.

    You can do this! Smoking just isn't worth the guilt, anxiety, expense, sleepless nights, planning, time, worry, smell, coughing, nervousness, social awkwardness, taste, etcetcetc

    Good luck!

    Xx

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