Thought I was meant to feel better?

Hi all,

This is my first post on this forum although I have had a quick dive in and out. I am 7 weeks off the cigs (5 per day for 15 yrs) but am feeling completely wretched! The acne, flatulence and constipation have thankfully passed, but now I have the weepiness, which I believe is also fairly normal.

All this I can cope with but now I am getting a lot of stick off my partner for putting on some weight...I thought he would be supportive as he doesn't smoke but actually he hasn't been at all. I've cut myself a bit of slack on the eating front (before I quit we were both on a diet) as I figure the health benefits are better from quitting the cigs and then I can worry about the weight when I'm over the worst of the cravings. Trouble is he's making comments on a daily basis which are not helping the weepiness or the cravings - a big part of me feels like just picking up the cigs again and keeping him happy but then another part of me feels like telling him where to go - I am doing this for ME, not him!

Please please help, how do I deal with the pressure from him? Everyone else in my life is being so fab but now I just feel crappy about myself for being a few pounds heavier, instead of proud of myself for being a non-smoker.

Thanks for all the posts on here - they do help :)

11 Replies

oldestnewest
  • You are doing this for you so tell you can slim but he will still be ugly, eeeek did I say that sorry I only half meant it.

    You are doing incredibly well dont you dare let him get you into the state where you start smoking again, I bet he has control over most of your life and what you do and here you are doing something this big on your own, as a smoker you were so much weaker and so much more pliable and also you would not have been so attractive to other men and now here you are becoming prettier cause trust me you are and you will smell great as well, mmm me thinks that as daft as it sounds he is jealous, you will never regret this massive achievement in your life but you may wake up one day regretting him.

    I put on nearly 2 stone and I have lost one of them already, give your self a year, better to be a bit plump than to be a smoker.

  • hey dlc - that sucks, it really does make it harder when people aren't supportive, esp those close to you.:(

    Dont let him make you "lose your quit" - you've done so well and from what i've read around 8-9 week most people start "normalising out", less symptoms etc and you are so close!:o

    Maybe try to think about all the things you are enjoying about having quit, so you are thinking about positives instead of thinking about annoying OH and his unsupportivness?

    Also not sure if you do already - but maybe hit the gym/go running? i know even if i'm eating shedloads i FEEL better in myself when i've exercised and it also might shut up OH:D

    Hope you feel better soon :)

  • It must be difficult, my husband makes little comments about me putting on weight but then knows why and even encourages me by buying me lots of chocolate which is very annoying! It is only jokey stuff though and I take it pretty well most of the time.

    I think I would just tell him to either like it or lump it. Don't let him discourage you. Weight gain is reversible, terminal illness caused by smoking isn't.

    Keep going, you are doing so well :D

  • Hiya DLC,

    My advice to you, is get him to read this thread that you started. I know you have probably tried to tell him you don't like it, but it probably hasn't sunk in and he probably only thinks he is being funny. But if you get him to read your post, he will hopefully understand how hurtfull the comments have been. With any luck, he will read it and then profusely apologies for being such a git. This the best advice I can give you because I am a bloke myself and I know what we can be like.

    A quick note from my wife:

    If my advice doesn't work, then forget the "I am doing this for myself" and go for the "sod you, I'm going to prove you wrong in every way" approach.

    Hope this helps.

    Ian :)

  • Hi dlc, Hmm I'm a man or a member of the male species and believe it or not this gets me very angry. Don't you dare give up your quit keep going you are doing really great. The only danger I see is he coild be your excuse to start smoking again please don't let that happen.

    I was very lucky in the fact that my wife, son and daughter supported me throughout even when I became a bit sharp tempered. I put on weight I went from 11.5 stone to 12.5 stone but now I'm back to normal.

    I would hit hard, I know this is not very nice but his choice is see you put on weight for a short period now or maybe at a later date see you lying in a bed very ill. I will not go into detail on that.

    It is your body and you should do what you think is best for it. I would find a fault with him and when he goes on about you weight hit him with his fault.

    Stick with it girl it's for you.

    Jack

    Hi jamangie

  • Hi DLC

    I'm so sorry your OH is being to unhelpful. It's easy to say fight back but not always so easy to do it.

    My advice, for what it's worth is to try and block out what he's saying. Agree with everything, don't fight back just don't bother to listen to what he saying. I find this works really well with my OH who is a tiny bit opinionated where his opinion isn't needed!

    This is your life, your health and your future.

    Good luck you have done so very well.

  • Hi DLC,

    Most of us on here have put on weight. I'm in week 10 and i felt ready to join slimming world last week. THey have been brilliant. They even have leaflets for those who have just given up smoking. I lost 4lbs this week. So just wait until you are ready to do something about.

    I know it feels crap but you can't do everything at once. Once you feel your in control of your quit then tackle the weight.

    Just ignore his comments. You are doing fantastic!!!!!!!

  • dear dlc . sometimes people feel threatened when we change for the better,they get used to us as we are, they know wot their getting, in the same way that the smoker in us wants us back to how we were. maybe your partner needs assurance tha t your not really changing much apart from giving up smoking. i've had loads of people in the past who pulled their face when i quit last yr. i used it as an excuse to smoke ............ funny how they smirked when i did, then delighted in calling me a loser

    theres nowt so queer as folk

    mash

  • Wow - you are all so fab!

    Hey,

    Just wanted to say THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH for the supportive replies, I've just logged in for the first time since I did my original post as I've had a couple of days away with work.

    Had a chat with OH that night after I had been for a run (feels good taking out some anger on the pavements, doesn't it?!) and after a bit he came and apologised to me and said he hadn't appreciated how hard it was. Since then we have had NO weight related comments at all!

    Am giving myself till end of March just upping the exercise a bit and then am going to officially try & lose the extra weight.....meantime it's been ok the last couple of days as have been out of my normal routine.

    You know the novelty hasn't worn off yet of being able to still smell shampoo & fabric conditioner by the time I go to bed instead of having pongy hair & clothes - love it!!

    So if anyone else is having a bad time hang in there..... this too shall pass :D

    DLC

    Quit 46 days ago on 31st January

    Using patches and now you guys too!

    Smoked for 16 years

  • Glad it got sorted out for you and well done. :)

  • AAAH, nice chap, bless him. Glad you're feeling better and got things sorted.

You may also like...