Ok so, I've clocked over to Day 4 but it's night here so I'll tell you of Day 3.
Some of you who have been following Tal's Journeybook knew that I was a bit worried aboutgoing to Melbourne because my mum, eldest sister and her hubby all smoke. When I got here, I was told that they were attempting to quit. Today I went over there and it was my beautiful little neice's 2nd birthday. She's so zzzzzz cute!
Side note: My sister got married to a great guy who I really liked. It wasn't until 2 YEARS after they got married that I realised that his sister was the girl that had been the bane of my existence at secondary school, the one who bullied me, locked me in the toilet stall (on multiple occassions) and who punched me in the face.
So as a rule, we are courteous to each other, but only for the sake of our retrospective siblings.
So of course, she comes over. My neice sees her a lot more than me, and so when given any of her gifts, runs over to her other aunt to open her presents. All I wanted to see was the excitement in her eyes as she unwrapped her gifts but all my mum (her nanna), her father, and myself could see was her back and even my sister had trouble and could only get profile shots as she opened her presents.
I think I would have felt pretty much the same if this were to occur with anyone but because I have a deep-seated dislike for this person it just scratched at me even more.
Added onto this my sister and her hubby have not given up smoking. I could only bear to go outside with them twice while they smoked, and the second time I so nearly asked for a smoked that I clenched my teeth and dug my nails into the metal of the chair.
I think it was a particularly bad craving because I had spent all day dealing with the "other aunt", and then I did an entire assignment (during which I would normally smoke an entire deck of smokes and drink about 5 coffees), and then went outside with mum and sister to relax, where I would also normally smoke. It was when I was outside that it was the hardest because the smoke kept blowing toward me, and then someone didn't put their's out properly so I had a steady stream of burning tobacco and the melting butt smell drifting directly into my face.
I did okay though. I encouraged mum to go home early by offering to buy pizza on the way home (she's not been eating so I saw this as a way to force her to eat something, anything). After having dinner I took my Golden for a very long walk around about a 6 block radius... At 11:30pm, It was so quite and such a lovely night it was hard to feel tense or crave a cigarette when you've got all that freshness wafting around you and a happy pup at your side.
Also, I'm not longer getting sick from the champix which is awesome.
My lungs are starting to try to clear, I'm already starting to cough up grey stuff and it wont be long till I start coughing up the pure black icky stuff. Which, while gross, is to me a great sign!
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Well done Talien (can't help seeing your user name and seeing "Alien" as in the 1979 movie, but I'm just a geek). Lots of triggers dealt with there, some heavy ones too so early on in your quit.
The thing to remember is how you felt walking late at night in the fresh air; that and the fact that having a smoke would not make the other person disappear, you can look back on this as a "at least today's not as rough as THAT was" day!
Well done again, hope this is a great base for your quit
Thanks guys. Sometimes it just helps to vent, you know?
It's still not the worst day, the worst day I had was during my last quit. I was stressing out about my driving exam for days coming up to it as I had failed it the first time (pretty spectacularly) within less than 30 seconds. I got so worked up over my second one during my quit that I got ready and waited and waited and waited and started freaking out. I called my driving instructor who laughed and calmly explained that my driving test was the following day. I was so tense I curled up on my bed and cried for two hours. It was the stress of everything plus the cravings and just that added *feeling* that comes with giving up smoking.
It was horrible but also allows me to look back and go, "hey, I made it through that I'll be fine!" Sometimes though, it still just plain sucks
So you passed the driving test second time around right?
Hahahahaha.... Yes.
With flying colours actually. The first time I was so nervous about turning the key in the ignition for too long I didn't turn it far enough and the car didn't turn over properly. Apparently that's a critical fail.
Realy? I mean come on. What does it matter if they can't go anywhere? They obviously aren't going to hurt anyone sitting in the front seat pretending to drive and making zoom zoom noises.
The second critical mistake was as I pulled out of the driving center. You have to indicate right and then immediately left. It's just the way the center is built and no one in their right mind would bother to build a road that way. Even my instructor didn't think of it. Despite warning me about other tricks the instructors pull. So before I even left the center's grounds I had failed.
the second time I passed with flying colours. Because I had just stopped caring. I was too worn out from the day before! Hahaha. Quitting smoking got me my license! *shudders*
We also have to remember that we spent so many years smoking, so for me 9+ and that's a very reinforced habit. We have to retrain our minds and bodies and that too takes time!
What a day you had to cope with there, Talien. I was tense reading it, so goodness knows what it was like having to go through it. But you did it without smoking!! You must have felt like a million dollars having got through all that and you did not cave.:D
Ha driving. I was 45 when I learned to drive. I was so nervous on my first test and the examiner knew it. Anyway he took me to this tiny narrow street absolutely rammed with parked cars both sides and asked me to do my reverse parallel park or whatever it's called. I was so terrified I would hit something that after a poor attempt I told him I could not do it. So we continued and of course I failed the test.
When we were having the discussion afterwards he said to me,"When I asked you to do the reverse park, you gave me a long hard stare. Why was that?" and I said, " Well I almost was going to ask you "do you want to drive around a bit longer to see if we can find one that's even more difficult?" He burst out laughing and said ," See you next time". When I saw my instructor he asked me to show him the place and when he saw it he said," He should never have asked you to do it there." He was amused at what I had said to the examiner.
Anyway I got the same bloke for my next test and he took me to do the reverse park in this MASSIVELY wide avenue, where my instructor said he should have taken me the first time. Easy! and I passed. I was so delighted I gave the examiner a kiss, much to his amusement.
I had some of the worst instructors. I wasn't allowed to go for my probationary license because of my epilepsy but for some reason (probably because they have a brake on their side) I was able to do learner lessons. I had the worst experience with one where I kept getting lessons of a very mean guy, and he kept forgetting where we were up to, he was like a goldfish. I didn't find out until he said "You're very good with three-point-turns!" and I gave him a look and said "We've done them 3 times already..." I just thought he wanted me to practice...
Anyway...
So today was my fourth quit. I feel like a cigarette but only because I am stressed and am so tired. I have a lot of homework to do and cigarettes used to help me to stay alert when I was tired. Well, enough to study.
I won't have one and I know that, it's just the thought of "it would be nice to be able to have one" rather than "I want one!!!!!!!!! I neeeeeed it".
I think we've all used cigs as that sort of crutch, but there is absolutely no evidence to show they do any good whatsoever. It is just the habit of the reward system we've created for ourselves while we fill our lungs with many poisons and carry around more CO in our bodies.
We are hooked on a myth and the trick is to change your mind set to thinking , " Well today I am not going to poison myself".
We'd be better off having a glass of water!
Good luck with your homework. Pace yourself. Have regular breaks, drinks and maybe snacks. You'll get it done and without poisoning yourself xxx
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Day Four Without Ciggies
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