how scary is that
i know obviously most of them have been pics of cute ickle adorable cats
but
i have also been working out something that was even more scary
here goes
my stats
i have been quit for 2 years 4 months and 2 weeks
thats 871 days
i havent smoked
wait for it
13941 ish ciggies on an average of 16ish roll ups a day depending on what i was doing who i was with etc i know i smoked more then 20 if i was out drinking at the pub
i see that figure and think wtf was i doing
yeah ive saved over £4000 since quitting but its that figure of 13941 ish ciggies i havent smoked that has really given me that wtf moment :eek:
utter blooming madness
i dont know if i would have stayed quit if i hadnt found this site and the amazing people that i have met in the virtual world that have supported me educated me and gave me so much hope to think that i can do this to spur me on
initally i stopped smoking because of my oldest grandsons obsession to want to smoke when he grew up like his nanny and then my youngest one came along about 6 weeks after i quit and all i kept thinking was i dont want him to ever know me as a smelly nanny
i found this place by chance in my third week and came to realise with reading other peoples stories and watching those awful videos that i had to change my mindset as at the back of my mind there was always that thought well i can always have just the odd one now and again one wont hurt really
oh and those other thoughts that we all have it wont happen to me im different i am invinceable if i can just ignore all the other symptons the yearly chest infections they werent due to smoking no i had a weak chest and had been prone to them since i was a child and plus my inhaler helped me to breathe and even when i had the most horrendous coughs that used to leave me gasping i still wouldnt see the reality of what i was doing to myself what smoking was doing to my body
then i was reading the stories of the new people that were just joining and realising that they were coming out with the same things i had been going through that they too were struggling to come to terms with quitting
i have learnt that waking up each day and saying i choose not to smoke today and remembering that i can never let my guard down that i will always be a smoking addict and like any addict i know i cant smoke again
i couldnt for a long time use that word forever though that word was too scary just saying the each day was enough for me
its like someone said if you was told you only had 24 hours left to live would you smoke in the beginning i used to say yes why not im going to die anyways what harm will it do
but now i say for definate that no i wont i want to be with those i love and care for and not want to stink or have to pop outside to get my fix
i still have thoughts of smoking when im stressed or upset and sometimes those thoughts are strong but i know for sure that what i think about smoking is nothing like the reality to actually smoking as that inner smoker has made me think smoking wilbe a pleasure and i will enjoy it
yeah right
i dont think so
i know i will gag cough if i was ever tempted to put one of those disgusting dangerous addicting things in my mouth and inhale
sometimes only on the tv though i will see someone smoking and because i cant smell it a thought will pop into my head of ahhh a ciggie quickly followed by stupid smoking head is trying another tactic
thats the thing it will try any trick it has at his disposel to try and lure you back
but the further along that road to freedom you go the easier it will get
right i think ive most probably waffled on quite enough for one post
and yep no pics of cats to be seen
hope you all have a lovely smoke free day
hugs
Carol
Im in the N.O.P.E club for life