Hey - 20 months

Hello, I haven't been here for quite a while as I have been cruising to this stage.

Here is my last post at Day 20!! forum.nosmokingday.org.uk/s...

I quit smoking 1st Jan 2012, which means I am now at 20 months. I quit with my fiancee (who is now my wife). She has just recently started smoking the odd one again and she can go a few days without one. This is bothering me so much and she knows it as we used each other as will power. I have not stopped thinking about smoking since I found out. This is how I have found myself back here :(

Anyone else gone through this before? Stopped smoking with your partner and they have give up? I am very weak minded to even consider smoking because someone else has, but then again I made it this far I guess.....

16 Replies

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  • First of all - 20 months???!!!! That is fantastic!!!! Please don't throw all of that fighting away. Could you imagine having to start over with your quit? Ugh - I sure couldn't and I am not even at 4 months yet. Even though your wife is only smoking every few days - it is just a matter of time before she is smoking on a regular basis again. :( Maybe she should also be back on this web site. Does she show any interest in stopping? Be the stronger person - don't start back up. Hopefully she will follow..... And please don't even take one puff. Sad to say it will suck you right back in.

    NOPE - Not One Puff Ever!

  • As I said , we were each others will power...well she was mine. I have tried to stop before and failed when I was alone. I found it easier doing it with someone else.

    She said she likes the taste of it...I have a feeling she is smoking to lose weight as she tried to diet and then just stopped, now she is smoking again, weird. But that is another story.

    I know 1 will lead to more, and then back to a box a day. :(

    I will try and fight it, I know if I start again my family will moan at me for weeks. That is one of the reasons I haven't given in to it yet.

  • As I said , we were each others will power...well she was mine. I have tried to stop before and failed when I was alone. I found it easier doing it with someone else.

    She said she likes the taste of it...I have a feeling she is smoking to lose weight as she tried to diet and then just stopped, now she is smoking again, weird. But that is another story.

    I know 1 will lead to more, and then back to a box a day. :(

    I will try and fight it, I know if I start again my family will moan at me for weeks. That is one of the reasons I haven't given in to it yet.

    Don't give into it PTS, smoking won't make anything better, just make you ill, you and your house smell of fags, cost you silly amounts of money and the rest - you know this don't you? :)

    Don't think your wife is smoking because she "likes the taste" even when I was a dyed in the wool smoker I'd never have said that!!

    It must be hard seeing your wife smoke when you both quit together, but do stay strong :)

  • As I said , we were each others will power...well she was mine. I have tried to stop before and failed when I was alone. I found it easier doing it with someone else.

    She said she likes the taste of it...I have a feeling she is smoking to lose weight as she tried to diet and then just stopped, now she is smoking again, weird. But that is another story.

    I know 1 will lead to more, and then back to a box a day. :(

    I will try and fight it, I know if I start again my family will moan at me for weeks. That is one of the reasons I haven't given in to it yet.

    Why do you need to start again just because your wife is smoking?

    What does I will TRY and fight it mean?

    I've been quit for over a year now, and I don't need to TRY and fight anything. I am not addicted to nicotine anymore. I know smoking is incredibly bad for me, so I choose to not smoke any cigarettes ever again.

    I'm sorry to say it sounds like you're making every excuse to be able to smoke again. While I can fully understand it may be frustrating that your wife is smoking again, you absolutely have no need to ever smoke again. That is, unless you decide that giving yourself heart disease and lung cancer is a high priority for you.

    Just my thoughts.

    All the best.

  • I remember

    I remember the first few times I tried to stop smoking with my x-wife we would both be determined to stop and neither of us wanted to be the first to give in! So we started having some really vicious arguments which was really unusual for us, until we got to the point where we said this is no good we need to start smoking again. The arguments were designed to get us to this point! We eventually divorced because of debt and other problems which we wouldn't have had if we were non-smokers.

  • hello there firstly i would say the obvious on 2 points

    1. are you totally f#@king mad - 20 months in .... really ... seriously hmmmm

    2. your wife is only smoking once every few days that you are aware of sorry but she is probrably smoking at least 10 a day that you dont see

    you are free from the addiction well and truly you know this and as far as someone taking smoking back up because of the weight issue i have heard this one before from someone that didnt have the balls to commit to a weight loss program as well as having a lap band anyway back on track

    i have also been quit for 20 months and let me assure you of a few key points

    1. i would rather gorge myself on chocolate than put a fag in my mouth

    2. when i first quit i put some weight on

    3. over the last 20 months i would weigh the same now as when i first quit and yes i eat a lot more munchies these days but at least i dnt have one of those f@#king fags in my mouth

    i have never been successful at anything in my life until now and quitting is it

    cheers

    gra

    One year, eight months, two days, 5 hours, 55 minutes and 33 seconds. 36674 cigarettes not smoked, saving $20,904.63. Life saved: 18 weeks, 1 day, 8 hours, 10 minutes.

  • Another thing:

    I lost an 18 month quit because of stupid reasons, my "smoking when I feel like it" phase lasted weeks, then I was hooked as bad as before and you know what? It felt b.loody awful, actually it made me cry that I'd given all that away - took me the best part of 3 years to quit again!!

    Don't go there!!

    Oh and I agree that your wife is probably smoking regularly again - I don't believe any "ex-smokers" who say they can have a smoke when they want. It's an addiction, like alcoholism, you can't play games with it. Been there, done that.

  • Some harsh but true words. But the truth hurts I guess? Lol

    I admit I still miss it sometimes, but I am just making excuses for myself, that is obvious really. Each day that goes by I am getting less and less annoyed by it, I am just disappointed.

    Thanks for the posts, it has helped me. I came here in the first place because I knew it was wrong. We are all ex-smokers, I would have said the exact thing to someone who was thinking as I was.

    Thanks.

  • It must be so hard for you! Well done for staying strong! My hubby and I both stopped 4 months ago using an e cig. I gave up the e cig several weeks ago but he continued. I managed to last 2 weeks and then I was back on the e cig because I hated seeing him using one without me - stupid I Know!!! When we return from holiday I will pack in the e cig again regardless of what he does. I am very cross with myself for going back on the e cig so I know how furious I would feel if I was back on real ciggies!!! Keep being strong - your wife will hopefully follow suit when the time is right for her - only she can make that decision! Hang in there, you are doing brilliantly!!

    Sarah

  • hey pt you are stronger than to give in also i think u came here to hear it straight not be bull****ted around you have done the right thing coming here first that said the following is not intended to be personal

    you think that your the only one who still gets cravings or misses smoking .... who the hell died and made you so special we all feel like that

    but you came here and didnt give in you are stronger than fags you can take a horse to water but you cant make it drink your wife will quit when its time for her to quit for herself make this quit about you as thats who its now about since she started again but hey you can now be her rock when she decides to quit for her you can be her knight in shining armour and help her achieve what you have achieved

    my 2 cents worth - you are doing great keep up the great work

    cheers

    gra

    One year, eight months, two days, 21 hours, 49 minutes and 27 seconds. 36714 cigarettes not smoked, saving $20,927.29. Life saved: 18 weeks, 1 day, 11 hours, 30 minutes.

  • Another thing:

    I lost an 18 month quit because of stupid reasons, my "smoking when I feel like it" phase lasted weeks, then I was hooked as bad as before and you know what? It felt b.loody awful, actually it made me cry that I'd given all that away - took me the best part of 3 years to quit again!!

    Don't go there!!

    Oh and I agree that your wife is probably smoking regularly again - I don't believe any "ex-smokers" who say they can have a smoke when they want. It's an addiction, like alcoholism, you can't play games with it. Been there, done that.

    That's the problem, I know she is lying. But I don't want to say anything to her.

    Starting again after so long would bound to make you miserable, so I understand. Good luck with your new quit :)

    It must be so hard for you! Well done for staying strong! My hubby and I both stopped 4 months ago using an e cig. I gave up the e cig several weeks ago but he continued. I managed to last 2 weeks and then I was back on the e cig because I hated seeing him using one without me - stupid I Know!!! When we return from holiday I will pack in the e cig again regardless of what he does. I am very cross with myself for going back on the e cig so I know how furious I would feel if I was back on real ciggies!!! Keep being strong - your wife will hopefully follow suit when the time is right for her - only she can make that decision! Hang in there, you are doing brilliantly!!

    Sarah

    Your story sounds like mine but it was so long ago now.

    She quit the e-cig after 1-2 weeks but I quit them after about 2 months. Even after quitting I still carried it around with me just 'incase'. I even paniced when I forgot it lol. Obivously it is in the bin now.

    Everytime she says 'I'm going outside' it hurts me in a way. The smell is actually horrible when they come back in.

    When your partner smokes and you don't, you sort of feel disappointed as she is now a part of me. I don't want to grow older and she is ill by smoking :( BUT, I know no matter how much you tell someone, they have to quit on their own.

    This thread is turning into my wife's thread lol....

  • Just saw this

    :eek:

    blooming heck you certainly are in a BIG pickle

    :(

    Now you have to ask yourself two simple questions

    1 do i really want to start smoking again and becoming a slave to smoking

    and

    2 do i want to smoke because my wife smokes

    its sad when your partner who was your quit buddy starts smoking again its a sort of betrayel selfish act that she has done

    BUT

    thats for her to work out the whys and what nots as thats HER quit

    You are not joined at the hip you dont have to smoke again just because she is

    you have reached 20 months of not smoking of not ingesting harmful disgusting addictive drugs into your body

    do you really really want to go down this road again?

    you need to really think about the whys of starting again

    the fact you have posted on here instead of just starting smoking again shows that your not 100% sure that you want to smoke

    please dont do this

    think of what you have achieved and hopefully in time your wife will see how strong you have stayed and try again

    just be supportive of her dont give her any of those looks or make any comments about her smoking

    just be there for her

    i do hope you stay with it and keep thinking of the benefits to your health by staying smoke free

    onwards and upwards is the only way to go

  • Thanks for posting Carol.

    Your post has a lot of true words in it :)

  • Something I was thinking, might be utter rubbish though.

    As your wife hasn't told you she's smoking full time again, do you think she's a bit ashamed of it, and would rather be quit?

    Nobody smokes for the taste, she hides that she's doing it all the time so it sounds a bit like it to me. Only time i did that was when I was hiding it from my parents!!

    I bet she'd rather be like you and free of it!!

  • Something I was thinking, might be utter rubbish though.

    As your wife hasn't told you she's smoking full time again, do you think she's a bit ashamed of it, and would rather be quit?

    Nobody smokes for the taste, she hides that she's doing it all the time so it sounds a bit like it to me. Only time i did that was when I was hiding it from my parents!!

    I bet she'd rather be like you and free of it!!

    Yes you are probably right. When we quit I struggled so much but she found it easy, I even said into my quit that I really want to smoke and she told me straight that I am not allowed lol. That's why this has come as a huge shock as I thought I would fail. I guess that just means I can't hide it aswell as her. :rolleyes:

  • Thanks for posting Carol.

    Your post has a lot of true words in it :)

    Your more then welcome hun

    anytime :)

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