Yesterday there was a crisis and one of my kids who is staying away at granny's had to be taken to a&e (she's ok). I had no way of getting to her and last night had too much wine and went and bought 10cigs and smoked them all. Woke up this morning, house stinking, ash everywhere and spent most of the morning with my head in a bucket.
Bitterly disappointed with myself. I was so proud to be able to tick the non-smoking boxes at the gym and the doctors forms. To see my little counter hit 140 days. To run 10miles on my previous 20 a day lungs. To make my dad proud of me as he hates smoking.
So p***ed off with myself and nicotine but mainly myself. The first few weeks of stopping was hell and now I'm worried it's going to be the same again. The worst part of it is that little voice in my head telling me you've already broke your quit and have to start back on day one - why not buy some more today and start again tomorrow?
Could cry but I'm gonna have to stop feeling sorry for myself and own my mistake. Sorry really no point in this post just random thoughts.