Fallen off the wagon!

Hi, I had stopped for nearly 4 days and had to go out last night with work. Was fine, smoking ban helps, but a colleague who didnt know I had stopped invited me outside for a smoke. and like a fool i did.I did stop to rip off the patch first tho. It was the first of a few, all very enjoyable at the time. Today I have the usual self-loathing etc but have rallied and put the patch on. I have read lots of your posts and appreciate all the good advice. I am really down, this thing keeps beating me. i just cant be around smokers without ending up tempted. pathetic I know. Please help!!!!

i do really want to give up. I know it makes sense. Will try to be more positive in the future and not succumb. its such a pain this giving up thing, I am sick and tired of it. I would laugh but feel like crying!!

You all seem to be doing so well, i feel inferior and lacking in willpower in comparison. so well done ye all , keep being an inspiration. thanks for listening (the grim reaper is probably more cheerful then me today!!!)

Cheers

11 Replies

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  • Hi Rachel, sorry to hear about what happened. Early in my quit I did all my drinking at home because I knew my resolve would be weakened by been with smokers.

    Ok so that is now in the past and it is the future we are concerned with here. Today is a new day, day one. You need to read as many of the links as you can, it will help strengthen your resolve. You are not inferior to anybody here, in fact you are stronger than a lot of us, you had a blip and you got straight back on again. You are certainly not pathetic, you are quitting smoking and for some people that will be the most difficult thing to do.

    Did you have a plan for your saved funds? did you have treats planned for each milestone reached?

    One of the rules that kept me going was, if you feel you are about to fail you have to come here and post, then wait for 5 responses before you do anything.

    Sending you a truck load of PMA, and a big hug. Stay strong and I know you can do this, you are worth it.

  • Hi, I had stopped for nearly 4 days and had to go out last night with work. Was fine, smoking ban helps, but a colleague who didnt know I had stopped invited me outside for a smoke. and like a fool i did.I did stop to rip off the patch first tho. It was the first of a few, all very enjoyable at the time. Today I have the usual self-loathing etc but have rallied and put the patch on. I have read lots of your posts and appreciate all the good advice. I am really down, this thing keeps beating me. i just cant be around smokers without ending up tempted. pathetic I know. Please help!!!!

    i do really want to give up. I know it makes sense. Will try to be more positive in the future and not succumb. its such a pain this giving up thing, I am sick and tired of it. I would laugh but feel like crying!!

    You all seem to be doing so well, i feel inferior and lacking in willpower in comparison. so well done ye all , keep being an inspiration. thanks for listening (the grim reaper is probably more cheerful then me today!!!)

    Cheers

    Oh Rachel,

    You aren't inferior or lacking. Most of us have had many, many failed quit attempts...and hence can totally relate and sympathise with how you are feeling just now.

    If you've got a strong resolve to stop smoking...finally...and really mean that in yourself then maybe what you could try is to totally immerse yourself for a short period (fortnight?) in reading the wisdom of some of the posts here and visiting the hyperlinks in my sig to soak up as much information as possible.

    Possibly that will do the trick for you...but you do have to stick with the quit and get used to refusing the lure of the ciggy.

    Try to cheer up and focus on something else in yourself...at least you slapped the patch back on this morn. That's a good thing and you should be proud of yourself.

    Cav

  • i do really want to give up. I know it makes sense. Will try to be more positive in the future and not succumb. its such a pain this giving up thing, I am sick and tired of it. I would laugh but feel like crying!!

    Cheers

    You know I hate people that invite you out for a cigarette when they know you are trying to quit. And now you feel awful. Some friend!

    I have a question for you though. What is your over-riding reason for wanting to stop smoking?

  • Thanks for encouragement!

    Thanks for your kind words. Just back from shops and not remotely tempted to buy fags. A vistory, albeit small. It was entirely my fault last night that I slipped up cos my friend is a work colleague that I had not seen in ages as she has moved to a different office. i didnt even mention to her I had given up. Purely my free will to blame.

    My reasons for quitting are many, all the obvious ones, but mainly I want to do it for myself and my son. I have spent my fair share of time in hospitals visiting. like most people, I hate the smell of hospitals and when my father died last year I vowed not to put my son thru the horror of witnessing my pathetic demise from lung cancer. Incidentally my he died from other illnesses , not smoking-related. However, the smell of the hospitals remains with me always and if I were to be diagnosed with lung cancer, I would probably over-dose just to die quicker to avoid having to look my son in the eyes and both of us know this was avoidable and selfishly inflicted on us both.

    That aside, I have to say i love smoking and it is a real shame it kills you. If I could guarantee that I would be one of the lucky grannies in her eighties puffing merrily away, then I would continue to smoke. Maybe a fortune teller could reassure me!!

    Also, i dont want to be propping up this country any more by paying extra taxes. So lots of reasons, but mainly cos I resent HAVING to smoke. i generally dont like being told what to do. It infringes my freedom. If I could just be a social smoker (and I know a few) then i would. Sadly, I am an addict and all too aware of it. I did join a smoking cessation group last year and it was successful, until another night out ruined that attempt. I loved the fact that I had support from fellow addicts and we were all in the same boat. guess that is why i have come onto this forum. It is a lonely thing quitting the ciggies, so thanks so much for your help. i dont fell quite so pathetic now and my determination is returning. Will not go out tonight , too risky! I am fine at work and enjoy the fact I dont have to stop for a fix. I get more done. So if I can make it thru to Monday, i should be O.K. I have given up before for 8 years and found it easy. This must be my 100th attempt of late, and I cannot seem to find the same resolve. I put this down to life taking its toll! but at least i know it is possible. Onwards and upwards....

    Thanks to you all once again.

  • Wotcha,

    You'll find that most people break at least a few times before the proper quit; think of it as part of the quitting process and not a failure. I stopped for 6 months previously and slipped back to where I started. I learned that there's no such thing as one cigarette for me (some can do it, I can't).

    My personal way to approach this is not to think about it. It comes from the fact that I wanted to quit, but didn't really plan it; I just stopped. In my mind I may well smoke again one day, if I do would I have failed my quit? I don't think so. If I continue to end up smoking daily then yes..then I'll look as that as a failure.

  • As usual well said Mart. he is correct you have not failed you just have not succeeded this time, so what.

    One of my favorit sayings "If at first you don't succeed destroy all evidence of trying in the first place" and start again. But you are not starting again you are continuing from where you left off, it's just a blip.

    So Rachel just keep going but you have got to want to stop and stop for you.

    Jack x

  • Hey Rachel

    we can only do our best... I was at a training session a few days after stopping, a friend and smoker was there, in break she went out. I really wanted to chat to her but could not go out, it would have been too tempting... try and avoid these situations till u feel better..... hope to see you on here many months down the line

  • Thanks for your kind words. Just back from shops and not remotely tempted to buy fags. A vistory, albeit small. It was entirely my fault last night that I slipped up cos my friend is a work colleague that I had not seen in ages as she has moved to a different office. i didnt even mention to her I had given up. Purely my free will to blame.

    My reasons for quitting are many, all the obvious ones, but mainly I want to do it for myself and my son. I have spent my fair share of time in hospitals visiting. like most people, I hate the smell of hospitals and when my father died last year I vowed not to put my son thru the horror of witnessing my pathetic demise from lung cancer. Incidentally my he died from other illnesses , not smoking-related. However, the smell of the hospitals remains with me always and if I were to be diagnosed with lung cancer, I would probably over-dose just to die quicker to avoid having to look my son in the eyes and both of us know this was avoidable and selfishly inflicted on us both.

    That aside, I have to say i love smoking and it is a real shame it kills you. If I could guarantee that I would be one of the lucky grannies in her eighties puffing merrily away, then I would continue to smoke. Maybe a fortune teller could reassure me!!

    Also, i dont want to be propping up this country any more by paying extra taxes. So lots of reasons, but mainly cos I resent HAVING to smoke. i generally dont like being told what to do. It infringes my freedom. If I could just be a social smoker (and I know a few) then i would. Sadly, I am an addict and all too aware of it. I did join a smoking cessation group last year and it was successful, until another night out ruined that attempt. I loved the fact that I had support from fellow addicts and we were all in the same boat. guess that is why i have come onto this forum. It is a lonely thing quitting the ciggies, so thanks so much for your help. i dont fell quite so pathetic now and my determination is returning. Will not go out tonight , too risky! I am fine at work and enjoy the fact I dont have to stop for a fix. I get more done. So if I can make it thru to Monday, i should be O.K. I have given up before for 8 years and found it easy. This must be my 100th attempt of late, and I cannot seem to find the same resolve. I put this down to life taking its toll! but at least i know it is possible. Onwards and upwards....

    Thanks to you all once again.

    You're sounding a hell of a lot better. Great stuff for turning it around a bit in your mind. Those reasons are great ones to have at the fore front of your mind whilst your resolve is not the strongest it could be.

    Possibly you could take a more active part in the Forum on this occasion...I noticed that you'd joined a while ago. Fellow quitters going through the same thing, or further on, are a great source of support and even though this is solely cyber support it is effective. And available 24 hours a day.

    For sure you were never pathetic...get that out of your mind. Rather, you were incredible. You stumbled, got over it and slapped a patch back on, and importantly you also reached out for support :cool:

    Keep on keepin' on,

    Cav

  • Annoying ain't it? Who would have thought it would be that difficult to give up?

    Remember that first ever cigarette? Tasted awful, made you choke, made you feel dizzy. Somehow, amazingly, we had another one. And another. And then we became addicted. Mad!

    If someone served you a meal in a restaurant that made you feel bad, that made you choke and stank and cost a fortune, what are the chances you would go back for more? LOL

    When I felt tempted when out drinking I would have a niquitin lozenge to hand. So I would be wearing a patch and then sucking on a lozenge when I felt tempted. On a big night out I would have several lozenges on top of my super strenght patch!

    It worked.

    Hope you do it for your boy, good luck xx

  • Keep strong hun....there are very few who make it on the first go but so much respect to you for not caving completely.

    Buckets of PMA....xx

  • You can do this...

    Hi Rachel

    You've done it before, and you can certainly do it again... so many of us have fallen off the wagon... many many times, but it's the want to give up that keeps us climbing back on again.

    You mentioned your son - well I'm with you there - one of the main reasons I'm doing this is to be with my little girl as long as I possibly can and not try and kill myself early! When I feel I could just light up, I think of her and then I think of the no smoking advert that had the little girl crying in it because she missed her mum - that really pulled on my heart... I lost my dad last year too and I don't want her to go through that (again, totally unrelated to smoking, but put the fear of god in me about hospitals :eek:)

    I'm on the patches, and so far this is my longest quit (25 days) without any cheats (done it before but have given myself what I called 'treats' of occassional ones) - but you've done 6 years before... you must be a strong person.

    This forum has really helped me - I don't log on all the time, but when I can I do and if I feel low, I do - just reading people's experiences can bring me back up again...

    Good luck - sorry, I've rambled on a bit here :o

    Rachael x

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