Seriously upset - On the edge

Hiya guys...just feeling at the point where I could tip over and smoke...never felt like I was on the verge of smoking before but I'm feeling it now. Don't know what to say really apart from I wanna just have a break from life. Yeah, people have shit times but this is taking the piss...there are others having it worse though so I must look on the bright side.

I was made redundant last year which was upsetting but I've got over it...working on a short term contract at the same place, thing is I'm not enjoying it anymore....really do not like working there anymore. It's not the work it's the people...anyways loads were made redundant along with me but we all seem to be cursed!!!!!

Of those all made redundant......One of my friends husband died at 36 leaving his wife and 3 young kids...just dropped down dead playing cricket. My other close friend had a heart attack during the process and then his wife died of breast cancer. My other friend fell down the stairs at work, broken her arm and has permanently damaged the nerves in her arm so she will not have full use of it ever. My other friends dad died...My other friends partner lost his job so they're both out of work and she has just had a baby. To top it all off my dad who has a heart problem and has a defibrillator in his chest...well it went off today...Bam. So his heart must have stopped, apparently it's been close to doing it 7 times these last 6 months so his heart is giving up. Just don't know what to say really, except this is a load of cocks. I just wanna cry and smoke...what is the ****ing point!

:( :mad: :( :mad:

14 Replies

  • Oh Liza I am so sorry my heart goes out to you and your family and friends.

    The only thing I can say is don't turn one positive into a negative by smoking again.For one thing it won't change what's happened and will put even more weight on yours shoulders to try and quit again. You cry my love that will do you good but starting smoking again won't.

    You and yours will be in my prayers.

    Love Joan xxxxxxxxxxx

  • Oh guff :( And obviously there are more stronger words I could have used instead of 'guff'.

    Words fail...the really do. Having said that the only thing I can see that you can directly influence in your post above is you. That's the you in relation to smoking. Everything else seems to happening around you without your being able to do a damn thing about it.

    Could I suggest that possibly the good thing to take out of this period in your life is the influence you're having on your own life by not smoking. It may seem an opportunity to crash and burn your quit (no pun intended) but you've got the chance to get smoking as an equation out of your life. There's a lot of hard work you've invested over the last few months. Don't throw that away in a hurry.

    My thoughts are sincerely with you, Lisa.

  • It sounds to me as if this is about life, not smoking. Take a deep breath and you will realise that smoking will only add another crock...

    Go back to some of your early posts when you were worried about your health, and remember what that felt like. This is not where you want to be again. :(

  • Gr8 advice all round Lisa and i cant add anyting else. Only dont give up that hard earnd quit. Good luck.

    Keep the faith

  • Big hugs lisa x as hard as things are for you smoking won't take away any problems just gice you another one..why not go and see ur gp...depression is a complex issue...take care n xxx

  • Aww Lisa you are going through the mill bigtime and my heart goes out to you. Thought I had it rough but not even close to what you are going through. But listen up buddy, and listen good, smoking won't help your loved ones and they wouldn't want you to smoke anyway. I know that sounds like a cliche but its true. And smoking sucks anyway, no kidding, they really taste foul. I won't tell you to be strong, but be gentle with yourself. Remember I said you need comfort? Well you do, but that comfort is NOT to be found in a smelly cigarette.

    And we all got ya back Lisa, so come on here and talk cos we all care.

    Give yourself some ME time if you can.

    Thinking of you and sending big hugs, remember you are cared about.


    Zoe xxxx

  • I don't believe you will smoke, I just think your feeling so low you don't quite know what to do.

    Sending best wishes to your dad x x x x x

    Me too were in the same boat or on the same rough seas . iv decided to throw my hands up and just accept it all. bring it on we can handle it either smoking or non smoking somethings u just have to go through, its the only way out.

    mash x

  • Sorry to hear you're having it rough too mash...I haven't smoked but my brain is really wanting too but I just know I don't want to (if you get what I mean). It's a bit like everyone has said what will it add to improve the situation/s. I think it's my old addict brain going to a familiar place and then finding it a smokefree area like an airport. I just can't believe mates and family all good people. It just seems like life generally shits on the good uns.

    Thanks everyone, just feel like a drama queen all the time lately but it's been one thing after another. I think I can cope and then another pidgeon comes along and shits on you, your family and friends.

    I need a gun :) only joking.

    I'm gonna sleep on it...well try and sleep. My dad is on HDU and is being monitored (best place for him)...just hope we have options (they didn't seem at all hopeful at the last appointment but you never know!)

    Luv Lisa x

  • Seems like giving up smoking is the only good thing to happen to you recently..

    Don't throw that away as well.

    You know it won't solve anything, and you'd regret it as soon as you put the first one out

    Hope your dad is getting through ok.

    Chin up chuck!

  • hey lisa

    hope you are feeling better today and just think you beat that trigger now

    stay strong pm me if u want


  • Lisa

    We do have points in our quit where we’re staring down the barrel of a cigarette thinking that a smoke is going to make things better. We even do the mental acrobatics to ensure that our life seems so full of angst and misery that having a fag is the only sane option left.

    Like the Monty Python sketch, where everyone’s life seems to have been harder than everyone else’s, we can always sink low enough to justify tobacco.

    The real sting in the tail, and it’s a real pointy sting with barbs dripping poison, is that one brief smoke will change nothing of your misery and simply add to it by installing a new chapter called “smoking again.”

    Whatever hell you’re going through, and you have my sympathy of course, cannot be made better with a smoke, no matter how much you think it might.

    Sometimes our subconscious can be a bit of a git.

    On the bright side, every challenge faced and conquered without tobacco is another round in the magazine. :)

  • Can't add much except to say that I'm thinking of you. Hope your Dad improves soon.

    H x

  • Lisa,

    All of what you have said is terrible to be going through but smoking because of it just doesn't make any sense to me. I mean what would be the point ? The only thing you would feel is a heightened disapointment because you have smoked.

    It is only going to add to your worries, please be strong and realise you need to stay as positive as you can because up until this point you have been fantastic.

  • Thinking of you, Lisa. Hang on in there. One day at a time....



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